Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

A Real Drinking Problem

| High Point, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(A customer is about to get on the elevator and go upstairs with a soda.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but soda is not allowed upstairs. We have an area right under the stairs that you can sit and drink it or you will need to take it outside.”

Customer: “But I just bought it! You mean I can’t take it upstairs even if I’m not going to open it?”

Me: “No, ma’am. They just don’t allow it.”

Customer: “You mean I have to drink it? Well, I never would have bought it if I had known I was going to have to drink it!”

Twilight Vs Holy Light

| Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Religion, Top

(A young woman, about 20 years old, comes up to the counter holding a copy of The Bible.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything you needed today?”

Customer: “Yeah, hey, can you tell me what this is about?”

Me: “The Bible?”

Customer: “Yeah, what’s it about?”

Me: “The Bible has two parts, the Old Testament which is scriptures and the New Testament, which contains the story of Jesus’ life and works as told through the gospels, written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.”

Customer: “Huh. Is it any good?”

Me: “It’s pretty popular.”

Customer: “Nah, I’ll just get this one instead.” *puts a copy of Twilight on the counter*

Military In-Action

| USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(I work in the library at one of the Military Academies. As such, 90% of our students are military members, all in uniform. A student walks in immediately following me as I unlock the doors.)

Me: “We don’t open until 7:30.”

Student: “But I need to print something out.”

Me: “The printers aren’t on yet, and have no paper in them. Come back at 7:30.”

Student: “Not even for your country!?”

Me: “No…”

Being The President Sucks

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Books & Reading, History, Politics

Customer: “Do you have a copy of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Me: “I’m not sure, let me check.” *I check our bestsellers section* “No sir, not at this time.”

Customer: “But did you look back in the history section?”

Me: “For Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “No, I did not.”

Limping Through College

| Flint, MI, USA | Books & Reading, School, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

Customer: “Cool.”

Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “English, Math, Physics, Biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

Customer: “Bro, you’re a life saver.”

Me: “I was kidding.”

Customer: “So, that’s not my book then?”

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