Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

They’re Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

| Rochester, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An angry customer calls during an historically unprecedented outage. As a utility worker we are working 16-hour minimum days for the duration. The damage is incredible and the outage is extended. This call is on day three:)

Me: “[Company] Electric emergency line. My name is [My Name].”

(I am using my best customer service voice as positivity is my trademark. The customer is raging about the outage. Keep in mind there are almost 1,000 poles on the ground and 5,000 wires down in our service area with 100k plus customers without power at the outage’s peak. We understand people are upset. The customer goes through a tirade about being unhappy and having not seen anyone working; mind you, 2000 workers from around the country are working non-stop. After my sincere apologies and honest understanding, as my place is also out, the customer ends with a question that completely confounds me.)

Customer: “How will I know when my lights are back on?!”

Me: *confused pause* “…they will be brighter than they are now?”

Customer: *click*

Cashing And Crashing

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for the call center of a major ticketing organization. Most of my job consists of helping people find the tickets they want and then helping them pay via the phone. Most customers are great…)

Me: “All right, that brings your total to [amount]. How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “Cash.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t hold the tickets for you so you can pay later. I have to take the payment now on a debit or credit card.”

Customer: “But I want to pay in cash.”

Me: “I understand that, but unfortunately, I cannot accept cash for an over-the-phone purchase since you can’t hand it to me.”

Customer: “You just want to steal my credit card!”

Me: “Not at all. I assure you, many people buy tickets like this every day and it’s completely safe.”

Customer: “I’M ONLY PAYING IN CASH!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I simply cannot take cash as a form of payment over the phone. You are welcome to come to the theater and pay cash if you wish.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid; I’m not in New York.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the theater is the only place we accept cash, ma’am.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’m ordering online.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t pay cash online either.”

Customer: *slams phone down*

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 9

| Helsinki, Finland | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a call centre for an airline making flight bookings to customers. Time difference between Helsinki (GMT+2) and New York (GMT-5) is seven hours.)

Me: “[Airline]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to book return flights from Helsinki to New York. I need go there for a meeting and then come back quickly to another meeting in Helsinki.”

Me: “Sure. When is your meeting you need to attend in New York?”

Customer: “It’s day after tomorrow at 17:00.”

Me: “Okay, that’s really quite a quick departure. Our flights to New York depart at 14:10 and they arrive in New York at 15:55 the same day. I would suggest that you leave tomorrow since you probably won’t get through passport control in an hour to make it to your meeting. Then you would also have at least some time to get used to the time difference.”

Customer: “No, that won’t do, I have a meeting tomorrow here that I need to attend. The meeting is at the airport in New York so I can fly day after tomorrow.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure, I’ll book you the flight the day after tomorrow. When would you like to return?”

Customer: “I have meeting the next morning at 9.00 in Helsinki, so I need to get back from there right away.”

Me: “Oh, that is a problem. Our direct flight back to Helsinki leaves at 17:45, but you won’t make it since your meeting starts at 17:00 and that’s the time you would already need to be back at the gate for boarding. Even with that direct flight you would be back in Helsinki the next morning at 8:50 so you would not make it to a meeting starting at 9:00.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “If you wish to be in Helsinki the next day at 9:00 you would need to leave latest with our 17:45 direct flight to Helsinki and even then you would be late cause the flight arrives in Helsinki at 8:50 and it takes some time for you to go through the passport control and customs.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? How can it take so long to get back?”

Me: “Miss, the flight time for our direct flight from New York to Helsinki is 8 hours and 5 minutes.”

Customer: “Then what the f*** are you talking about the arrival time? If the plane leaves New York at 17:45, it should be in Helsinki somewhere around 2:00 in the morning? I would have plenty of time to get to my meeting!”

Me: “Miss, please note that these times are always on local time of the city stated 17:45 departure time is local time in New York and 8:50 arrival time is local time in Helsinki and there is a seven-hour time difference in between.”

Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? If the flight leaves Helsinki at 14:10 and arrives in New York at 15:55, and then you’re telling me the return flight is from 17:45 to 8:50 the next morning? Check your facts, little miss. The flight from here to New York takes about two hours and the return flight fifteen hours?”

Me: “The flight time to New York is 8 hours 45 minutes and the flight time back to Helsinki is 8 hours and 5 minutes, but you need to consider also the time difference. When the flight leaves from Helsinki at 14:10, local time in New York is only 7:10 in the morning, so the plane arrives in New York 8 hours and 45 minutes later at 15:55…”

Customer: “So what you’re basically saying is that it takes for the flight almost 8 times longer to come back from New York than to fly to New York. Look, you little girl, I’ve been flying so much these flights that I know how this works. You’re incompetent. I want to talk to someone more experienced who knows how to make my booking. Transfer me to your supervisor!”

Me: “Certainly, miss.”

(I took a call to my supervisor, explained the situation, and transferred her through. She ended up yelling to my supervisor that our whole company was incompetent and that she was going to make her bookings through another airline that was more professional.)

Related
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 8
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6

Cash Back Attack, Part 3

| Carbonear, NL, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a big chain store and we allow combined payment: that is, paying with both cash and debit/credit. We also offer cash-back on request. One day, a female customer comes up in the line. Putting through the items is uneventful. What happens next, baffles me.)

Me: “Your total is [total over $20].”

Customer: “I’d like to pay some on cash, some on debit, please.”

Me: “Sure.”

(She gives me the cash, a 20 dollar bill. I deposit it into the register and prepare the debit machine.)

Me: “All right, go ahead and insert the card when you’re ready.”

Customer: “I’d also like 20 dollars cash back, please.”

(Slightly dumbfounded, I make a confused face for a moment, which she doesn’t see luckily.)

Me: “Uh, sure, just select it on the screen there.”

(I gave her the cash-back and even after she left I still struggled to understand the thought process.)

Related:
Cash Back Attack, Part 2
Cash Back Attack

No Vocation For Location

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Troubleshooting is little bit different for callers from offices and for calls using VPN. I work on out-of-hours so it is usually for remote workers, but not always.)

Me: “Are in office or are you remote?”

Caller: “What do you mean by that?”

Me: “Are you in office or are you at your home?”

Caller: “Sorry, I’m not technical savvy.”

Me: “Well, this is not technical. Where are you?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Maybe you need some vacation.”

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