Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Does Not Compute

| The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Technology

(An old couple walks up to me:)

Couple: “Hello, where can we find modems?”

Me: “Modems? We don’t sell those; you need to get one from an ISP.”

Couple: “Yes, you do. We bought one over ten years ago in a store like this.”

Me: “Well, yes, we may have sold them back then, but you can’t just buy modems these days.”

Couple: “Yes, you can. My neighbours just bought a new one here last week!”

Me: *thinking they’re looking for a new router* “What would you like to use it for?”

Couple: “For going on the Internet! What do you think we mean?”

Me: “Well, we have many routers here, like this one with 802.11ac and this one—”

Couple: “—How the h*** are those things so small? Where do you need to plug your keyboard in? Where does your screen go? How does that work, sonny boy? Tell me, HOW DOES THAT WORK?!”

Me: “Oh. I think you’re looking for a desktop. One of those big boxy COMPUTERS?”

Couple: “Yes, yes, that!”

(In the end, they bought a laptop – “All that stuff in such a small box? Wow!”)

Having A Brain Freeze

| AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are an ice cream shop but we have a selection of frozen yogurt and lactose-free ice cream as well.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between ice cream and frozen yogurt?”

Me: “Well, ice cream uses a heavy cream base while frozen yogurt uses a yogurt base.”

Customer: “So the frozen yogurt is actually yogurt?”

Should Just Dangle A Carat In His Face

| Manchester, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Customer: “What carat is your jewellery?”

Me: “All of our jewellery is sterling silver, sir. Silver isn’t classified in carats.”

Customer: “Yes, I know but what carat is it?”

Me: “Silver isn’t classified in carats, sir; that’s gold. Our silver is 925 Sterling Silver meaning it is 92.5% pure silver, 7.5% another metal such as copper. Pure silver is too soft for jewellery so 925 Sterling Silver is used.”

Customer: “Yes but what CARAT is it?”

(This went on for a good ten minutes before he left.)

Wrongly Accused

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me find something?”

Me: “Of course, what were you looking for?”

Customer: “I need that leather jacket in the window.”

Me: “Yes, we have them just over here. What size were you after?”

Customer: “No! Not that one! This is black! I need the other one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have one leather jacket in the window. What colour was the one you wanted?”

Customer: “I want the tan one! Honestly, how do you not know what is in your own window?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t actually have a tan leather jacket in store right now.”

Customer: “Oh, this is ridiculous. Come, look at your own damn window and pay a little attention for once!”

(The customer physically takes me by the wrist and leads me outside, past a baffled looking colleague working at the front door!)

Customer: “There! That’s the god-d*** jacket I want. Can you get it for me or find someone in the store who knows what they’re doing?!”

Me: “…Sir, this isn’t our window. This is [Store Next Door]’s window. They’ll be able to help you find the right size.”

Customer: “You should have told me I was in the wrong store in the first place!”

A-Salt-ed By Stupidity

GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I manage a large fast food chain that uses sea salt on their French fries. A customer orders her fries with no salt.)

Me: *handing her order to her* “Here’s your order. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “There’s no salt on these fries, right? I hope so. I’m allergic to salt!”

Me: *staring blankly* “Ma’am, do you want me to remake your burger then? We salt the patties. In fact, there is salt on everything that goes on your sandwich.”

Customer: “No. I’m only allergic to sea salt.”

Me: “You do realize that they’re both just sodium chloride, right? In fact, table salt has iodine added and is usually bleached, so if you had an allergy it would be more apt to be…”

Customer: *cutting me off* “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t have! You don’t know what you’re talking about!” *grabs ketchup packets and storms out*

Me: *I grab a ketchup pack and begin reading packet ingredients to a coworker* “…tomato paste… corn syrup… sea salt… Huh, would you look at that. They put sea salt in the ketchup.”

Coworker: “Yeah, do you know what the clinical term is for someone who is allergic to salt?”

Me: “What’s that?”

Coworker: “Dead.”

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