Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Not In Good (Insurance) Company

| Perth, WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work on the front desk at a repair shop. A client calls us back; they called earlier and spoke with someone else.)

Client: “I need you to tell me who my insurance is.”

Me: “…Pardon?”

Client: “I called before and you told me that I needed to find out who insured my car, so tell me who insures my car!”

Me: “Er, sorry, I wouldn’t know that. You need to know who your insurance is with.”

Client: “Well, I don’t know who my insurance is! Find out for me!”

Me: “I can’t do that. There’s more than two dozen insurance companies in the immediate area alone. Do you have any documents about your insurance? An insurance policy? An invoice?”

Client: “This is bullshit! I pay $1000 a month to be insured, and you don’t even know who it is?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but we aren’t your insurance company. We fix cars. We don’t know who your insurance company is.”

Client: “WHY NOT?!”

Me: “Because we aren’t your insurance company, we haven’t ensured your car, and you have never dealt with us before. There is no way for us to know where your car is insured.”

Client: “When I bought this car, I spent a lot of money on getting this protection pack and I was promised [Insurance Company]’s extended protection and—”

Me: “Excuse me—”

Client: “I’m not finished!”

(Cue a five minute long rant about how he spent so much money on his car, during which he mentions the insurance company’s name no less than four times.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir. But did you say that you have [Insurance Company]’s protection?

Client: “YES!”

Me: “So, you mean [Insurance Company] is your insurance company?”

Client: “How should I know?!”

Me: “Okay, well, if you have [Insurance Company]’s cover, then that is your insurance company.”

Client: “God, was that so f***ing hard?!”

Common Sense Has Folded

| Wilsonville, OR, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “Where are all my old emails? I had them in the deleted items box so I could refer to them.”

Me: “They were removed from the deleted items box because they were deleted and you no longer wanted them.”

Customer: “I store them there so I only have to push a button to get them filed. Also so I can find out who contacted me previously about a construction contract I have in case I get sued.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. They were in the deleted items box and they were deleted to help ease the migration from POP to IMAP.”

Customer: “Can you restore all my emails?”

Me: “With your backup I can put them in a folder.”

Customer: “What’s a folder?”

Me: “It’s a place to put email you want to save, manually.”

Customer: “That seems like a lot of extra work. Why can’t I just push a button?”

To Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

| NS, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a retail company and some of the things we sell have rebates. Customer fills out form, sends it in, 4-6 weeks later they receive a prepaid Visa card in the mail. Pretty simple, right?)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I am FURIOUS!”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry to hear that. What happened?”

Customer: “You sent me a Visa card in the mail! I just got it!”

Me: “You mean a prepaid one, right?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

Me: “Oookay… Something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I didn’t tell you to send me this!”

Me: “Sir, did you recently fill out a rebate form?”

Customer: “Yeah! On a ream of paper.”

Me: “Well, that’s what we send you- a prepaid Visa card. You can use it anywhere. Was it for the right amount?”

Customer: “Yes.. But I didn’t give you authorization to use my personal information!”

Me: “What do you mean?

Customer: “In order to send me this you had to go in and get my credit card information! I didn’t give that to you! How did you get that?”

Me: “Sir, it’s prepaid. There is money already on it,. Once you use it, it is gone. You don’t need to pay it off. It’s like a gift card. We don’t have your credit information. We don’t need your credit information. It’s perfectly safe.”

Customer: “Yeah?! Well, I didn’t tell you to send it to me!”

Me: “Did you fill out the form?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then you told us to send you that.”

Customer: “Well, you should state what you’re sending me on the form!”

Me: “We do… at the top… in big bold letters.”

Customer:  “Yeah, but-”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

(I guess some people have nothing better to do.)

Related:
To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5
To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3

Alarmingly Bad At Listening

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I am ringing up a customer. The transaction goes smoothly until he is about to walk away with his purchases in his cart.)

Me: “Oh, sir, you can’t take the cart out the doors. Our alarm will go off.”

(The customer ignores me and keeps walking. Thankfully he turns around because his wife wanted to purchase another pair of shoes. Once that is done, I try again. Once again, he ignores me.)

Me: “Sir, you can’t take the cart.”

(The customer and his wife ignore me and continue to leave, until the security alarm goes off.)

Customer: *pokes head back through the door* “Am I good?”

Me: “No, you can’t take the cart.”

Customer: *smiles and nods* “Okay.” *leaves with the cart*

Me: “Well… okay, then.”

Hasn’t Quite Cottoned On

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Top

(I work in a fabric store and am a lot younger than I look, so customers often patronise me. I’m used to it.)

Customer: “I’m looking for cotton fabric.”

Me: “Okay, any particular weave? We have plain woven, knitted jersey, japara—”

Customer: “I don’t think you heard me. I want cotton fabric.”

(Deciding not to argue I take her to the cheapest cotton fabric, which is just plain woven poplin, very similar to the fabric they use to make bed-sheets.)

Customer: *in a patronising tone* “Don’t you know anything? I want c-o-t-t-o-n!”

Me: “Yes, this is 100% cotton.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. Cotton is the fabric they make jeans out of.”

Me: “Oh, you mean denim?”

Customer: “No, cotton. Jeans are made of cotton.”

Me: “Yes, jeans are made of cotton, but it is woven in a particular way to make a fabric called ‘denim.'”

Customer: “It’s not called denim, you silly girl. Denim is a boy’s name. Cotton comes from a special animal and is used to make jeans. Or have you not gotten to that part of school yet?”

Me: “Actually, cotton comes from a plant and has a variety of uses that are not just restricted to jeans. Now if you’ll excuse me, my shift ended two minutes ago and I need to get home and finish my university assignment, which is a literature review on the critical success factors of the implementation of enterprise resource planning information systems.”

(I showed her the fabric she was looking for on my way out. She looked embarrassed when she saw the tag did, in fact, read ‘denim.’)

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