Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 54

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at a popular retailer on a busy Saturday. An early-twenties man waits in line with a birthday card that says “DAD” on the top, and no envelope.)

Customer: “Do you sell the outsides for these?”

Me: “Yes, envelopes should be directly behind the cards.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I didn’t see them…”

Me: *taking pity on him, as the lines are long and he’s already waited once* “That’s okay. Why don’t you just get it now and go back to pick up an envelope after?”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He proceeds to act like he’d never seen a debit card terminal in his life. I coach him on how to slide his card, and then we get to the cash-back screen.)

Customer: “I thought it was $5?”

Me: “Yes? The total’s $4.34.”

Customer: “But the lowest option’s $10?”

Me: “Oh, um, that’s for cash-back. Do you want cash-back?”

Customer: “Yes. Which button should I push?”

Me: “That depends on how much cash you’d like back.”

Customer: “But which option should I choose? Does it make a difference?”

Me: “It controls how much cash you’ll get.”

Customer: “Will it be more than one transaction?”

(I’m very lost at this point. I decide to go back to the very, very beginning.)

Me: “Sir, cash-back means that you pay the store extra money on your card, and then we give you that extra money in cash. It’s like going to the bank.”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, I don’t want that.”

Me: “Okay, then just hit ‘no.’”

(After all that, he doesn’t remember his PIN and leaves without the card. And then, about half an hour later, he is back at my register.)

Customer: “Do you still have that card?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’d like to pay with this.” *hands me his student ID*

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Run this. It has [University currency from University a few blocks away] on it.”

(This currency is something you, or your parents, can load onto your card to do things like pay for your on-campus laundry with a swipe of your ID.)

Me: “Sir, we don’t take [University] dollars here.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “We’re just a store. We’re not connected to your school. We take real dollars here.”

(He left, and he didn’t come back again.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 53
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 52
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 51

Some People Can’t Change

| Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(At our store, we have a self-service lottery machine. It only takes bills and has a clearly printed sign stated it does not give change.)

Customer: “Does this machine not do change?”

Me: *thinking she means ‘give change’* “No, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “Oh. I put a dollar in, but oh, well.”

(She leaves without purchasing anything from the machine. About an hour later, a coworker opens the lottery machine door to unload the money for the back office and a rain of quarters clatter to the floor. Apparently the customer had shoved actual change into the bill slot, and was surprised when it didn’t work!)

An A-moo-sing Joke

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “You have nut milk!”

Me: “Yes. Three kinds, actually: almond, pecan, and walnut.”

Customer: “And you make them here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “But… how do you make them?”

Me: “Well, if you look out that window behind you, you can see our free-range nuts grazing.”

(I have done this multiple times and at least 50% of our customers will turn around to look out the window.)

The Times They Aren’t A Changin’  

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I have two phones and I just want to use one; one is personal and one is corporate. I want to just have my corporate number and move my personal line into the corporate account so I only have one.”

Me: “Okay. So, you are wanting to move [personal number] into your corporate account, and then cancel the number that was already on the [corporate number]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I move their personal line to the corporate account, and ask to reconfirm they want to cancel the corporate line.)

Customer: “Yes, but let me ask you a question. Will the calls will still go to my [corporate number]?”

Me: “Well, no, people will call the [personal number], as the previous corporate line [corporate number] will be canceled as you asked.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to use [personal number]. I want to use the [corporate number].”

Me: “So… did you actually just want to use the iPhone that is on the [personal number] then, so you only have one phone?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I want to use the Samsung phone on the [corporate number]!”

Me: “Sooo… basically you didn’t want to make any changes at all?”

Customer: “Yes. Just change it back.”

Me: “All right, let me get you to the department that does that…”

A Well-Red Book

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular, Tourists/Travel

Caller: “Hello, yes, I had a book on hold there. I came to pick it up this morning and it was taking too long for the guy to help other people so I left!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about the wait; we only have one person in the store this week due to our owners getting married last weekend.”

Caller: “I’m not done! So I came back and parked in the red zone at the corner, picked up my book and when I got back, I had a $115 ticket!”

Me: “Well, I’m very sorry to hear that, but I don’t know what I can do for you about that.”

Caller: “My point is that it took longer to get service in your store than for her to give me a ticket!”

Me: “You parked in a red zone. It doesn’t matter how long you were there for; it’s still illegal.”

Caller: “You should put a sign in front of your store saying that if you park in the red zone while shopping there you’ll get a ticket!”

Me: “Isn’t that what the red paint is for?”

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