Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

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A Killer Pickup Line

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I am a 24-year-old female. I am cleaning some shelves when a customer comes up. It is important that the customer is female.)

Customer: “You’re pretty. You look like someone in my book.”

(I was about to thank her when I saw it was a book on serial killers. She walked out without a word.)

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Et Tu Mother?

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Books & Reading

(While working at a bookstore, a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Do you have an English translation of the novel Julius Caesar? My daughter needs it for her class.”

(I perform a search in our system.)

Me: “Hmm, I’m not finding it. The problem is I’m getting about a million versions of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.”

Customer: “That’s the one. She said it was by William Shakespeare. I need an English translation.”

Me: “Well, Shakespeare wrote in English, so every version we have is in English. We do have some adapted with modernized dialogue. Could that be what she meant?”

Customer: “I don’t know. She just said she needed an English translation of the novel Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare.”

Me: “Well… it’s a play, not a novel…”

Customer: “I- I have to call my daughter.”

(She calls her daughter. It turns out she needed a very specific edition for her class.)

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Returner Burner, Part 3

| Austin, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading

(I work for the largest national book store in the US. I get this phone call.)

Customer: “Hi. I ordered a book off y’all’s website and was wondering if I could return it to the store?”

Me: “I’d be happy to check that out for you, ma’am. What was the name of the book?”

(She tells me and I look it up. The information tells me it is non-returnable, but I tell her I’ll check with a manager to be sure. Manager confirms my concern.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is non-returnable though the stores. If you wish to return it, you will have to ship it back. There should be a return label in the box and I’d be happy to walk you through it.”

Customer: “See, this is why I usually order from [the largest distributer of online goods and my employer’s biggest rival], you little b****.”

Me: *taken aback* “Whoa! But ma’am, if you bought it from [previously mentioned company] and wanted you to return it, you’d have to ship it back, too.”

(She hung up on me.)

Related:
Returner Burner, Part 2
Returner Burner