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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Insert Inert

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “With credit”

Me: *clicks button on screen* “Okie dokie, insert whenever you’re ready.”

(The customer holds up her card. Like most cards these days, it has a chip. She tries to swipe it and the machine times out.)

Me: “Your card is a chip so you will have to insert it. Let’s try it now.”

(Customer swipes again.)

Me: “You have to insert.”

(She turns her card over and tries to swipe again.)

Me: “No, see the chip at the end of your card?”

(She turns her card so that she swipes the chip.)

Me: “You have to insert it! See the slot at the bottom there? Put the end with the chip in there.”

(The customer stared at the slot. Confused, she gave her card to me and I correctly inserted it for her.)

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Can’t Break Free Of The ‘Get One Free’ Cycle

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “That’s wrong; the photo paper is buy one get one free.”

Me: “It is buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Then why is it coming up at $17?”

Me: “Because that’s how much the photo paper is. It’s $17 each but you got two for $17.”

Customer: “No, it’s $11.”

(I ask my coworker to check the sign for me.)

Customer: “And it’s supposed to be buy one get one free!”

Me: “It is buy one get one free.”

(My coworker calls me to say that the sign says FROM $11 so I explain that to the customer, but he doesn’t understand, so I take him to the aisle to show him.)

Me: “See, this sign advertising the buy one get one free, is saying that the prices START at $11. That doesn’t mean they are all $11. The paper you picked has its own sign here, see? It says it’s $17.”

Customer: “But it says $11 on this sign! They lie!”

Me: “No, it says FROM $11. That means that the photo paper on for Buy One Get One Free is $11 or more. The one you picked is $17.”

Customer: “And it isn’t buy one get one free?”

Me: Yes, it is. All the [Brand] photo paper packs are buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Well which one is $11?”

Me: “The 4×6. You have 8×10.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll just get one, then.”

Me: “Why would you only get one? It’s buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Because you said it wasn’t!”

Me: “No, I didn’t. I just said that it wasn’t $11.”

Customer: “NO! You told me that the paper I wanted wasn’t buy one get one free!”

Me: “I never once said that. I told you repeatedly that the paper you wanted was still buy one get one free.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 54

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at a popular retailer on a busy Saturday. An early-twenties man waits in line with a birthday card that says “DAD” on the top, and no envelope.)

Customer: “Do you sell the outsides for these?”

Me: “Yes, envelopes should be directly behind the cards.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I didn’t see them…”

Me: *taking pity on him, as the lines are long and he’s already waited once* “That’s okay. Why don’t you just get it now and go back to pick up an envelope after?”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He proceeds to act like he’d never seen a debit card terminal in his life. I coach him on how to slide his card, and then we get to the cash-back screen.)

Customer: “I thought it was $5?”

Me: “Yes? The total’s $4.34.”

Customer: “But the lowest option’s $10?”

Me: “Oh, um, that’s for cash-back. Do you want cash-back?”

Customer: “Yes. Which button should I push?”

Me: “That depends on how much cash you’d like back.”

Customer: “But which option should I choose? Does it make a difference?”

Me: “It controls how much cash you’ll get.”

Customer: “Will it be more than one transaction?”

(I’m very lost at this point. I decide to go back to the very, very beginning.)

Me: “Sir, cash-back means that you pay the store extra money on your card, and then we give you that extra money in cash. It’s like going to the bank.”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, I don’t want that.”

Me: “Okay, then just hit ‘no.’”

(After all that, he doesn’t remember his PIN and leaves without the card. And then, about half an hour later, he is back at my register.)

Customer: “Do you still have that card?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Okay, I’d like to pay with this.” *hands me his student ID*

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Run this. It has [University currency from University a few blocks away] on it.”

(This currency is something you, or your parents, can load onto your card to do things like pay for your on-campus laundry with a swipe of your ID.)

Me: “Sir, we don’t take [University] dollars here.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “We’re just a store. We’re not connected to your school. We take real dollars here.”

(He left, and he didn’t come back again.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 53
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 52
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 51