Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

What The Beep Did You Think We Were Doing?

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I’m an audiologist in a hearing aid clinic. Testing the hearing of fully grown, competent adults is a large part of my job. I have this conversation at least once a week.)

Me: “Okay, so we’re going to do the hearing test now. I’m going to put these headphones on–” *holds up headphones* “–and I want to you press this button–” *hands client the button and mimes pressing it* “–when you hear a beep, okay?”

Client: “Okay, so press the button when I hear it?”

Me: “Yes, when you hear it.”

Client: “Okay.”

(I then sit down at my computer and present a beep through the headphones at a reasonable volume. No response. I go a bit louder, the client just sits there. I check my equipment and present again. Nothing. I try the other ear, nothing. Finally, I go back to the client.)

Me: “Were there any beeps there?”

Client: *with pride* “Oh, yes, I heard all of those!”

Me: “Ok… so, when you hear it… press the button.”

Client: “Oh! Have we started?”

Too Much TV Turns Us Into Idiots

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

Me: “Thank you for contacting [Cable Tech Support]; my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My cable box isn’t working and I’m sick of this crappy service! I’m almost ready to cancel!”

Me: “Oh, okay, I can definitely help you out with that, ma’am. So your cable box receiver is out? Let’s see what is going on.”

Customer: “There is just a blank screen and nothing is coming on at all. The cable box is on and all the lights are on but the TV is blank!”

Me: “Okay, is it on the correct channel for the cable?”

Customer: “How the h*** am I supposed to know that if it’s blank?!”

Me: “Even with the cable box down the TV should still function.”

Customer: “That’s the thing! The TV WON’T COME ON! I PRESS POWER ON THE TV AND NOTHING HAPPENS!”

Me: “Ma’am… you may need a new TV.”

Tip Of The Iceberg Of Her Stupidity

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I’m serving at the bar of a club when a woman orders a soda. I pour the drink and serve it to her.)

Woman: “I want the ice at the bottom of the glass, please.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I did put the ice in first.”

Woman: “No, I want it at the bottom of the glass otherwise it hurts my teeth when I drink. ”

(At this point, as the woman has said this with a straight face and appears quite calm. I think she’s joking.)

Me: *laughing* “I can give you a straw, but changing the laws of physics is a bit beyond me I’m afraid.”

(The woman goes a shade of red and starts yelling.)

Woman: “Who the f*** do you think you are to talk to me like that?! You’re boss will hear about this; it’s just unacceptable!”

(The woman stormed out and I was left shell-shocked at the bar. Funnily enough, she did complain about my rude and disrespectful service, and after two weeks of meetings with management she got banned.)

Taxing Faxing, Part 19

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I repair office machines. If a customer calls for service and they are not under contract, we charge a $90 fee, hourly and parts fees, and mileage if the distance is over 30 miles from the office. It’s to make them see what a great deal being under contract is. I get a call from a secretary that their fax machine wont print out faxes. We get this a lot so I ask her to make sure the paper roll is not in backwards (the old machines run off of a roll of paper instead of sheets). She assures me it isn’t. I tell her it will be over $200 for the me to even come look at it so I ask her to check again. She is adamant that the paper is in right and is insulted that I would even insinuate that she is too stupid to know whether or not the paper is in backwards. I tell her I would be down in the afternoon. When I get there the secretary shows me the machine. I step up, remove the paper roll, flip it around and put it back in, turn on the machine and it starts printing. The secretary just stands there with her mouth open. I write up the bill.)

Secretary: “Y… you aren’t really going to charge me all this?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I told you up front what we would charge and I even tried to help you over the phone.”

Secretary: *starts crying* “My boss will be furious when he finds out. I will lose my job over this!”

Me: “I will lose MY job if I don’t demand payment.”

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 18
Taxing Faxing, Part 17
Taxing Faxing, Part 16

A Deliveryman AND A Lobbyist

| Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(There are several nice dorm-style residences nearby that don’t allow delivery drivers to go directly to the rooms. We don’t mind, because not having our drivers go up and down 10 stories saves us a little bit of time on deliveries. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Shop]; what can I do for you today?”

Caller: “Yes, can you explain why someone just called me from a number I don’t recognize, and said that he’d wait for me in the lobby?! What do I do?”

Me: “Oh, no, maybe he got the wrong phone number. I’m sorry, it must be very creepy to have someone call you out of the blue and say they’ll meet you in the lobby when you didn’t even order pizza! Thanks for letting me know.”

Caller: “What? No, I ordered pizza!”

Me: “Oh, I misunderstood.”

Caller: “I guess so. What do I do? Why’s my pizza taking so long?”

Me: “The person who called you and said they’d meet you in the lobby… Did they say that they were calling from [Pizza Shop]?”

Caller: “Yes! It was so weird! I don’t know what to do!”

Me: “Well, I think that was our delivery driver. He uses his cell phone to call people, so it won’t show up as being this same number. I think you should probably go down to the lobby, since it sounds like he’s waiting for you with your pizza.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It’s so confusing.”

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