Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!


Throwing Dirt Until It Sticks

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(We have six self-checkouts. It’s a busy day and five machines are in use as one is broken, and I have a line of about five people. A customer approaches me from the entrance.)

Customer: “Can I get some of the dirt that’s outside?”

(It’s spring, so we sell 10 lb bags of topsoil which are all outside.)

Me: “No problem. If you’ll just get in line, we can ring that through for you.”

Customer: “Can you just ring them through for me?”

Me: “I don’t have a register to do so at the moment, but if you’ll just get in line I’ll help you as soon as I’m able.”

(The customer gets into the express line next to mine. This isn’t a problem: all checkouts have the PLU for the dirt written down and most cashiers have it memorized regardless. After a few minutes, he gets out of the slowly growing express line to approach me again.)

Customer: “Do I need to bring in a bag of dirt to scan or something?”

Me: “No, you don’t. We have codes at every register so you don’t need to. Just tell her what you want and she’ll be able to do it no problem.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just ring me through?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have a register to do that for you. If you’ll just get in a line up, any cashier will able to do it for you when it’s your turn.”

Customer: “So you can just ring me through here?”

Me: “I can’t ring you through at the moment, no, but if you’ll get in line, when you have a machine I can put the dirt onto your order.”

Customer: “So can’t you just ring me through now?”

(This goes back and forth about five times in total before he gets back into the express line.)


Time For Her To Re-Tire

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work at a large chain auto parts store.)

Customer: “Do you plug tires?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.”

Customer: “I have a hole in my tire. I just got air and it’s leaking out. It’s on top and I need something to put on it so I can drive home.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t have anything you can put—”

Customer: “Do you have any tape?”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “The only tape I have is scotch tape and that won’t work.”

Customer: “Can I have a piece?”

(I tear her off about six inches of tape and watch as she goes outside, puts it on her tire and drives off!)


Seeing Is Deceiving

QLD, Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work in a call centre for a government department that takes calls from local residents. Calls can range from calls about bills to fixing holes in the roads to calls about crocodiles. I work in our main building in a closed off call centre.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [Department]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi there, [My Name], you’re LOOKING nice today.” *customer laughs*

Me: “Thank you, so are you. I really like what you’ve done to your hair! But how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Wait… can you seriously see me? Holy s***.” *click*


Time To Coin An Idiotic Phrase

| Marion, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I work at a grocery store as a bagger. Part of my duties include gathering the shopping carts from the parking lot and bringing them back to the store lobby. I am doing this when I am hailed by a man standing beside the drink vending machines on the store sidewalk/porch.)

Man: “Can you help me? How do you get this thing to work? I can’t get it to work. I already put in three quarters.”

(I go over and see him press the drink dispense button. Nothing dispenses, so I look up to the display where it shows the price – it says “Sold out.”)

Me: “Sir, it looks like that one is sold out. Is there another one you might want to get?”

Man: “Well, the strawberry or peach.”

(I press those, and note that it still says “Sold out.”)

Me: “Um… hm. Those appear to be sold out as well…”

Man: “Well, any of them. I put in my quarters.”

(I proceed to press all them, checking after each one that they are ALL “Sold out.”)

Me: “Uh, well, since they’re all sold out, I think this lever here is the coin return.”

(I push down the coin return, don’t hear anything, check to confirm that it didn’t return his money, and then try again a few more times to no avail. The store will give refunds to customers when the machines eat their money, so I prepare to instruct him on going up to the front desk to get his 75 cents back.)

Me: “Huh, it’s not giving you your change back. Well, sir, since it isn’t working, what I would do is go inside and—”

Man: “It didn’t even take my money!”

Me: “What…?”

Man: “See, look! You can see the quarters just sitting there!”

(He points. Our vending machines have a lock cover, a piece of metal that has a vertical rectangular hole that connects with a prong to keep people from accessing the lock and getting inside the machine. There is a small gap between the edge of the hole and the prong on this particular machine, and he has placed all three quarters side by side in this gap. These quarters are clearly visible now that I know where to look, but they aren’t accessible.)

Me: “Uh…” *I try to pry the latch unsuccessfully. I spot a coworker nearby* “Are you going inside?”

Coworker: “Yeah, why?”

Me: “This man has put his money in the lock cover instead of the coin slot. Could you get someone to come out and help him get it when you go in?”

Coworker: *look of disbelief* “Yeah.”

Me: “Sir, someone will be out to help you get your money.”

(I return to collecting shopping carts. I see one of the managers come out a minute later. I don’t hear most of the conversation, but I see that he has gotten the latch off and given the man his money. I overhear a little bit.)

Manager: “Well, sir, that’s not the coin slot; that’s just a cover.”

Me: *shaking my head*


Doesn’t Have The Drive To Study Geography

| WV, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

(As I ring up a customer’s purchases, she gets chatty.)

Customer: “My neighbor is from Puerto Rico.”

Me: “That’s neat!”

Customer: “Yeah. Have you ever been to Puerto Rico?”

Me: “No, I haven’t. It would be nice to visit, though.”

Customer: “I think I’m going to try to go with them to visit sometime.”

Me: “That sounds fun.”

Customer: “How long do you think it takes to drive to Puerto Rico?”

Me: *thinking she’s kidding* “Oh, about as long as it takes to invent a floating car.”

Customer: “Oh. So, like, a long time?”

Me: “Yeah…”

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