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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Her Brain Is Not Online

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a small family-operated t-shirt store in a small but busy tourist town. We have only one location, but we also have an online store. During the summer, about 90% of our customers are tourists, so we give everyone who comes in a flyer with a code for free shipping on an online order. This occurs as I’m finishing a transaction.)

Me: “We also have a nice online store, and there’s a free shipping code on this flyer for you to use if you order anything on there.”

(The customer pushes the flyer away.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want one; I’m leaving town today.”

(The customer rushes out the door before I can respond. My manager looks over at me.)

Manager: “Isn’t that the point of being able to shop online?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is.”

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Not Very Helpful Advice

| UT, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “911, what is the address of your emergency?”

Caller: *who sounds like an elderly woman* “How much does it cost to mail a package to India?”

Me: “I’m… sorry, what?”

Caller: “I have to mail a package to India. How much does it cost?”

Me: “Ma’am, do you need the police or an ambulance?”

Caller: *now angry* “No! But they told me to call this number if I needed help, and I need help!”

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That Deal Has Fully Checked Out

| Ansbach, Germany | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(Our store has a deal where you buy €200 worth of merchandise and you get €50 off. You have to have a flyer/coupon that we spammed everyone with for two weeks. Knowing most people will forget to bring them in, I stash a few extra away and help people out that are close to €200 that don’t have a flyer. Now I have just one left. I ring up a woman.)

Me: “Your total is €198 plus change. You can grab anything you wants in the store for less than €51, since it will effectively be free.”

Customer: “Why? I don’t want anything else!”

Me: *explains the promotion to her*

Customer: “I just want the things I have.”

Me: “I notice you have a pack of gum already rung up, if you hand me another pack I can save you €49 and change.”

Customer: *irritated* “I don’t want it!”

(I comply with her demands and finalize the sale. I ring up the next customer, a young American soldier; while she is pondering over her receipt.)

Soldier: *stating loudly* “I am getting a video game system and it will break the €200 barrier!”

(The conversation between the woman and me FINALLY sinks in.)

Customer: “Wait! I want to add to my total!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m in the middle of a transaction; it’s not possible.”

(The soldier secured my last ‘up for grabs’ flyer. The woman was upset and demanded a refund, which I was not allowed to do. She demanded to speak to the manager. When my manager spoke with her, I was out of earshot. When I was approached by the manager about what happened with the lady customer, whatever she said had me in hot water. The soldier then came back in, having seen or heard the commotion, and explained that I did everything I could to save the lady money. My Real American Hero!)

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Too Much Meth, Not Enough Math

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money, Popular

Me: “Okay, just so you know, sir, a three-month supply of this medication is going to cost you about $400.”

Customer: “What?! No. You’re wrong. When I picked it up last it was a third of that!”

(I look up his payment and pick up history in the system.)

Me: “It looks like this new prescription is the same medication as the last but you’re allowed to pick up three months at a time instead of just one. Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes! But it’s never this expensive!”

Me: “Well, you’re picking up more at one time which is why it is a higher cost.”

Customer: “No! You’re wrong. It’s not supposed to be this expensive!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t set the prices. Your insurance company tells us what to charge you based on your plan.”

(This commences a 10 minute rant about how this medication is too expensive and he KNOWS he shouldn’t owe this much because he has been in the industry for 20 years and has a PhD.)

Customer: “When I picked it up last month it was only $133! It shouldn’t be $400!”

Me: “So… you previously picked up a one month supply for $133? And you’re upset because this three-month supply is three times the cost of the one-month supply?”

Customer: “YES!”

(Sadly this man did not see the math and proceeded to stay for the next 45 minutes and tell me exactly what was wrong with the entire industry and why it was my fault. Unfortunately, I have more stories about this guy from this 45 minute encounter alone.)

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Nine-Dum-Dum

| USA | Extra Stupid, Popular

(Upon answering the 911 line, I immediately prompt the caller to give me the address of the emergency where units are to respond out to. I’ve gotten the address and callback number, and have found out that a young girl is having a sudden onset of blindness and lethargy. The ambulance has been dispatched, and is en-route, and I’m trying to give post dispatch instructions when I hear loud noises, yelling, and what sounds like a car horn in the background.)

Me: “Ma’am, I need you to tell me what’s happening right now. What is that noise I’m hearing?”

Caller: “Oh, that’s my mom. She’s honking the horn at the other drivers.”

Me: “What other drivers? I thought you said you were with the patient?”

Caller: “I am. We’re driving to the hospital.”

Me: *trying not to sound exasperated* “Then why did you call for an ambulance to be dispatched to [Address]?”

Caller: “Oh…”

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