Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Making A Signature Mistake

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(A customer is paying with a credit card.)

Me: “May I see some ID, please?”

Customer: “Oh, of course. Here you go.”

Me: “Thank you. You really should sign the back of your credit card, you know.”

Customer: “Oh, I know. I leave it blank, so if it gets stolen, nobody can copy my signature!”

Me: “What’s to stop them from simply signing your name with their handwriting, and using your card?”

Customer: “Well, then they… Uh… Hm. Can I borrow a pen?”

This Man Is An Island

| Cork, Ireland | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work in a call centre taking reservations for a large hotel chain. Some of the exchanges will stick with me a very long time.)

Me: “Good Afternoon. Thank you for calling [Hotel] central reservations. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “You sound weird; where are you located?”

(The caller is overflow from our American centre and has a strong southern US accent himself.)

Me: “We’re in Ireland, sir.”

Caller: “What island?”

Me: *trying to pronounce the ‘r’ as clearly as possible* “Ireland, it—”

Caller: “Yeah, I heard you. What island?”

Me: “No, the Republic of Ireland. It—”

Caller: “Look if y’all don’t know what island you’re on, why the h*** would I get a room from you?!”

Toying With Your Inventory

| San Antonio, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work as a cashier at a consignment shop for kid’s clothes. We have a rewards program where you earn points for every dollar you spend before tax and you can get discounts, like a free toy below $4.99 or up to 25% off your purchase. A lady comes up to me and sets all her stuff down for me to check out. She pulls out a receipt from two weeks ago.)

Customer: “That lady over there charged me for a free toy.”

Me: *looking at the receipt* “Well, actually, she simply scanned it to take it out of our inventory then discounted the price of the toy.”

Customer: “That’s not right; you shouldn’t do that. Then it’s not free.”

Me: “Actually, it is free, because you aren’t paying for the toy at all. We still need to scan it to get it out of our inventory, though.”

Customer: “That’s not good; you shouldn’t do that. It’s not free if you do that.”

Me: “It is free because you aren’t paying for it.”

Customer: “Ugh, you don’t understand. Just ring up my stuff and I’ll talk to the owners later.”

(Apparently, she would only be satisfied if we let her walk out of the store with one of our toys without us ever having to scan it.)

There Is No Code For Common Sense

| Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Company] tech support. What’s your problem?”

Caller: “I’ll just run you through the story. I got locked out of my apartment, but my friend is still inside. I tried calling him, but his phone is either off, on Do Not Disturb, or something. Anyway, I’ve tried remotely SSHing our desktop computer from my laptop and using the say command to get the computer to tell him to unlock the door. Unfortunately the volume is too low. I tried Googling how to increase it via the command line, but I found nothing. Is there a way to do that?”

Me: “I take it the doorbell doesn’t work?”

Caller: *click*

Not The Sharpest Pair Of Scissors

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Customer: “Where’s your skidders at?

Me: “I’m sorry, the what?”

Customer: “Skidders. Skid. Ers. Where they at? I can’t find ’em anywhere.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can tell you where just about anything in this store is, but I’m not sure I’m familiar with skidders. What are they used for? What do they look like?”

Customer: “Ugh. SKIDDERS! God, you’re dumb.”

Me: “No, I’m not. We just don’t carry skidders here. Sorry.”

Customer: *making a scissoring motion with his fingers* “Skidders! Where. Are. Your. Skidders. You cut paper with ’em. Jesus!”

Me: “Oh, you mean SCISSORS? They’re actually right here. Right in front of you. This whole eight-foot section is nothing but scissors.”

Customer: “Well, I call ’em skidders. God, you’re dumb.”

(How am I supposed to know what you want when you make up your own words for things and can’t see what’s right in front of you?)

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