Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Not Speaking Full English

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

Guest: *on the phone* “Do you serve hot breakfast?”

Me: “Yes, we serve a full Scottish breakfast.”

Guest: “So you don’t have any hot food? Like a full English?”

Me: “A full Scottish breakfast is basically the same as a full English, but you get haggis as well. And it’s a buffet so you can choose not to have that if you don’t want it.”

Guest: “So I can’t get eggs or sausages? You know, like in a full English.”

Me: “I assure you, our buffet has hot food. It is a full English, plus haggis.”

Guest: “But I can’t get eggs, ’cause it’s Scottish?”

Me: “…”

Guest: “It’s just continental, with muffins and stuff.”

Me: “The buffet has any number of breakfast items, but if you want something not available, you can ask the chef, and it won’t be a problem. Though I assure you, the buffet has hot, full English breakfast items. Such as eggs.”

Guest: “Okay, I’ll just ask the chef to make me a full English, then. Thank you.”

The Final Word On Passwords, Part 3

| NS, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a major telecommunications company that operates in Atlantic Canada as a customer service rep. A customer calls in and has a password on the account for verification (Instead of using D.O.B.))

Me: *after going through introductions, name and account number* “Thank you and for security purposes, can you confirm the password on the account?”

Customer: “Is it this?”

Me: “That isn’t the correct password on file.”

Customer: “Is it password?”

Me: “Unfortunately that is still incorrect.”

Customer: “I forget it.”

Me: “Well, we can’t go over any information unless you verify the password.”

Customer: “But I have a million passwords.”

Me: “Unfortunately, since I can’t verify you, you must go to a retail store location with photo ID and we can change or remove the password.”

Customer: “WHY SHOULD I USE TIME OUT OF MY DAY TO FIX YOUR PROBLEM?!”

Me: “Well, you chose the password and also chose not to add a hint. Policy states if you can’t verify yourself on your account you must prove you are who you say you are in store with picture ID.”

Customer: “YOU GUYS ARE CROOKS HIDING MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION FROM ME! I’M GOING TO [COMPETITOR COMPANY]!” *click*

Coworker: “Umm… did she seriously say she would disconnect because she didn’t know her own password?”

Related:
The Final Word On Passwords, Part 2
The Final Word On Passwords

Hiding In Plain Sight

, | AR, USA | Extra Stupid

(I manage an authorized retail location for a major cellphone company.)

Me: *to customer coming in the store* “Hello! How can we help you today?”

Customer: “I need to start new cellphone service.”

Me: “Great! Let’s just go over to my desk so I can get some information from you to get started.”

Customer: “I am so glad to not have to deal with those jerks at [Company we sell service for].”

Me: “Um, you are dealing with one of said jerks right now…”

Customer: “You mean this isn’t [Competitor with a completely different log, color scheme, and name]?”

Me: “No, sir, sorry.”

Customer: “Well, HOW DARE YOU DISGUISE YOURSELF AS [Competitor]!” *storms out*

Me: *to coworker* “You would think the four-foot letters over the door, the sign right there on the wall, the logos everywhere, and my name badge would have been enough…”

Seat Location Scores A ‘D’

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I am a flight attendant and covering the rear doors on a large aircraft during boarding to help customers settle in. Seats are fairly simply set out using ABC-DEFG-HJK layout. A customer calls me from the far aisle.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s 38E?”

Me: “The seats are in alphabetical, so ‘E’ would be that one.”

(I point and smile, counting through the alphabet so he can see exactly which seats are which.)

Customer: *pointing to 38D* “so is it this one?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, no. It’s the one next to it. There’s also a diagram of the row on the overhead locker with the seats’ letters.”

(The customer nods and begins to sit in the wrong seat so I help him by patting the correct seat over the aisle, by the time I get back to my door at the rear of the aircraft two gentlemen are laughing between themselves.)

Gentleman #1: “I think your explanation was idiot proof…”

Gentleman #2: “But obviously people check their brains with their luggage!”

Me: “I’m so glad I’m not the only one that sometimes thinks that!”

(Those gents made my flight and I made sure they got some extra bits for making a painful flight bearable!)

The Day Has Taken An Upward Curve

, | Carson City, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(I work in the DMV phone room. A customer calls regarding a form she wants to fill out so she can get a duplicate copy of her registration certificate and decal. One of the lines on the form has blank spaces for the vehicle’s “Make”, “Model”, and “Body Type”, such as LS, LX, SE, Sport, etc. )

Customer: “I didn’t know what to put in the space for “Body Type.” I was tempted to write, ‘Curvy.'”

(I wish I had more customers like that!)