Category: Canada

Canada is a great nation, but it gets visited by its fair share of idiots, and sometimes produces them as well! If you want to know how stupid customers overcome the metric system, or those funny Canadian coins, then read on!

Read Or Die

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Canada, Extra Stupid

(I’m at the cash register; a lady walks up and plunks six different paperbacks on the counter.)

Customer: “Which one is the best? I only want to buy one today.”

Me: “Well, that depends on your tastes. Is there a particular genre that you’re interested in?”

Customer: “No, I mean which one did you like the best?”

Me: “Well, I haven’t read these particular books, but I can tell you which one is most popular right now…”

Customer: “Of course you’ve read them all. You work here, right? You have to know what you’re selling!”

Me: “Ma’am, we sell thousands of different books; there’s just no way I can read them all.”

Customer: “You’re not doing your job! You have to know! Now tell me which book was the best!”

Me: *points randomly* “…that one.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Getting Into Double-Double Trouble

| Brampton, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Food & Drink, Top

(I witness a medium-sized customer, wearing a business suit, ordering coffee.)

Customer: “I thought I told you to make a double-double with milk, not this swill with cream!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll remake it for you.”

Customer: “D*** f****** right you will. Morons like you shouldn’t even have a job.”

Me: “Hey! The lady made a mistake and she’s remaking it for you. Calm the h*** down.”

Customer: “Screw you buddy. She didn’t make it right—”

Me: “That doesn’t give you the right to be a complete a**. Shut up and take your drink.”

Customer: “And just what are you going to do about it?”

(I fully stand up. I am a heavy-set, 6’2″ guy. I grab him by the tie and yank him to towards me. I speak very calmly.)

Me: “I just lost my job. I’m in a bad mood. I want my tea so I can read in peace and try to cheer myself up. If you want to really know what I can do, keep talking. I’ll fold you into a pretzel.”

(The customer turns deathly white. He reels around and runs out the door. I make my way up to the register.)

Me: “Steeped tea. Double-double with milk. Double cupped please.”

Cashier: “No problem.”

(A customer in line behind me speaks up.)

Customer #2: “I’ll have the same, and I’ll pay for both.”

Me: “You don’t need to do that, sir.”

Customer #2: “You defended that woman, even after dealing with some pretty horrible news. Don’t worry about it.”

Me: “Well… if you insist.”

(Customer #2 pays for my tea and sits down with me, asking about what I did for a living. Turns out, his store is looking for a new computer-tech, and he offers me the job right there. Lesson learned? Don’t underestimate the power of sticking up for people.)

Borderline Stupidity

| ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Canada, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am behind two boys in line. They pile a bunch of coolers on the counter, and try to pay with American money.)

Cashier: “Could I see some ID, please?”

(Boy #1 waves his hand like Obi-Wan.)

Boy #1: “Oh, you don’t need to see our IDs.”

Cashier: “Uh, actually, I do.”

Boy #2: “It’s okay; we’re both 21!”

Cashier: “Drinking age in Ontario is 19.”

Boy #2: “Oh. Well, we’re both 19, then.”

Cashier: “Do you even have identification?”

Boy #1: “Fine! Here!”

(He throws a card on the counter.)

Cashier: “The government doesn’t consider this valid ID.”

Boy #1: “OH COME ON!”

Cashier: “…and this American state driver’s licence says you’re 16.”

Boy #2: “F****** Canadians!”