Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

The Girl Who Played With Hellfire

| Stockholm, Sweden | Books & Reading, Religion, Rude & Risque

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m a tourist in Stockholm looking for a book for my boyfriend at the time, who is learning Swedish. I don’t speak a word of it. I see a bookstore and just wander in.)

Me: “Hi there. I’m looking for a Swedish book that has something to do with crime. Could you help me with that?”

Clerk: *looks at me dumbfounded* “Uhm. What was that?”

Me: “You know. Something thrilling and exciting ?”

Clerk: “You do realise this is a Catholic book store and we only carry books on religion, right?”

A Confusion Intrusion

| Australia | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(The store I work for is famous for finding music and DVDs for customers who aren’t always certain what it is they’re looking for. As a result, we often end up special ordering for many customers, and the policy is to call to inform the customer when their order has arrived in store. If no one answers, staff are encouraged to leave a message, but sometimes customers call back anyway to let us know they’re coming in or just to ask questions. Sometimes, though, they just call because we did first…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Music Store]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “…Who is this?”

Me: “[My Name] from [Music Store]. Did you have an enquiry?”

(There’s a long pause in which the customer doesn’t say anything.)

Me: “Hello? Are you still there?”

Customer: “Why did you… What do you mean?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Why would I have an enquiry?”

Me: “I only meant… What was your reason for calling today?”

Customer: “I didn’t call you.”

(It dawns on me where the confusion must be coming from.)

Me: “You… did you have a missed call from this number, by chance? My coworker might have been calling about an order you placed.”

Customer: “What order?”

Me: “Have you placed an order with us recently? If you give me your name I can check the order for you.”

Customer: *gives surname*

Me: “Ah, yes, here it is. Your order for [Title] came in this morning. We were just calling to let you know.”

Customer: “You can do that?!”

Me: “All the time, sure. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “…Don’t call here again.” *click*

Fifty Shades Of Dark Knight

| Markham, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

(A woman comes into the store.)

Customer: “I need the latest Harlequin book!”

Me: “Of course. Do you know the title or author?”

Customer: “No. But it’s the latest one!”

(In the spirit of providing good customer service, I quickly retrieve the latest Harlequin releases to show the woman. Upon seeing the books, the customer gives me a very unexpected response:)

Customer: “NO! NO! This is wrong! I want the one with Batman!”

(Fortunately, the Batman reference tells me what the customer is ACTUALLY looking for.)

Me: “Ah. You want the latest HARLEY QUINN comic book.”

Customer: “That’s what I said! Harlequin!”

(The wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable determines whether you get a comic book, or an erotic novel.)