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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

H2-Slow, Part 9

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(One early morning I answer the calls.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you carried dehydrated water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, dehydrated water?”

Customer: “Yes, dehydrated water.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean distilled water?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “No, I definitely mean dehydrated water.”

Me: “Sir, to dehydrate something is to remove the moisture. If you remove moisture from water, you get air.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind!”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 8
H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science

(A sorority full of girls calls in with one girl as the primary contact, unable to connect to their wireless router. First, as I’m verifying the address:)

Customer: *…[digit], [digit], [digit], one slash two.”

Me: “So that’s [full number] and a half.”

Customer: “NO, one slash two.”

(Later on while troubleshooting:)

Me: “So how many devices are you trying to connect wirelessly?”

Customer: “Well, we have seven or eight devices total, but only two are ‘wirelessly.’ The rest use the wifi.”

Me: “…”

Related:

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15

She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”