Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

They’re Not The Brightest Star In The Sky

| Plainsboro, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I lifeguard at a pool in a residential neighborhood. We’re required by state law to check the chlorine and PH of the water every hour. As I’m testing the chemicals, a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Is the chlorine all right? Is it safe to come in?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Woman: “Okay, because last time we came here, when we went home our skin was dark!”

Me: “Oh, the chlorine wouldn’t do that to your skin.”

Woman: “No? Then what would?!”

Me: “…The sun?”

Doesn’t Give A Truck, Part 2

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Caller: “Hey, I just got a text from [Rental Company] saying my truck was stolen, but that doesn’t make any sense because I just returned it.”

Me: “Really? Dang, that sounds terrible! When was the last time you saw it?”

Caller: “Well, see, I’m not the one who turned it in; it was my brother. I gave him the keys and he took it to the [Rental Company] place and dropped it off after hours.”

Me: “I… see. And do you happen to know how exactly he went about that?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t know. He parked it in front of your lot.”

Me: “Sir, can you tell me exactly WHERE he parked it?”

Caller: “Well, see, the center was closed, and he didn’t want to trespass or nothing, so he left it on the edge of that gas station right next door to you.”

Me: “Sir, he didn’t leave it on our premises, so it wasn’t turned in properly.”

Caller: “Hey, he sent me pictures. I’m not responsible for this. My brother turned it in, and I can prove he did.”

Me: “Did he make sure to turn in the key?”

Caller: “How was he supposed to do that? You were closed.”

Me: “Sir, there’s an after-hours drop box where you’re supposed to leave your key. You’re telling me he didn’t turn in the key?”

Caller: “No, man! He left it in the center console!”

Me: “…and he didn’t lock the doors?”

Caller: “Well, he wasn’t going to lock the keys in. That’d be pretty stupid, right?”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Anyway, I got pictures, so I can prove my brother turned it in. I won’t be held responsible, and I ain’t paying any damn fees.”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “So we’re good, right? I did my part. I called it in. Now it’s your problem.”

Me: “Sir, it is absolutely still your problem. That truck was stolen due to negligence. You should have told your brother how to turn it in, or else drove it in yourself. It’s still your name on the rental.”

Caller: “No way! I got pictures! I can prove he turned it in! You can’t make me pay for this! It wasn’t my fault! That truck was there, right in front of your place last night! Do you want me to send you the pictures he took?”

Me: “Sir, did you get the text from [Rental Company] before or after your brother sent you the pictures?”

Caller: “Oh, I got the text WAY after, but it doesn’t matter because we turned it in.”

Me: “Let me transfer you to customer service…”

Related:

Doesn’t Give A Truck

Wish You Could Shoe Away This Customer

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hi, [Customer], I see here you want to place an order for this shoe?”

Customer: “Yes, can we also get the brown pair as well?”

Me: “Of course, give me one moment!”

(I find the other shoe pretty quickly.)

Me: “Okay, you’re new total is $32.93.”

Customer: “No, that other agent said I would get free shipping!”

(I look over the order total. The shipping for an order with more than one item is, as I thought, 8.95. But it looks like the last agent gave her a $10 store credit to cover the shipping.)

Me: “It looks like you are only paying for the cost of the shoes; I see a $10 credit that has been placed on the account to cover the shipping.”

Customer: “No! My total is supposed to be 13 dollars!”

Me: “Ma’am, that would be your total if you had only one pair of shoes.” *breaks down the total for her of the two shoes [16.99 each] and the shipping, and then points out the ten dollar credit*

Customer: “Well, if I place one order with one item, and then I can call you guys back and place the second order, then will it be 13 dollars like he said it would?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can place all the orders you want with me right here, and placing the items on different orders would make it cheaper, but we do ask that you pay for the cost of the shoes.”

Customer: “Okay, let’s do that!”

Me: “Okay.” *takes one pair of shoes out of the cart* “Your total is $13.94. Do I have your permission to charge your card?”

Customer: “Why am I paying for shipping still?!”

Me: *considering disconnecting the call* “Ma’am, you aren’t paying for the shipping. Since there is only one item in the cart, your shipping is only 6.95. We gave you a $10 discount, so the shipping is free and the shoe itself is almost four dollars cheaper.”

Customer: *defeated* “Well, I’m just confused. I wasn’t told anything about any credit!”

Me: *deep breath while customer is on mute* “When we waive the shipping fee for you, we actually put a credit on your account to cover the shipping.”

Customer: *even more confused* “I want to talk somebody else.”

Me: *in a more firm, but still very nice tone* “Ma’am, no matter who you talk to math still works like math. If you have a shoe that costs $16.99 and shipping that costs $6.95, your total WILL be $23.94 normally, but we gave you a $10 discount on your order so your total is $13.94.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m confused but go ahead and place the order.”

Me: “Do I have your permission to charge your card in the amount of $13.94?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *places order then gets the other shoe in the basket* “All right, now you have free shipping. I have the other shoe in your basket; do I have your permission to charge your card in the amount of $16.99?”

Customer: “No! The shoes are supposed to be 13 dollars! What is going on?”

Me: *goes quiet for what feels like forever* “The cost of the shoe is $16.99. Do I have your permission to charge your card in the amount of $16.99.”

Customer: “Well, I guess!”

Me: *places order* “Any other questions I can help you out with?”

Customer: “When should I expect to see them? I have an event I want to wear them at next week.”

Me: *our shipping timeframes are long, but the customer would know the timeframe if she’d read the very obvious description* “They should ship to us in 3-4 weeks because they are imported. Then they will ship out to you in one week.”

Customer: “YOU MEAN I HAVE TO WAIT—”

Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.” *click*

A Pharmalogical Liar

| AL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am checking out a customer. She then hands me a check made out to another pharmacy along with their loyalty card.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is [Drug Store].”

(Normally, people apologize and laugh and fix their check. This customer is altogether another story.)

Customer: “No, it’s not!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is [Drug Store], not [Pharmacy]. I just need you to change that on your check.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! I never shop at [Drug Store]! I hate them! Stop lying!”

Me: “Ma’am, I promise I know where I work.” *I point to my nametag and uniform with the name of my drug store on it*

Customer: “No, I hate [Drug Store]. I never shop there!” *she wags her finger in my face*

Me: “Well, you shopped here tonight!”

(She actually walks outside the door to read the sign outside before she believes me. The customer in line behind her is laughing as she leaves.)

Next Customer: “Little did you know the wrong company had been sending you paychecks all along!”

The PIN-nacle Of Annoying Customers

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(A little bit of background: I work in a small fuel center attached to a grocery store, the kind that’s open air, with the fuel clerk in a small box, using an intercom speaker. We accept debit and credit cards, but our number pad is timed, for whatever reason, so that a dawdling customer will occasionally have to run their debit card again if they take too long. An elderly woman comes up to the window.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to put $10 on pump eight.”

Me: “All righty.” *opening the drawer and seeing that she’s given me a card* “And will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Debit.”

Me: *I nod and run her card, putting it back into the drawer, with the number pad* “Okay, ma’am, if you could just enter your PIN for me please.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Y-your PIN, please?”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “You’re running this as a debit card, right?”

Customer: “Yes, this is a debit card. It says right here.”

Me: “Well, if you’re running debit, I need you to enter your PIN on that little number pad right there.”

Customer: “Oh, okay”

(She starts to enter it and as she does the number pad times out, requiring me to run the debit card again, normally either not a problem or at worst a minor annoyance.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. It looks like the number pad timed out. I just need to run your card again, please.”

Customer: “What? I just did it.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I just need to run your card so you can re-enter your PIN.”

Customer: “But I already put it in.”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but it didn’t go through correctly. I need to run the card again.”

Customer: *starting to get pissy* “Now, look, I already put my number in. Can I pump my gas yet or not?”

Me: *I’m starting to lose my patience at this point* “Not yet. I need to run your card again, ma’am. Please, I’m trying to help you.”

Customer: “I already put it in.”

Me: *I decide to leave the ‘box’ figuring she must be having trouble hearing me* “Ma’am, this–” *I open the drawer and point the number pad out* “–is set on a timer, if you don’t enter your number it times out.”

Customer: “So I need to put it in again?”

Me: “Yes, once I’ve run the debit card again.”

Customer: “You know, I would have left already if I wasn’t on empty.”

(She then proceeds to put in her PIN, ignoring that I need to scan the card first.)

Me: *sighing* “Ma’am, I need to run your card fir—”

Customer: “Again?” *types in her PIN, which, once again, does nothing*

Me: *giving up, holding out my hand* “Just… Just give me your card.”

Customer: *hands it over and I go run it, instructing her to enter her PIN, which she, of course, complains about* “I won’t be coming back here again.”

Me: *to myself* “Good riddance.”

Customer #2: “Don’t worry, I’m paying with cash.”

Page 33/390First...3132333435...Last