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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(An elderly woman has asked me to grab a large bag of dog food off the floor for her. As I am walking over to retrieve it, this conversation happens.)

Elderly Woman: “Oh, no, dear, I didn’t mean you grab it. Just get one of the nice young men to grab it for me.”

Me: “It’s no problem at all, ma’am! I assure you I lift these bags all the time!”

Elderly Woman: “Oh. you shouldn’t do that! What about the baby?!”

Me: “Oh! Oh, no, I am sorry for the confusion. I’m not pregnant, ma’am.”

Elderly Woman: “But someday you could be! You don’t want to risk it!”

Me: “I assure you, if I am ever pregnant, I won’t lift anything. For the mean time I am perfectly capable of lifting the bag for you. I promise.”

(I lifted the bag and brought it to the register, rang her out, and then carried it to her car. As I was walking away I heard her shouting ‘you make sure you take care of that baby!’ Now, whenever I go to lift anything, my coworkers tell me to make sure ‘not to hurt the baby!’)

Related:
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 7
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5

Acting Bright At The End Of The World

| Norway | Bizarre

(It’s a few weeks before Christmas and I am helping a customer carry a very heavy floor lamp out to her car. It’s been raining most of December, instead of snowing, which is unusual in Norway.)

Customer: *in a sing-song voice* “Oh, I just love the rain!”

Me: *smiling* “Yeah? I kind of prefer snow this time of year myself.”

Customer:  *looking both happy and serious* “Oh no, snow messes up the view! The world is going under, it’s ending, and it is important that the view is clear so everyone can see it go down!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Here’s my car. Thanks for the help! Bye!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(I was left wondering why she needed the lamp when the world was ending anyway. Maybe to see it happen more clearly?)

If You Put Your Mind To It

| Switzerland | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I work part time in a store that sells sweets and little toys. A man in his mid-twenties walks in.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy this. How much would that be?” *points at an item*

Me: “That would be [Price].”

Customer: “So. I’m thinking about [Price] right now. I take it out of my mental savings account and mentally transfer it to you. How about that?”

Me: *puzzled* “Uhm…”

Customer: “Did you get it?”

Me: “Uhm… No, I didn’t get it. I work with real money here.”

Customer: “But I want to buy it with my mental money! Can’t I buy it like this? I’m imagining it really, really hard right now! I WANT THIS!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t help you with that.”

Customer: “Well, at least I tried.”

That Old Adage About Old Age

| Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My department for the local county council takes service requests from residents of the area for all sorts of things:)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning. This is [Local Council].”

Caller: *shouting* “I’M OLD!”

Me: “Okay, sir, it happens to all of us eventually. Now, how can I help?”

Caller: “I’M OLD, YOU SEE! I’M DISABLED! I HAVE ARTHRITIS AND SCIATICA AND BUNIONS.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you have those things, sir. Now, please tell me how I can help you this morning.”

Customer: “YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO ME. I’M OLD AND YOU NEED TO GET THIS SORTED.”

Me: “I listened to everything you’ve said, sir. You’re elderly and you suffer from arthritis and sciatica and bunions. Now, these things understandably cause you pain and would have meant you needed help with something. If you can remember what that ‘something’ was and recall why you might have phoned me up, I can try and help you.”

Customer: “I NEED YOU TO… Oh. I can’t remember. If you remember can you call me?” *click*

Me: *to thin air* “Uh… not without your phone number, I can’t.”

When Larry Met Crazy

| Mt. Vernon, IL, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I am working in the afternoon as a board operator at a local country music station. At the top of every hour they play a five-minute feed from CNN news.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Station Name]. How may i help you today?”

Caller: “I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO LARRY KING!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. We are a—”

Caller: “I KNOW D***-WELL WHAT YOU ARE! LET ME SPEAK TO LARRY KING!”

Me: “I understand, but Larry King doesn’t work here. We only air CNN news, which comes in via an automated service.”

Caller: “YEAH! CNN! THAT’S YOU GUYS! CNN! LARRY KING IS ON CNN! LET ME TALK TO LARRY NOW!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I cannot do that. He is not here in our studio. We are not CNN.”

Caller: “YOUR MANAGER, NOW! YOU’RE FIRED!”

Me: “Okay, please hold.”

(I transfer him to my manager. 10 minutes later…)

Manager: “I just dealt with the most angry man who thinks Larry King works here.”

Me: “I tried to explain to him that we only play CNN news on the top of the hour and that we are not CNN news.”

Manager: “Yeah, I told him the same.”

Me: “So how did you get rid of him?”

Manager: “I told him that Larry King traces all his calls before taking them and he hung up really quickly after that.”

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