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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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I Am Number Four

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(My best friend and I are working together at a popular Mexican restaurant. It is early-ish in the morning on a Sunday, so we are the only two on shift. She is taking orders on drive-thru and counter, and I am making the food. It’s very slow and we are only getting roughly one or two customers every half hour, so it’s an easy morning. A gentleman walks in the front doors and orders four tacos and a side of potatoes. I am standing right behind the registers and hear his order, so by the time he’s paid for his items I almost have all his food ready. He is the only customer we have. Here is the exchange I hear between him and and my friend:)

Cashier: “Your order will be ready in just a moment.”

Customer: “What’s my order number?”

Cashier: “You don’t need an order number. You are the only customer.”

Customer: *ignoring her, raising his voice* “How am I supposed to get my order without an order number?”

(I have finished making his food now and I am putting all his items on the tray. I think he’s kidding, but after glancing over my shoulder I see his face is red with anger and confusion.)

Customer: “Well? How hard is it to give me my ORDER NUMBER!”

Cashier: “Okay, your order number is… four”.

Customer: *looking as if he’s just fought a battle* “Okay, then!”

(At that moment I turn around and put the tray on the front counter. He has not even had a chance to turn to go to the drink machine to pour his beverage. My friend/cashier grabs his tray so he can’t grab it.)

Cashier: *with the belligerent customer directly in front of her* “NUMBER FOUR! NUMBER FOUR! NUMBER FOUR, YOUR ORDER IS READY! NUMBER FOUR!”

(He angrily took his tray and sat in the totally empty dining room. I had to go the back to avoid laughing at the whole scene.)

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Unable To Vouch For His Common Sense

| Bristol, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m working the tills on a relatively calm day. I serve an elderly customer and he hangs about for a moment.)

Customer: “Those £1 things; do you have one?”

(He’s referring to vouchers that occasionally print with a receipt. One didn’t print with his.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, you didn’t get one this time. It varies depending on what’s in your basket and how much you spend.”

Customer: “No, I just want to look at one! You guys ripped me off the other day.”

(I pull a voucher out of the bin, as plenty of people don’t take them, and show it to the gentleman, going through restrictions and expiration.)

Me: “What was the issue last time?”

Customer: “Well, I had one so I decided to get a big bottle of brandy instead of the large one, but I didn’t get the £1 off!”

(I suddenly remember a coworker telling me a story similar to this.)

Me: “Sir, did you hand them the voucher?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “You have to hand them the voucher to get the money off. We don’t know who has them so we don’t ask for them.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s how vouchers work.”

(He left, muttering about how he would try again some other time. I saw the coworker who told me the story later, and told her about the guy. Apparently he’d been doing this every time he’d come in for about a month.)

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Getting All Hot (Salsa) And Bothered

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(We have three different kinds of salsa, which are named based on their spiciness: mild, medium, and hot. Customers choose their salsa, and employees put it on. I always point to each one as I say their names when asking customers which ones they want. It is a very slow night, I am the only one working on the food line, and the only manager is in the back. This customer is the first one I’ve seen in ten minutes or so.)

Me: “All right, would you like mild, medium, or hot salsa?”

Customer: *points to the mild salsa* “Hot.”

Me: *I figure it’s more likely that he misspoke than that he mis-pointed. I grab the spoon for the mild salsa and keep my eye on the customer’s face* “This one?”

Customer: “Is that the hot?”

Me: *I move my hand over to the spoon for the hot salsa* “Sorry, that was the mild. This one’s the hot.”

Customer: “Mild?”

Me: *I point to the mild* “This one here?”

Customer: “Is that the hot?”

Me: “No, that is the mild.” *I point to the hot* “This is the hot. Did you want the hot salsa?”

Customer: “No, not that one.”

Me: *I point to the mild* “So, the mild?”

Customer: “NOT MILD!”

Me: “Okay, um…” *I point to the medium* “Medium?”

Customer: *clearly getting irate* “HOT! SALSA!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I grab the ladle of hot salsa, and start to bring it to the customer’s food.)

Customer: “NO!” *he points to the mild salsa* “I want HOT SALSA! HOT! SALSA!”

(He’s already yelling because I tried to clarify. He still doesn’t know which salsa is which. Either he gets mad at me now because I explain it, or he gets mad later because his food isn’t spicy, and then gets mad again the next time an employee tries to clarify what he wants. I decide to bite the bullet. I plaster on my cheerful customer service face. My eyes probably glaze over. I am no longer present.)

Me: “Yes, sir! I’m very sorry; I just want to make sure that I get you exactly what you want. It looks like you’re pointing to this one.” *points to mild* “Is that right?”

Customer: “YES! HOT SALSA!”

Me: “I’d be happy to give you some of this, but I’d hate it if you sat down with the food and were disappointed because you expected it to be hot. This one is mild. It has no spiciness whatsoever. Is that okay?”

Customer: “WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR YOU? I DON’T WANT IT TO BE MILD. I WANT HOT SALSA. THAT MEANS SPICY! JUST… AUGH! CAN SOMEONE ELSE DO THIS? SOMEONE SMARTER THAN YOU?”

Me: “Sure! Just a moment, sir.”

(I go in the back to talk to the manager.)

Me: “Sir, there’s a gentleman up front who would like some help with his salsa choices this evening.”

Manager: “Oh, god, you’ve gone robot again. It’s that bad?”

Me: “He says he’d like someone smarter than me to do it.”

Manager: “Oh, boy.”

(The manager goes up front. I stay in the office and watch on the security monitors as the manager listens to the customer, and reaches for the hot salsa. I see the customer gesturing wildly, and hear some yelling from all the way up front. Then the customer storms out without his food. I walk up front, and pass the manager on his way back. He’s holding back laughter.)

Manager: “Good news! He says he’s never coming here again!”