Category: Books & Reading

Caused by stupid customers who know how to read (and often those who don’t!), feel for the poor librarians or book store clerks who are often tasked with finding a book solely by the color of its cover.

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Don’t Leave Santraginus V Without It

| USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule

(I am a trainer for an internal helpdesk. We have several new employees, and one of them is currently sitting with me while I show her how to handle our calls. She is older, and has commented several times that I say the weirdest things.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “Well, you’re doing really well so far, so let’s see. The meaning of life?”

Me: “Well, as far as I understand, the answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42.”

Caller: “You would be surprised how many people don’t know that.”

Me: “Those people probably also don’t know where their towel is, and that’s a shame.”

Caller: *cracks up laughing*

Trainee: “…”

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Objectionable And Uninterruptable

| Manhattan, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(An irate customer has found a book she objects to and is complaining to the cashier. Another customer in a suit and tie is quietly browsing books in the back.)

Irate Customer: “Hey. Hey. Hey, you. Why do you stock this filth?”

Cashier: “I, uh…”

Irate Customer: “No. Listen to me. Get rid of this. It’s wrong. Okay? It’s wrong.”

Cashier: “We just have what people want to–”

Irate Customer: “NO. It’s your job to be a gatekeeper. You protect your customers. Take this off your shelves.”

Cashier: “I don’t choose what to stock. I–”

Irate Customer: “Fine. Manager. Where’s the manager?”

Cashier: “Wait, he’s—”

(The irate customer has already sighted the suited customer and zeroed in on him.)

Irate Customer: “Hey. Hey, you. You can’t have this in your bookstore.”

Suited Customer: “I don’t–”

Irate Customer: “Yes. Yes, you do. It’s right here.”

Suited Customer: “But I’m–”

Irate Customer: “You’ve also got [list of other objectionable books]. You have a duty.”

Suited Customer: “But I–”

Irate Customer: “Don’t give me that free speech garbage. You have a duty. A moral duty. Above the law.”

(As the angry customer keeps ranting, the suited customer wordlessly takes something out of his pocket and shows her. She lets out an ‘Oh!’ and hurries out of the store.)

Cashier: “What was that?”

Suited Customer: “FBI badge. Just in time for ‘above the law,’ too.”

Cashier: “Uh, she didn’t pay for her copy of [Objectionable Book].”

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Playing The Race Book

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Popular

Customer: “I’m looking for a book. I can’t remember the title or author, but it’s by an Asian woman.”

Me: “Do you have any more information? Unfortunately our books aren’t organized by the author’s race.”

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Your Business Model Is Rent Out Of Shape

| SD, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Money, Movies & TV

(I work at a public library at the circulation desk. One day a young man approaches the desk.)

Patron: “How much is it to rent a book?”

Me: “If you have a library card, it is free. If you live outside the county, you pay for the card but borrowing items is always free.”

(The patron then wandered over to the audio books before returning to the desk.)

Patron: “How much to rent books on CD?”

Me: “They are free to borrow, sir.”

(He shakes his head and goes to the DVD section. Again he returns to the desk.)

Patron: “How many DVDs can I take and what does it cost?”

Me: “You may borrow five at a time and there is no cost unless they are returned late.”

(The patron looks confused.)

Patron: “I just don’t get why you do this if there’s no money in it for you. Well, good luck with that!”

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Trumps You In The Stupid Department

| USA | Books & Reading, Politics, Popular

(It is early 2016 and an election year, so my bookstore has created a prominent political section near the entrance. There are a large selection of books about Obama at eye-level. A customer comes up to me, looking angry.)

Customer: “You need to take these books down!”

Me: “Which books would that be, sir?”

Customer: “All those books about that Barack HUSSEIN Osama!” *yes, he really did emphasize the ‘Hussein’ middle name and use ‘Osama’ instead of Obama*

Me: “Well, they form part of the political section of our store. Since he is currently our president we have a wide range of books commenting on him and his politics, both for and against.”

Customer: “Well, he ain’t my president!”

Me: “Well, unless you’re not an American citizen, I am afraid he is.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t vote for him, so he ain’t!”

Me: “Neither did I, sir, but I still acknowledge him as my president.”

Customer: “You didn’t vote for him either? And you still let them put up books about him!”

Me: “Sir, we aren’t going to be taking the books down just because you don’t like him.”

Customer: “But he’s the reason behind everything that’s wrong with this country!”

(At this point I have had enough of the rhetoric I hear so much that I decide to take a risk and call him out on it.)

Me: “Really, sir? So what are those reasons?”

Customer: “He… uh… Obamacare!”

Me: “You mean universal healthcare for the poorest of our citizens? I agree, it really is awful.”

Customer: “And the economy!”

Me: “I agree, the economy really is in a bad state. It started with the Bush administration and has been gradually getting better. The whole world really was caught up in some economic turmoil back there, but I doubt it was all because of Obama.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, Trump will fix it all.”

Me: “How so?”

Customer: “He’s gonna make America great again!”

Me: “Yes, but how so?”

Customer: “By kicking out everyone that hates America!”

Me: “Like Obama?”

Customer: “Yeah! Trump 2016!”

Me: “So you want me to deny American citizens commentary, both positive and negative, on Obama by refusing to sell books on him?”

Customer: “Yeah! Trump 2016!”

Me: “And at the same time agree with your double-standards on Freedom Of Speech by supporting Trump, a man who famously likes to spew out insults and hate but can’t handle when they are thrown back at him?

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “No, sir, we will not be removing the books. You are of course, totally free to disagree with me and state your opinion.”

Customer: “Trump 2016!”

Me: “Will you be making any other purchases today, sir?”

Customer: “H*** no! I never read books! Trump 2016!”

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