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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

You’re Bean Unreasonable

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work drive-thru in a Mexican restaurant.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I want a burrito; I’m a vegetarian.”

Me: “Well, we have a vegetarian burrito that would be perfect.”

Customer: “What’s in it?”

Me: “It has beans—”

Customer: “NO! I don’t eat beans. They’re cooked in animal juices. Don’t you know anything about vegetarians?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our beans are just made with spices and water; no animal juices.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, never mind. If you don’t want to co-operate I’m just gonna go to McDonald’s!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at a grocery store. I’ve just run up this customer’s items and she slides a card through the EFTPOS. I get a ‘do not honor’ error on my screen. For whatever reason, sometimes our machines give us this error if someone enters the wrong PIN.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you try that again, please?”

(She slides it through again and I see she’s selecting credit, not debit, so it can’t be the incorrect PIN. I get the error message again.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but it’s not going through. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Oh, sure!”

(She turns to her husband, who dutifully spreads out like a deck of cards at least 15 credit and debit cards. I stare, mouth agape, as she carefully chooses one and slides it through.)

Me: “Uh… well, that one worked.”

Customer: *laughs* “Of course it did! When you run out of money on one, you just move on to the next card in line!”

(Her husband nods and they gather up their groceries. The next customer comes up and shakes her head.)

Customer #2: “I feel sorry for the poor card rep who’ll have to explain to those idiots that money isn’t free when they’re $300,000 in debt.”

Me: “Amen, sister.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 40
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38

35 Cents Too Rich For That Wallet

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(I work at the student mail center on a university campus, and we constantly have 18-year-old freshmen come in who have never mailed a letter in their lives, and have no idea how it works.)

Customer: “Hi! So, I’ve never done this before, but I have to mail a thing.”

Me: “Okay. What is it you have to mail?”

Customer: “Just a thing. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, I have to see what you’re mailing. Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Go ahead and take it out for me.”

Customer: *takes a wallet out of her backpack* “Just this.” *puts it back in her backpack*

Me: “Okay, well I need you to take it back out so I can weigh it. Does this have to get anywhere fast?”

Customer: *has not taken the wallet back out yet* “I don’t know. How long does it take?”

Me: “Depends on where it’s going.”

Customer: “I’m sending it to my brother.”

Me: “Okay, where?”

Customer: “To my brother’s house, duh.”

Me: “Yes, but where is your brother’s house?”

Customer: “Oh, in [Town about an hour from here].”

Me: “Okay, then in that case, if you put it in this envelope, it’ll get there in about three days. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Sure, whatever.”

Me: “So just write your address here, and your brother’s address in the middle, and when you’re done, it’ll be about $3 all together.”

Customer: “…Why?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “My friend said it would only cost like thirty-five cents to mail something.”

Me: “Um, that’s not really how it works. It’s based on weight and—”

Customer: “But my friend said it would only be like thirty-five cents!”

Me: “Look, even if all you were mailing was a postcard, that would be thirty-seven cents. If you were mailing a single sheet of paper, it would be forty-nine cents. But you’re mailing a wallet. Even at the cheapest shipping, you’d be looking at about two and a half dollars for postage, and fifty cents for the envelope.”

Customer: *rolls her eyes* “Whatever. I have to ask my mom if I’m allowed to spend more than thirty-five cents on this.”

(Then she walked off and we never saw her again.)