Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Ask A Silly Question…

| MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I am in charge of our text service at the library where I work. We had a patron for a time who delighted in pranking us with odd or silly questions. We generally handle such instances in a very professional manner, but one evening when the patron texted in, I decided it was time to fight back.)

Patron: “How do I get to the library?”

Me: “The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice.”

Patron: “Is there any way I can practice watching the live NFL draft in the library?”

Me: “Nope. So sorry. Try [Local Bar].”

Patron: “But I have a final test tomorrow.”

Me: “Then [Local Bar] probably isn’t a great idea.”

Patron: “Thank you for your generous advice.”

Me: “Always thrilled to be of service.”

Patron: “I accidentally whispered on the quiet floor of the library. What are the repercussions?”

Me: “Death. There is no alternative. But on the bright side, your folks will probably get a hefty life insurance payout.”

Patron: “Unfortunately no one has yet insured my life. However if you are interested I can arrange for payments.”

Me: “Oh, that’s very sad. Maybe they don’t love you. You deserve parents who will put a price on your life.”

Patron: “Touché, library person!”

Me: *bows; exeunt stage left*

Only Has Egg On Her Face

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The husband of a couple has come to collect a menu about an hour before they would like to eat because his wife has difficulty making decisions. Our menu for cooked items is very limited and has only a full English breakfast, a vegetarian English cooked breakfast, smoked haddock, smoked salmon, and kippers available. The couple come in for breakfast, having studied the menu.)

Wife: “Do you do eggs benedict?”

Closing Time Is Not In Their Books

| Denver, CO, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling the Student Center. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *sighs* “When the h*** does the bookstore close?”

Me: “Let”s see… The bookstore closes at 5:00 pm, sir.”

Customer: “Then why the h*** didn’t they pick up their phone?! I’ve called four times!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is now 5:47, so the bookstore has been closed for nearly 50 minutes. Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** aren’t they open until 6:30?! This is bull-s***!”

Me: “Well, sir, I believe the bookstore has shortened store hours. They will resume normal hours in September. I apologize if this has caused any inconvenience.”

Customer: *breathing heavily and getting worked up* “Well, transfer me to the manager. Jesus Christ!”

Me: “Upon looking online, sir, I see that the manager does not have a direct line. I am sorry, you will have to call the bookstore during normal business hours.”

Customer: “WELL, THE WEBSITE IS WRONG!” *hangs up*