Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Should Have Tried That Second Line First

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m second-line support and for most of the day, I’m calling customers back to deal with things first-line can’t. After 5 pm, if it’s busy we help first-line out and take incoming calls, partly because our calls are often long, partly because most of our customers close at 5 pm and are unlikely to be there. I am taking a troublesome call that goes past 5:30, and my boss is standing behind me, wanting to close up so he can collect his kids.)

Caller: “Look, I know how this works. Nobody on first-line knows anything. Tou’re just trying to get rid of me because it’s past 5:30!”

Me: “Well, the most senior of the 2nd-line technicians are still here. Would you like to talk to them?”

Caller: “Yes! Finally. Put him on.”

Me: “Okay her name’s [My Name]. I’ll just get her.”

(I put him on hold for two seconds, pick up again, repeat what I’d told him to do without even asking about the problem, and he goes away happy.)

Boss: “I wish I could be surprised that worked.”

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Fry Your Brains

, | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(It’s a semi-busy night. I and one other manager are up front helping to get orders out when this woman grabs my attention from across the counter.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you make sure my fries are extra crispy?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am.”

Customer: “Good. Thanks. I can’t have all that extra fat in me.”

Me: *stunned speechless for a few seconds* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “I need them extra well done so there isn’t as much fat on my fries.”

(I blink a few more times before smiling, nodding, and turning around to relay this information to the manager.)

Manager: *in response to the customers request* “Wait, what?”

Me: “You heard me.”

Manager: “Did you explain how deep frying works?”

Me: “You know, it wasn’t worth the argument.”

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Denser Than The Dough

, | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the bakery department of a rather large supermarket chain. We are one of the few remaining chains in the area with a fresh bakery: our breads are made from scratch every morning. We have a particularly smug customer who always thinks he is right about everything. Normally he complains about the prices on products, expecting the prices to never change… ever.)

Customer: “Do you have any Mountain Bread?”

(This type of bread is a round loaf cut in a particular way with flour on top to make it look like the snow on a mountain. It is extremely popular.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we ran sold out of that today. But if you would like to buy this loaf here—” *I gesture to an Italian loaf* “—it is the exact same bread. It is just a different shape.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! It tastes completely different. The dough is nothing alike!”

Me: “I assure you sir, they are exactly the same.”

Customer: “NO, THEY AREN’T! I KNOW MY BREAD AND THESE ARE NOT THE SAME! WHAT DO YOU KNOW?! I’M AN EXPERT WITH BREAD!”

Me: “And I know MY bread as I made these both this very morning, and I assure you the dough for both is made in one giant batch. We set aside some of it to make into round Mountain loafs and some of it to be set aside for the more standard Italian loaves. It is the exact same dough; the only difference is that the Mountain bread gets flour on top. That is it.”

Customer: “YOU’RE WRONG! THE DOUGH IS NOTHING ALIKE!”

Me: *fed up* “How about you try a piece?”

(I take a loaf from the shelf and offer him a slice. He takes the slice and takes a bite.)

Customer: “…I guess it is close… BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!” *he takes a loaf and leaves*

Me: *to a coworker* “What part of I MADE THIS and IT COMES FROM THE SAME BATCH was so hard to understand?”

Coworker: “Some people are just dense…”

(The customer still shops in my store, though he hasn’t had any big issues like this in quite some time.)

Doubly Invalid

| Italy | Extra Stupid, Technology

(We develop a software that controls the validity of lists of data against European Community databases. A prospective client calls to gather information.)

Client: “Yes, I’ve been told about your program and I’d be interested in buying it. Just a question, though.”

Me: “Sure.”

Client: “We have a very large amount of data to check so I’d really like to make these controls only for the invalid data.”

Me: “Well, the program offers a report with a summary of the controls, and you can also use the built-in filter to extract only the ones that didn’t check out.”

Client: “Okay, but how do I know which one will not check out?”

Me: “…Well, you load the data in the program and it will give you the results.”

Client: “But I have a lot of data! It will take too long! I only want to run the control for the data that will result incorrect!”

Me: “…You want to know the results BEFORE running the program?”

Client: “Yes!”

Me: “So you can take the wrong data and process it again so it can tell you once more that it’s wrong?”

Client: “Yes!”

Me: “…”

Their Math Education Came At A Discount

| Aurora, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(My work has a toilet on sale for $189.00, which is a 40% discount. Most people are very pleased with the deal and I personally have sold quite a few.)

Customer: “Why is this on sale?”

Me: “It’s just a deal that we came up with for our customers.”

Customer: “Is it damaged?”

Me: “No, sir, not at all. This is only a display model, as well. You will be getting one that is boxed.”

Customer: “What if I want this one?”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a display model. Displays are not for sale. You get one in a box, straight from the maker.”

Customer: “That is just weird.”

Me: “Well, the display model gets touched by hundreds of people. The one you get will be nice and new.”

Customer: “What about the price?”

Me: “It’s a great deal. It’s 40% off!”

Customer: “That’s it?”

Me: “Sir?

Customer: “That doesn’t seem like that great of a deal.”

Me: “Well, sir, the original price is $315, so you would be saving $126.00 on it.”

Customer: “Can I pay $126 and still get it?”

Me: “No, sir. You would still owe me over $60 dollars.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because the price is $189.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense. It’s $126 off so that is what I should pay. That is my offer.”

Me: “We don’t sell things by offers, sir. We sell them by the listed prices. The item is 60% off, which makes the price $189.00. It is a huge discount from the original price.”

Customer: “But I made my offer.”

Me: “Yes, but we don’t sell things by best offer. We sell things by our prices. The price is $189.00.”

Customer: *pulling out his phone and using a calculator app* “But $126 is only 40% off! So your 189.00 is way higher than what you think! So because you are wrong, I should get it at $126.”

Me: “Sir, discounts don’t work that way. You subtract the discount from the original. 315 minus 126 is 189, making it a 40% discount. To pay $126, you would be receiving a 60% discount.”

Customer: “That is not true! Give me the discount you advertised!”

Me: “That is what I am trying to do.”

Customer: “Liar!” *storms off*

Next Customer: “Was he really unhappy saving over a hundred dollars?”

Me: “Apparently, yes.”

Next Customer: “Well, I think it’s a great deal. I’ll buy two for my house, as long as you ring it up!”

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