Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Are You Sitting Uncomfortably?

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

(Our theater has electric recliner-style chairs. They’re very nice, but they are often broken by guests who mistreat them, and so we’re constantly having to fix them. I’m returning from my lunch break, when I see an elderly couple confronting a petite, teenaged coworker of mine. Despite being in their 70s, the husband is HUGE and looks like he could easily overpower everyone there.)

Wife: “My husband is usually a peaceful man! But you’ve pushed him, and now he needs closure and needs you to pay!”

Husband: *fuming* “I’m gonna have someone’s head!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry… What is the issue?”

Wife: “You know what it is!”

Coworker: “I apologize, ma’am. Let me call a manag—”

Wife: *interrupting* “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!”

(I rush over and get a manager, who approaches them. I hear the husband and wife screaming on and off for the next five minutes, before they leave, making sure to announce loudly they’re “never” coming back to this theater, and telling every… single… person they can that we’re “cruel” and “worthless” thieves.)

Manager: *walking up to me* “Well… that was interesting…”

Me: “What was going on?”

Manager: “Someone must have broken one of the seats in the screening before those customers, because his seat was stuck permanently reclined, and it hurt his back trying to lay down in it.”

Me: “Oh, were there no other seats that he could switch to? Why didn’t they just have someone come in to fix the chair?”

Manager: “That’s the thing. I just checked, and they were the ONLY ones there. There was literally about 100 empty seats around them… He just decided that he wouldn’t switch seats, and then got mad because the one seat he picked happened to be the one broken one.”

Me: “And that’s our fault, somehow?”

Manager: “Sadly, that’s not even in the top-five of dumbest thing we’ve been blamed for by angry guests this week…”

Nothing You Can Do To Get Out Of This Loop

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid

(My store has recently started a new ‘Store Pick-Up’ option where customers can order items online and then pick them up at a local location the same day. Corporate is running several different sales that can only be applied to these online orders. This is turning into a problem since many customers are seeing the low prices online and get angry when they come into the store and see a higher price tag. A customer calls me over and starts to complain about this discrepancy. I explain the special sale, but she isn’t having it.)

Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me?”

Me: “There’s actually a lot we can do! We can process your purchase online using the store computer and it can be ready for you, at the sale price, in about 10 to 20 minutes.”

Customer: “20 minutes?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s one option. If that doesn’t sound good, remember that this sale will be going on for a few weeks. You’re welcome to go home, purchase as much as you’d like online and then pick it up the next time you’re in town.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just go up to the register and give me this price today? You’re going to lose a lot of business this way!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this sale is specifically meant to encourage people to shop online and use the in-store pick up. I’m not allowed to manually adjust any of the prices to this level.”

Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me?”

Me: “…Ma’am, there are still several ways that we can get you this sale. We can use a store computer and process an online order within about 10 minutes, or you can put in the order at your leisure and pick it up another time. Are you interested in doing either of those?”

Customer: “Just change the price for me at the register; I want these items right now.”

Me: “I can’t do that, I’m afraid. These prices are only for people who use the online ordering system.”

Customer: “…So there’s nothing you can do for me?”

Counting Up The Idiots

| USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I’m a supervisor at a well-known department store. I am ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so that’ll be $20.24.”

Customer: “But the sign said it was on sale for $24.99.”

Me: “Okay… but it’s $20.24.”

Customer: “BUT THE SIGN SAID $24.99!”

Me: “Sir, 20 is cheaper than 24.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s cheaper? Okay.”

Me: “…”

Little Car, Big Idiot

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I need wiper blades.”

Me: “For what kind of car?”

Customer: “Jeep.”

Me: “…What kind of jeep?”

(Blank stare.)

Me: “Is it a Cherokee, Wrangler, Patriot?”

Customer: “It’s one of the little ones.”

Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

(This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

(The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

(He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

(I point to the one I used.)

Customer: “THAT’S THE ONE I USED! ALL IT DID WAS SPRAY AND DUMP IT ALL OVER THE SIDE OF MY CUP!”

(At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

(I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

(At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

(He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

(Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

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