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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

The Birds And The Bees And The Fish

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(An adult calls our aquarium with a question.)

Caller: “Do red devils have babies?”

(Red devils are a type of cichlid.)

Me: *thinking this is a prank* “Yes, they do.”

Caller: “How does that happen?”

Me: “Well, when a boy fish and a girl fish love each other very much…”

Caller: “No, no, I get that, but I had a male and it was fine, but when I put a female in the tank with it, after a while there were all these tiny red fish in there.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *sounding confused* “So are they…?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But how does that happen?!”

Me: “What exactly are you asking me?”

Caller: “I’m asking you if my fish can have babies!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they can.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 12

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

(Its ten minutes to close and I’m in the process of closing my store. A customer comes in with a store bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I bought a helicopter from you guys a few months ago. I was wondering if I could exchange it?”

Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My son flew it into a tree.”

Me: “All righty, I just need the receipt, and if you’ll pass me the copter I can see how much damage it’s sustained.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have the helicopter. It’s still in the tree. And I don’t have a receipt either, I don’t keep receipts. I brought the controller so you can see I actually bought it, and I’m not lying to you.”

Me: “Okay, the controller matches the copters we sell here, but I can’t just exchange the controller for a new box. I need the copter as well. And a receipt.”

Customer: “But I bought it here; the controller is proof!”

Me: “I don’t doubt that you bought it from here, sir, but I really do need everything that was in the box, including the helicopter, in order for me to do anything.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. You’re telling me I drove two hours to merely exchange this copter for my son, and it was all in vain?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I really can’t do anything until I have the copter and a receipt.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. What kind of policy is that?!”

Me: “I think you’ll find most stores exercise the same policy as we do about not having the product you’re exchanging.”

Customer: “Fine! Give me your manager’s card and I’ll be back! You haven’t heard the end of this!”

(He never came back and nothing else has come of this.)

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 11
Refunder Blunder, Part 10
Refunder Blunder, Part 9

No Money, More Problems

| Washington, DC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a law office that represents banks in their dealings with the SEC, Federal Reserve, FDIC, etc.)

Caller: “I need bankruptcy help!”

Me: “We represent banks in their dealings with federal and state regulators.”

Caller: “I need to file bankruptcy!”

Me: “We don’t do that here.”

Caller: “Well, who does?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Caller: “Let me talk to the lawyer. He knows.”

Me: “We don’t do that sort of work, sir. We can’t help you.”

Caller: “I’ll tell everyone about you! I’ll tell your boss you’re not helping me! You’re supposed to help me! It’s in the Hippocratic Oath!”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.” *hang up*