Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Her Excuse Is Not So Fresh

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am scanning a lady’s groceries at the checkout. She has several containers of a brand of guacamole that is packaged without a re-sealable top.)

Lady: “I love this guacamole you carry! Too bad it spoils so fast.”

Me: “Well, they are freshly made, so it’s important to keep them chilled.”

Lady: “I mean, they go bad in a matter of hours! I should really be able to return them!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Lady: “I have to buy a lot so I always have some! I mean really, why do they come in such large packages if it spoils so quickly?”

Me: “Well, it will go brown on the top if the lid is off for a matter of time, but that’s just an oxidization reaction, like in apples, so it’s still fresh.”

Lady: “I should get a refund every time this guacamole spoils!”

Me: “Guacamole does not go bad that quickly. It’s still perfectly edible even if there’s slight discoloration.”

Lady: *taking receipt and her several tubs of guacamole* No! It spoils! I’ll get my money back one of these days!”

Coworker: *once she has left the building* “The only thing spoiled here is her.”

Has Beef With Your Explanation

| Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a “healthy” grocery store chain. Walking to the front to start my cashier shift, a customer stops me and asks for help. This customer is about 50-55 and female.)

Customer: “Can you please tell me where the lamb chops are?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Since we are right by the meat section I show her where they are.)

Customer: “Oh, excellent. Can you tell me, are these lamb chops pork or beef?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Are these pork lamb chops or beef lamb chops?”

(Before I can respond, I have to think about her question for a moment.)

Me: “Are you asking if they are beef chops or pork chops? Those are lamb chops.”

Customer: *now getting irritated* “No, I KNOW they are lamb chops. Are they beef lamb chops or pork lamb chops?!”

Me: “Ma’am, lamb chops come from lamb, pork from pigs, and beef from cows.”

Customer: “Yes! So are these beef lamb chops or pork lamb chops?!”

Me: “Ma’am… lamb chops come from little baby sheep, baa baa.” *yes, I make the sounds* “Beef comes from cows, mooo! Pork comes from pigs, oink!

Customer: “No need to be so rude!”

(About 30 minutes later, my manager asks me into his office with a bemused look on his face. He asks about the conversation with the customer, who of course didn’t tell him anything but my last sentence.)

Boss: “So, what happened?”

Me: “Well, I could tell you the conversation in its entirety or I could ask you one question.”

Boss: “Okay, what is the question?”

Me: *deadpan* “Those lamb chops we have in the meat section, are they beef lamb chops or pork lamb chops?”

(Pause.)

Boss: “Thank you for not making me talk to her.”

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Spellbound

| Tampa, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Caller: “I need your email address so I can send in my order.”

Me: “USA [store number]…”

Caller: “How do you spell that?”

Me: “USA [store number]…”

Caller: “Yes, how do you spell that?”

The Tip Of The Stupidity Ice-Berg

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(A customer has just ordered an iced coffee and sat down. Once the barista finishes making the drink, I bring it over to the customer.)

Me: “Here’s your iced coffee, sir.”

Customer: “What? Oh no. No, no, this isn’t what I wanted. No, this won’t do at all!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, is this not what you ordered?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered an iced coffee.”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer: “There’s ice cubes in it.”

Me: “Yes, sir…?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t realise there would be ice in it.”

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

, | NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a well-known coffee chain and we are moving from our current store down the road to a larger building. We have been advertising the move for months and told all our customers that we will be closing for one day to move all of our machines, etc. The front door is locked and has multiple signs on it staying that we are closed. In order for us to move machines out easily the side entrance is held open by a garbage can. All the machines and merchandise left in the store are scattered all over the dining area and counters.)

Customer: *approaches front door and pulls on it vigorously multiple times before realizing it is locked and walking around to the side entrance* “Can I have a medium iced coffee with extra cream?”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, we are closed today. We are in the middle of moving.” *waves arms around pointing to all the machines and merchandise*

Customer: “So I can’t have my coffee?”

Manager: “No, sir, we are closed and we do not have any coffee made or any machines to brew it.”

Customer: “Well, why doesn’t it say that you are closed anywhere?”

Manager: “With all due respect, sir, there are signs all over the front door and the machines and merchandise are scattered throughout the store.”

Customer: “Oh! I thought that meant only the front door was closed. Have a nice day!”

(We all stood there baffled and still laugh about it to this day! Unfortunately he wasn’t the only customer to come in asking for coffee!)

Related:

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 20

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 19

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 18

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