Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

User Confuser

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “[Company] help desk. This is [My Name.] How can I help you?”

User: “Nothing is working.”

(After a few moments of troubleshooting I determine that another technician was working on her computer, and the user can’t log in because she’s attempting to use her password with his name.)

Me: “Okay, so what you need to do is to click the ‘switch user’ button.”

User: “That’s what he told me to do earlier, but it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Can you describe to me what you see when you press that button?”

User: “There’s two squares on the screen, one says [Technician] and the other says ‘Log in as other user.’ ”

Me: “Okay… so, select ‘log in as other user.'”

User: “But I’m not ‘other user’! I’m ME!”

Needs A Sign To Listen To The Announcement To Read The Sign

| Red Deer, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid

(My aunt works at a large retailer. A customer comes through her till on a day when the debit/credit machines are down. They have large signs posted near the doors as well as on every till. There are also announcements every ten minutes that it is a cash only day because of the blackout earlier. This day, she is working in the express lane. After scanning all the customer’s items through:)

Aunt: “Okay, your total today is [total].”

(The customer holds up his card.)

Aunt: “Today our machines are down because of the blackout; you need to pay cash.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that!”

Aunt: “We have signs up near the door and also on every till as well as right here.”

(She taps the sign that is right beside her register’s screen.)

Customer: “Oh, well, I don’t read signs.”

Aunt: “We also have had an announcement about every ten minutes over the intercom about it. You must have heard it at least twice while you were waiting in line.”

Customer: “I don’t pay attention to those announcements!”

(He took cash out and left.)

Toys Aren’t Us

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Extra Stupid

(I work in a Toyworld store which is the Australian version of Toys R Us. People often come into the store thinking it’s Toys R Us but quickly realise their mistake.)

Me: *ringing up large order* “That will be [price].”

Customer: *places coupon on counter* “I have this coupon for 25% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this coupon is for Toys R Us; you can’t use it here.”

Customer: “Don’t give me that! I have this coupon and I want my discount.”

Me: “This isn’t Toys R Us…”

Customer: “Don’t tell me lies! I know what store this is! I can read!”

Me: “This coupon says Toys R Us. That sign up there, flashing, says Toyworld. My shirt says Toyworld. The register in front of you shows Toyworld. The massive sign above the door says Toyworld. Not to mention all our signs have a purple bear on them…”

Customer: “And what do you call that?” *shoves coupon towards me pointing at the Toys R Us mascot*

Me: “Sir, that’s a giraffe.”

(The customer still refused to believe me but paid full price anyway, vowing never to shop at Toys R Us again. Oh, well.)

Wants A Beer Deconstructed

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(Our restaurant is under heavy renovations and is closed. We have caution tape, ‘closed for construction’ and ‘pardon our dust’ signs all over, the dining room is in clear disarray and the bar is covered in plastic to protect it from dust, as well as tools and equipment strewn everywhere. Several of the staff and I are there helping with the remodel.)

Customer #1: “Are you guys open?”

Me: *holding a push broom and sweeping* “No, sir. We are closed for remodel but we hope to be open by [Date].”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay.”

(Customer #1 walks off. Two minutes later another person walks up.)

Customer #2: “Can I get a beer?”

Me: “No, sir. We are closed for renovations.”

Customer #2: “But, I just want a beer! Can’t you pour me one?”

(I point to the covered bar.)

Me: “Our tap lines are disconnected for renovations, so we cannot serve you a beer. Please come back after [Date] and we will happily serve you a beer.”

Customer #2: “But I want a beer now! How hard is it to serve a beer? You can do that from a cooler, right?”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, we simply do not have to capacity to serve you at this time. We will happily serve you after we have reassembled our dining room and bar. If you really want a beer, [Restaurant across the street] will happily take your business.”

Customer #2: “I have been coming here every week for five years! How dare you say that I can’t get a beer here!”

(He storms off down the street. Two minutes later another customer comes up.)

Customer #3: “Hey, what’s your special for today?” *jokingly*

(I am trying to not bust up in a giggle fit, and am barely keeping a calm face.)

Me: *deadpan* “Of course, ma’am. Our special is a sawdust sandwich with a shot of cold, dirty water.”

Customer #3: *giggling* “You have a lot of people ask if you are open, don’t you?”

Me: “Yup.”

(Customer #3 wanders off. By this time the sidewalk in front of our restaurant is starting to get busy with families and groups of kids for a lighting ceremony. My fellow employee is out front playing herder, trying keep the kids and adults away from the tape and the construction crew who is diligently working on installing windows.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you need to go around the tape. This is a construction site.”

Woman: *with two kids* “What? Why can’t we go this way?”

Coworker: “There is construction going on with power tools everywhere. We don’t want you or your kids to get hurt.”

Woman: “Oh…” *wanders off*

(These are just a few clips of what we dealt with for the entire renovation.)

Only Wants The Salt Of The Earth

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have organic baking soda?”

Me: “Well, all of our baking soda is in the baking ingredients aisle, so if we have the baking soda you’re looking for it would be over here.”

(I walk over with her to that section and scrutinize the shelf, which you’d think I’d know by heart by now, considering I face it every night. There is only single option for baking soda to minimize shelf space, which is labeled “pure baking soda.”)

Me: “Okay, it looks like all we have is this one. But it’s a good amount for the price.”

Customer: “Is it organic?”

Me: “It isn’t organic certified. But all baking soda is just sodium bicarbonate, or a sodium particle bonded with two carbon molecules, so it’s basically all the same.”

Customer: “So it isn’t organic?”

Me: “The term really isn’t applicable to baking soda. It’s a basic mineral, not an agricultural product; therefore it can’t be GMO or treated with pesticides. A mineral technically isn’t an organic material at all.”

Customer: “Well, I can get organic baking soda in [Other State].”

Me: “Sure, they might put that on the box and have it certified organic, but what you’re buying is fundamentally the same thing. It’s like how there are apple products that don’t say gluten free, even though there’s no such thing as an apple that contains gluten. Do you follow?”

Customer: *stares at me for a moment* “I guess I’ll just wait until I get home. I don’t want to buy anything that isn’t organic.”

(I resisted the urge to explain the difference between organisms and rock, then just smiled and walked away.)

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