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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Acting Bittersweet About The Sweets

| Serbia | Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I was working as a promoter for a [Popular Brand] inside a supermarket telling people that they can buy certain items within the brand for a certain amount of money and then receive a gift at the front. I explain this to one woman.)

Customer: “Do dark chocolates count?”

Me: “Yes, they certainly do.”

Customer: “But they didn’t count last week.”

Me: “I wasn’t aware of that; I worked in a different store last week, but I assure you, you will receive your gift if you buy the dark chocolates.”

(The woman was still suspicious, so I showed her the list of products that I had in my hand.)

Customer: “What about the one for cooking?”

Me: “Yes, that one counts as well.”

Customer: “But they didn’t count last week!””

Me: “Again, I know nothing about that.”

(I show her my list again.)

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “I’m not sure. It’s around [price], but if you look over there, just a couple of meters away, you’ll see the exact price.”

Customer: “How do you not know the price? You work here.”

Me: “Actually, I don’t work in the supermarket. I don’t even work for [Popular Brand]. I work for a marketing agency that was hired by the brand. I work in different stores every week and the prices vary.”

Customer: “You know, I’m older and, therefore, wiser, so I’ll forgive you this time, but there are all sorts of idiots out there that are going to make a fuss about something as trivial as this. I would advise you to try and do your job a little better next time. But it’s okay.”

(She kissed me on the cheek, smiled a fake smile, and walked away without the chocolates.)

Found The ID But Lost The Plot

| VA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(In college, I work at the bookstore. Students can use their ID cards to make purchases, and the charges would go on their bill with tuition, room and board, etc. If a student attempted to make a purchase with an ID that had been replaced, I would see an error message, and the student would need to use a different method of payment. This happens as I am finishing a transaction.)

Me: “Your total is [total]. How would you like to pay?”

Student: *hands me ID card*

Me: *gets error message that the ID has been lost/stolen* “I’m sorry, but your ID card has been replaced. I need your new ID to process the sale.”

Student: “No, no, no. This is the new ID. I just got it yesterday.”

Me: “This can’t be the new ID because I’m getting an error message that this card has been reported lost or stolen. That message only comes up after you’ve replaced an ID.”

Student: *puts both hands on counter and leans in* “Do you meant to tell me that I somehow managed to lose my original ID, get it replaced, lose the new ID, and then find my old ID without noticing?!”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Student: *agitated* “How is that even possible?!” *storms out*

His Shopping Trip Came Crashing To The Floor

| Agadir, Morocco | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(My dad had heard from a few friends of ours that it’s a good idea to wax the outdoors brick floors so they don’t absorb water. They gave him the name of the brand they use. He’s the slightly moronic customer in this one. We don’t speak French, and they rarely speak English in this area.)

Dad: “I need [Brand] so I can wax our brick floors.”

Employee: *points to bucket*  “It’s for preparing walls before you put on tiles.”

Dad: “No, no, it’s for waxing floors!”

Employee: “Nnnnno, it’s for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “No, it’s not! I need to talk to your expert.”

(An expert comes over, and tries to explain repeatedly what my dad is trying to buy.)

Expert: “This is for preparing walls before you tile.”

Dad: “You’re ALL clearly very wrong.”

(My dad marched out of the store with a five-litre bucket. The bad news: My dad painted the entire roof terrace with sticky stuff meant to help tiles stick to the wall. The good news: He did a really neat job, and it _almost_ doesn’t feel like you’ve stepped in dry soda anymore.)

Heed The Words Of Wisdom

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our libraries offer self-checkout stations in addition to staff-assisted checkout. The self-check consists of a touch-screen monitor and barcode scanner. Using the scanner can take some practice. If it doesn’t get the entire item barcode an error message appears on the monitor. There are also several other error messages a customer can get regarding late fees, exceeding the checkout limit, etc. Because the monitors face customers and not the staff, we don’t know what error someone has unless we run around the counter to look. Some customers aren’t great at articulating which error message they’ve received or for asking for assistance at all.)

Customer: *scans an item* “There. Are. Words.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Did you get an err—”

Customer: “THERE ARE WORDS ON THE SCREEN!”

Me: “Let’s take a look. It’s asking you to tap the ‘OK’ button and scan the item again because it misread the barcode.”

Customer: *she jabs at the screen and re-scans the item aggressively*

Me: “Yay, it worked!”

Customer: *grunts and walks away*

Coworker: “If she couldn’t handle reading the screen, how will she manage with the book she’s checked out?”

In A Muddle Over The Mobble

| Wales | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(Most of our visitors are from England, and although we’re familiar with the ‘tourist’ pronunciations of a lot of town names, sometimes they manage to pronounce something so crazy that we have to ask them to spell it, which for us, usually spells trouble…)

Customer: *a smartly-dressed older lady* “Hi. I want to get to Mobblegarnith.”

Me: “Mobblegarnith? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of it. Did you perhaps mean [Town Name In Cheshire]? It’s a good two-and-a-half hours from here.”

Customer: “It must be near here; I think we passed a sign for it on our way in.”

Me: “Well, the nearest town to here that begins with ‘M’ is [Town Name].”

Customer: “No. Not there.”

Me: “Well, how about [another nearby town name that begins with ‘M’]?”

Customer: “No. Not there either.”

Me: “What about [town that doesn’t begin with ‘M’ but roughly rhymes with the ‘garnith’ part]?”

Customer: “No, no, NO, stupid! It’s not there. It’s Mobblegarnith!” *slowly and louder* “MOBBLE. GARNITH!”

Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but could you spell it for me? Or perhaps tell me a name of another town you passed by where you saw the signs?”

Customer: “Oh for crying out loud. M. A. C. H. Y—”

Me: “Oh! You mean Machynlleth?! That’s a good hour from us, and it’s back the way you came from [Their Hometown].”

Customer: “Yes, finally! Mobblegarnith. I don’t get why you Welsh people have to pronounce it differently just to wind us English up. It’s CLEARLY Mobblegarnith.”

Me: “I assure you it’s not deliberate. The Welsh alphabet is just a tiny bit bigger than the English one. We actually have 28 letters versus your 26, so we have to combine some of the letters in the alphabet to finish making up our alphabet. The pronunciations are all right once you get used to them, though.”

Customer: “Don’t lecture me, young lady! Your alphabet is nothing more than silly lies; if you’d been properly educated you’d know how to pronounce all these places. Now, could you please, very kindly, if it is not too much trouble, tell me how to get to Mobblegarnith?”

Me: “Right, okay. I can print you some map directions if you like?”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you, you are most kind.”

Me: *prints maps and hands them to customer* “Here you go! Road directions to Machynlleth. Since you had such trouble getting here, I’ll waive the printing fee.”

Customer: “For goodness’ sakes, girl, say it PROPERLY.”

Me: *dying a bit inside* “I hope you have a safe journey to Mobblegarnith.”

Customer: *gives a satisfied nod, and turns on her heels to leave*

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