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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

How To Package Crazy

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(Due to a mistake on the shipper’s part, I need to go to the local UPS depot to pick up a package sent to me. As this is a depot, not a store-front, they only have a single desk off to the side for customer service, and today there’s an unusually long line for assistance. This happens once the person in front of me gets up.)

Employee: “Yes, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to set up a PO box, please.”

Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is UPS, not the post office. I—”

Customer: “Look, I’ve been in line for a half an hour now. You’re going to help me or I’ll get your supervisor!”

Employee: “Ma’am, I am the supervisor on duty right now, and that doesn’t change the fact that you’re at the wrong location.”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me I’m in the wrong location! I live a block and a half from here; this is DEFINITELY the right location!”

Employee: “No, it’s NOT, ma’am. This is the UNITED PARCEL SERVICE. You are looking for the US POSTAL SERVICE. Their office is across the street and down two.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re just trying to confuse me. This is the same place! This is just the union one and that’s the non-union. Now help me with my box!”

Guy Behind Me: “LADY! Do you go to a car dealer and demand to see their selection of birthday cards, because ‘car’ and ‘card’ are one letter apart? Because that’s what you’re doing here! Now get out of the line you’ve been in for less than FIVE minutes and stop harassing that poor man!”

(Somehow this was the employee’s fault, and she took another minute yelling at him about ‘letting that guy talk to me that way.’ Finally she storms off, yelling that she will ‘call President Obama on you all,’ and I step up.)

Me: “Yes, can I pick up my FedEx package? Oh, and also I’d like some of whatever pills she’s taking!”

Employee: “I think that’s the problem. She didn’t take her pills today!”

Your Nameless Days Are Numbered

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(We always ask for the name first for several reasons. We need to give the system time to populate their information and we need to make sure that we’re allowed to speak to the caller before we get in too deep.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m calling about my claim for date of service [date] with [Doctor] and you guys say I owe [amount].”

(I head-desk, and pause longer than company standard, as I furiously try to note the information I was given because we get dinged for making callers repeat information.)

Me: “Okay, I can look at that claim for you. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: *gives first, middle, and last name, spelling all three*

Me: “Thank you. And may I have your phone number so I can document that we spoke today?”

Customer: “What number?”

Me: *reaches for more headache meds and coffee*

More Money Than Sense

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(As I am ringing up a customer, I begin asking her the standard questions that I’m required to ask as a cashier. She is buying a tablet.)

Me: “Would you like to add on a year of coverage to this in case it gets dropped or stops working?”

Customer: “No, it’s only $100. If it breaks, I’ll just get a new one.”

A Paltry Understanding Of Poultry

| Alabaster, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Egg and cheese. That’s poultry, right?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Poultry. Poultry means vegetarian, right?”

Me: “Um, sometimes vegetarians eat poultry and animal products. It just depends on the person.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. People are just changing all of this political correctness and I don’t know what things mean anymore. You’ll ask stupid questions when you’re my age and people change what words mean.”

Required: One Marauder’s Map

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a large retail store that requires maps for customers. An older woman approaches me with said map…)

Woman: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Woman: “Well, that map:” *points to the one bolted to the floor* “It shows me where I’m currently standing, but this one:” *shows the paper map she’s holding* “doesn’t. Why?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that’s the map you actually carry throughout the store. There’s no way for it to know where you are at any time.”

Woman: “Well, all of your maps should show me where I am in the store!”

Me: *taking her paper map* “Let me see if I can get the GPS on this paper map fixed for you.”

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