Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

Ordering Books Not By The Book(store)

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Popular

(I work as customer service for an online bookstore that also has a physical store.)

Caller: “Hi, what’s your website? I want to buy books.”

Me: “I’ll spell it for you. It’s [Site].”

Caller: “Could you repeat that? I need to write it down so I can take it to [Cell Phone Provider] and ask them to order for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I must’ve heard wrongly. I thought you said [Cell Phone Provider].”

Caller: “That’s what I said!”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think they provide those services.”

Caller: “Oh, I know. But I’m a paying customer and an old lady. I’ll just make a fuss until they help me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can help you order over the phone right now. I also see by your area code that you live near the store. You can come in to our store instead for help.”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t want to bother you. It’s okay; they’ll help me. What was the site?”

Me: “Well, it’s [Site], but you aren’t bothering me. This is actually my job, so I can help you.”

Caller: “Nonsense, you sound like a busy girl. Thanks!” *hangs up*

Diarrhea Of A Wimpy Kid

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(We get quite a few kids at our library, which we encourage as it promotes literacy. Unfortunately, that does mean we get some unusual requests for books, and it doesn’t help that sometimes younger kids don’t pronounce things very well. Case in point…)

Kid: “Do you have any diarrhea books?”

Me: “…What?”

Kid: “Diarrhea books!”

Kid’s Mom: “He means Diary of a Wimpy Kid books.”

Me: “Oh, phew, good. The only ‘diarrhea’ book I know of is Everybody Poops. But Diary of a Wimpy Kid books are this way…”

What A Bunch Of Oxy-Morons

| USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(A woman and her husband come up to the customer service counter.)

Woman: “Where is your non-fiction section?”

(Since ‘non-fiction’ ranges from cookbooks to field guides to history and beyond, I have no idea how to respond, so I stare at her for a moment before answering.)

Me: “Well, most of the store is non-fiction. What kind of book are you looking for?”

Woman: “It’s a non-fiction book about some people.”

Me: “Yes. What kind? Is it a biography or maybe true crime?”

Woman: “No, it’s just a non-fiction book about some people. My friend told me it was good. I’m in a book club.”

Husband: “Don’t you just have a non-fiction section?”

Woman: “It’s a non-fiction novel about some people!”

(‘Non-fiction novel’ is an oxymoron. I have to explain what nonfiction is, and she continues to insist that she just needs me to point her to the non-fiction section. She doesn’t have a title, author, or even a general description beyond it being about some people. She is convinced that if I take her to the ‘non-fiction section,’ she’ll find it. Finally, I try to politely end the conversation, because this is pointless.)

Me: “Well, I’m really not sure where to point you, since we’re already standing in a non-fiction section. Do you have any idea what or who the book is about?”

Husband: *looking confused and defeated* “It’s just a non-fiction book… it’s about people.”

Woman: “Maybe I should go get more information from my friend.”