Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Diarrhea Of A Wimpy Kid

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)

Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”

Me: “…What?”

Kid: “Diarrhea books!”

Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”

Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”

What A Bunch Of Oxy-Morons

| USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(A woman and her husband come up to the customer service counter.)

Woman: “Where is your non-fiction section?”

(Since ‘non-fiction’ ranges from cookbooks to field guides to history and beyond, I have no idea how to respond, so I stare at her for a moment before answering.)

Me: “Well, most of the store is non-fiction. What kind of book are you looking for?”

Woman: “It’s a non-fiction book about some people.”

Me: “Yes. What kind? Is it a biography or maybe true crime?”

Woman: “No, it’s just a non-fiction book about some people. My friend told me it was good. I’m in a book club.”

Husband: “Don’t you just have a non-fiction section?”

Woman: “It’s a non-fiction novel about some people!”

(‘Non-fiction novel’ is an oxymoron. I have to explain what nonfiction is, and she continues to insist that she just needs me to point her to the non-fiction section. She doesn’t have a title, author, or even a general description beyond it being about some people. She is convinced that if I take her to the ‘non-fiction section,’ she’ll find it. Finally, I try to politely end the conversation, because this is pointless.)

Me: “Well, I’m really not sure where to point you, since we’re already standing in a non-fiction section. Do you have any idea what or who the book is about?”

Husband: *looking confused and defeated* “It’s just a non-fiction book… it’s about people.”

Woman: “Maybe I should go get more information from my friend.”

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Customer’ Part Of Customer Service

| UK | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

Me: “Hello, [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, so I purchased a print of [artwork] from your website and the quality isn’t very good because of the size. I want to return it.”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re not happy with your print. As you may have noticed when you made your purchase, although we offer prints on our website they are all custom orders made and shipped by [Different Company]. We simply supply the copyright for the image. You will need to contact the returns department for [Different Company].”

Caller: “Yeah, I know they’re made by [Different Company]. I’ve called them just about every day this week to make the return. The woman in the call centre said she’s waiting to hear back from the head of the department, and they still haven’t gotten back to me yet!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear about that, sir. Hopefully they will get back to you soon. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Um, yeah! This return! I want to return it; it’s no good.”

Me: “Sir, as we just discussed, [Bookstore] does not make the prints; [Different Company] does. They will process your return.”

Caller: “But it’s on your website!”

Me: “Yes, but we contract [Different Company] to fulfill the custom orders. We at [Bookstore] cannot refund something that we do not make, stock, or ship.”

Caller: *nearly screaming* “But [Different Company]’s customer service is terrible! What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have no control over the customer service of another company.”

Caller: *now yelling* “You should care about how other companies treat your customers! YOU promoted [Different Company]. YOU should make them have better customer service! Now I want my return!”

Me: *finally fed up* “Sir, I don’t know how else I can explain this. [Bookstore] does not make the prints. [Different Company] does. They shipped your order to you, not us, and you must return it back to them. We have over 1200 products in our store from hundreds of different companies, and if you purchased any of them IN OUR STORE, and not a customer order from a third party, you could return them here. But you cannot return something that we have never had!”

Caller: “You should still care more about how other companies treat your customers!” *hangs up*