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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Email Fail, Part 9

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [Company]. How can I help you today!”

Customer: “This is an outrage! I received your coupon email, but it won’t work on your site!”

Me: “Okay, could I please have the coupon code to check it?”

Customer: “Which coupon code? I have nothing like that!”

Me: “Oh, I thought you said you had received an email. Wasn’t there a coupon code there?”

Customer: “You mean I have to READ the email?!”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7
Email Fail, Part 6

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A Questionable Transaction

| USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m a photographer and sell some of my photos as stock images. They’re not the extra professional photos that you will find at an art exhibition, but are clear, bright, and detailed photos that can’t (or can hardly) be taken by a point-and-shoot camera. They’re mostly from moments like testing a new lens or when I get bored and just snap a shot of a pair of shoes for no reason. I just figure I can squeeze some money out of these shots. Please also note that it’s instant download: you click the payment button on my website, pay, and then get the link to download, so no communication is needed. I believed it couldn’t be any more simple. I guess I was wrong since sometimes I receive emails, and this one is recent:)

Customer:” I’m writing some books for children and I need two photos. How much would this cost?”

(The price is cheap and the policy that is already written on my website is simple. It’s basically “just pay me and you get the image without watermark to use for whatever purpose, as long as you want and as many times as you want.” I do have an FAQ page for obvious reasons, though. So, out of courtesy, I just copy-paste a part of the FAQ for them.)

Me: “Price is [price], which is visible next to each image on my website, and also in the FAQ page.”

Customer: *two days later* “I have some more questions. Will I have commercial rights for the photos and do you need to be credited as the photographer on my book.”

Me: “Yes and yes.”

Customer: *another two days* “But you don’t expect to receive anything from book sales? I only have to pay one?”

Me: “Please read the FAQ page for my terms. All the answers are in there.”

Customer: *disappears for a week before sending another message* “I will order this weekend.”

(On Monday, I receive this:)

Customer: “One last question before I order: My children’s book 8 x 11. Will the 72dpi work for a book that size or does the book need to be smaller for the 72dpi drawings to work?”

(I have two different prices for 72dpi and 300dpi.)

Me: *really wanted to tell them I’m out of business now, but also wanted to see how this would end* “If you’re going to print it out, you’ll normally need 300dpi. But if it’s just ebook then 72 dpi is enough.”

Customer: “Can you crop the images for me?”

Me: *I thought your last question was… the last question?* “Sure, if you pay extra.”

Customer: *disappears*

(All of this is over two $5 photos with unlimited usage.)

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Looking For Wifi In All The Wrong Places

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Patron: *indicating a tablet* “I just got this and I need help with it.”

Me: “Are you trying to connect to the library Wi-Fi?”

Patron: “No, I just bought this and I need help getting it to work.”

Me: “Ma’am, are you asking me to set up your new tablet for you?”

Patron: “Yes.”

Me: “If you have a question pertaining to the library, I’ll be happy to help you with that, but if you need help setting up your tablet you should contact the company where you purchased it.”

Patron: *bewildered* “So, you just do library questions?”

Me: “…”

(The same patron comes up to the front desk 10 minutes before we close.)

Patron: *indicating same tablet again* “I went and talked to [Company] and I need to set up my Wi-Fi password.”

Me: “You don’t need a password to access the library Wi-Fi. It’s free and not password-protected. Maybe they were talking about setting up your Wi-Fi at home?”

Patron: “I’m not at home. I’m here at the library, and they told me I need to add a password.”

Me: “Not that I’m doubting [Company]’s expert knowledge on every aspect of our library’s Wi-Fi, but I can assure you that it does not require a password and there is no way you could use your tablet to add a password to the library’s Wi-Fi.”

Patron: *holding up cell phone* “But I got a text saying I used 90% of my gigabytes and they are charging me for it and it was because of your Wi-Fi! I need to add a password!”

Me: “There is no possible way that [Company] is charging you for using our free, public library Wi-Fi. Now, we’re about to close, so why don’t you come back tomorrow and use our Wi-Fi then?”

Patron: *with a judgmental glare* “Fine. I’ll just go to a coffee shop. Maybe THEY will help me!”

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Weapons Of Mass Dysfunction

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid

(We sell weapons for theater and film. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Store], your epic armoury. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Aw, yeah, I got your number from the Internet. Do you sell, like, antique swords and that?”

Me: “Sorry, no. Our weapons are all modern recreations. They’re for theater, film, or LARP, depending on the brands.”

Customer: “Yeah, right, right. Have you got any katana brand swords?”

Me: “Do you mean Katana Craft?”

Customer: “Nah, nah, just katana brand.”

Me: “Other than KC there’s no ‘katana brand.’ That’s just a particular type of sword.”

Customer: “Yeah, have you got any in?”

Me: “We’ve got [rattles off LARP- and theater-use brands].”

Customer: “And those are, like, metal, yeah? Like, I can just get one and put them on the wall?”

Me: “Uh, not quite. We’ll need to see your license and need proof that you have an appropriate lock-up for the weapons.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Well, if you’re Victorian based, then the local legislation treats them as a deadly weapon. You’ll need a permit or prohibited weapons license, and an appropriate storage unit, like a clear fronted gun cabinet.”

Customer: “So how do I get a license?”

Me: “You go somewhere that offers training in your weapon of choice, or to a larger police station.”

Customer: “Oh, so, like, I should just go to the police station and tell them I want to buy a whole bunch of swords but I don’t have a case?”

Me: *sigh* “Yeah… That’s what you should do.”

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Their Brain Is Already Filled With Rocks

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(A woman has called in to ask question about a purse she saw online.)

Customer: “How much does it weigh?”

Me: “It looks like it weighs ten ounces.”

Customer: Is that the weight empty?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Fill it up and weigh it again. I’m not allowed to lift more than five pounds; it has to be less than that full.”

Me: “The weight will depend on what you choose to put in it.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, if I fill it with rocks it will weigh more than if I fill it with feathers.”

Customer: “What? No! It will be full. It will weigh the full weight. That will be the same!”

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