Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Getting Crazier Organ(ically)

| Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

Me: “[Bookstore]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello, do you have any books about dogs?”

Me: “Yes, we have an extensive section all about pets.”

Caller: “Dog spleens?”

Me: “Um, we have a smaller section of veterinarian books, but—”

Caller: “COOKING dog spleens?”

Me: “Uh…”

(The caller finally broke into laughter in his own voice, revealing himself to be my boyfriend in one of his weird moods.)

Extension Number Two

| AB, Canada | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I don’t think this actually was a prank call, but I wish it was. I answer the phone at the library and it’s a regular customer with a history for over sharing with staff…)

Me: “Hi, this is [Library]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes, I need more time with my library books.”

Me: *bringing up her account* “Okay, well, it looks like you’ve already had a couple of extensions…”

Customer: “You don’t understand! I can’t leave the house! I have explosive diarrhea! I can’t leave the toilet! I’m on the cordless!”

(I, noticing that every single book she has checked out are for weird diet fads like the ‘strawberry diet,’ figured her story seemed to check out, and extended her materials before I had to talk to her on the toilet anymore.)

Prank Calls Of Urban Legend

| WI, USA | Books & Reading, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I’ve taken a lot of weird calls over the years and have looked up a lot of strange books and have always maintained a level of professionalism, but this almost broke me.)

Customer: *older male voice, with a slightly southern accent* “I’m a disabled veteran and need help getting some books.”

Me: “Okay, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “Well, I really like… uh… stuff with ‘urban’ women in them.”

Me: “Ooooookaaay. Um, we’ve got an urban fiction section.”

Customer: “Oh, good. See, I’m a disabled veteran, and I can’t move around that well, so would you pick some out for me?”

Me: *getting progressively more uncomfortable* “Well, I…”

Customer: “I like the urban books because I like black women. I like the way they smell.”

Me: “…uh.”

Customer: *breaks into laughter* “Sorry, [My Name], I’m just f***in’ with you. That was great though, you were serious the whole time!”

Me: “I hate you.”