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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”

Brain Not Listed

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I run tech support for our web hosting system. When a user submits a ticket, the form asks which site they are referring to.)

Customer: “I am looking to gain admin rights. Please send me an update and a possible timeline of when it will be confirmed.”

Me: *checking form to see “Site Not Listed” for the site name* “Thank you for the information, but I need to know the site you are referring to before I can confirm with the authorities that you are to be the new admin.”

Customer: “I need admin rights for our account. The previous admin is no longer here.”

Me: “Again, I need to know which site you are referring to. What is the name of the site as it appears on our system? You indicated “Site Not Listed” on the form and your message does not state which site you are referring to. I need to know the name of the site in order to assist.”

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I just need admin rights!”

Me: “…”

It’s Going To Be A Long Overnight

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah I’d like a refund on my shipping ’cause it was late.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Can I get your tracking number, please?”

(The customer gives me the tracking number and it looks like it arrived on time.)

Me: “It looks like you selected to two-day delivery on this shipment. This package left had a commitment to be delivered on the third by 12 and it got there at 10:30.”

Customer: “That’s not two-day shipping. I shipped it out on the first so it should get delivered on the second day, the second. It’s late.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that would be an overnight shipment not—”

Customer: “Why would I want to pay an overnight fee to get it delivered on the next day?! I’m not an idiot!”

(This is where I begin to lose my cherub-like demeanor.)

Me: “Look, you shipped it on the first with a two transit day delivery option. So the first and the second are the transit days, and the third is the delivery.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong. You’re saying three-day shipping! I wanted two! If it ships on the first, it gets delivered on the second!”

(I’m nearing the end of my talk time so I try something different…appealing to his logical side.)

Me: “Okay, so if you ship overnight, when will it get there?”

Customer: “Duh! The next day.”

Me: “Right! Perfect! Okay, what about two-day? When would that get there if overnight gets there the next day?”

(Silence for 10 seconds…)

Customer: “The next! You can’t trick me! I’m not stupid! Gimme my money back!”