Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Be Glad It Wasn’t Slartibartfast

| San Antonio, Texas, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

(My call center doesn’t rely on any script; we just have things we’re required to share with our customers. It gives us the opportunity to be playful and fun in certain situations, or we can be serious and sympathetic in others. The following takes place at the end of the call:)

Me: “Your reference code will be easy to remember if you’re into Douglas Adams. Zerbop.”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: Zerbop. Zulu, echo, bravo

Customer: “No, I got that. The other part.”

Me: “It sounds like a character Douglas Adams would write about.” *I think to myself that I had horribly misjudged the situation*

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “Was that all I could do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes. So long, and thanks for all the fish.” *click*

Deathly Out Of Touch

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(A woman walks up to my counter.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for the Necronomicon.” *a book that supposedly teaches you how to summon spirits*

Me: “I think we have a copy over here.”

(I take her over to the section, find the book, and pull it out for her.)

Me: “Here it is!”

Customer: *looks suspiciously at the book* “Do you have any other copies? You touched that one!”

Me: “Um, yes, there is another copy on the shelf.”

Customer: “Good! And that one hasn’t been touched by human hands?”

Me: “…I’m pretty sure it has been touched, but it’s still shrink wrapped.”

Customer: “No, that won’t do. Are you sure you don’t have another copy that hasn’t been touched?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m pretty sure all of our books have been touched by human hands.”

Customer: “Darn. Well, call me if you get an untouched copy.” *leaves without giving me a phone number*

It’s Not The Book That’s Bad For Society

| NE, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(As I’m processing a return, the customer leans forward and begins talking quietly to me.)

Customer: “So, are there books that your store won’t sell?”

Me: *confused* “Well, if the book is rare or very old we sometimes can’t stock them.”

Customer: “No, like, are there books you won’t sell because the government thinks they’re bad for society?”

Me: “Um, I don’t think so…”

Customer: “Do you have a list of the books that you won’t sell? Because the government doesn’t want you to?”

Me: “…No.”

Not Always Right: The Comic – The Land Of The Free To Be Who You Are

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Books & Reading, Comics, Comics Single, Not Always Right: The Comic
Not Always Right: The Comic – The Land Of The Free To Be Who You Are

The Land Of The Free To Be Who You Are

| NY, USA | Bigotry, Books & Reading, Family & Kids

(Because of the recent ruling of same-sex marriage in America, for our book display, we put up a rainbow flag along with books featuring gay protagonists. This happens on the day we have story time.)

Woman: *angrily* “Excuse me!”

Coworker: “Yes, can I help you?

Woman: *points to our display* “I can’t believe you put something like this up! There are CHILDREN around!”

(Our display shows no pornographic material. My coworker, who is bi-sexual, is stunned into silence and is unable to say anything. This is when I step in.)

Me: “Oh, my gosh, ma’am, you’re right! How can I be so inconsiderate?”

Woman: *smiles smugly*

Me: *I grab one of the books on display and swap it out with a children’s book featuring gay parents* “There! Now there’s something for everyone!”

(The woman didn’t understand for a few seconds. When she realized what the book was about, she sneered and muttered about going to a different library. She left and my coworker was laughing so hard, tears were streaming down her face.)

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