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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Internet Killed The Radio Store

| Leicester, England, UK | Bizarre, Technology

(I’m working on the till when a customer approaches me for an enquiry:)

Customer: “I’m looking for [Environmental Report] that was published at the beginning of the week. Can you check if you stock it?”

Me: “Of course I can. That sort of thing will probably be with the political or academic books but I’ll just look on the system to see if we’ve got it in.”

(Customer has the exact title but it isn’t showing up on our system. This sometimes happens as the system is quite old and requires correct syntax. I look it up on the Internet and find that it’s available to download for free as a pdf.)

Me: “I’ve managed to find a record of it online, but neither our system nor Amazon is recognising the title which suggests it’s not been published as a book. Were you aware you could read it for free from the organisation’s website? Or download a pdf of it?”

Customer: “Well, I want a print copy. I don’t have the Internet and I don’t like reading off screens.”

Me: “That’s fair enough but, unfortunately, it’s not something that we will ever be able to supply. I’d suggest going to your local library if you don’t have Internet access at home. You can view it just by typing the title you gave me into Google; a free online copy is the first link that comes up.”

Customer: “But I don’t like reading on screens.”

Me: “The only alternative I can think of is for you to access it at the library and print it out, but it’s 40 pages long so it might cost a bit.”

Customer: “Fine. There’s another one I want that was spoken about on Radio 4.”

Me: “That’s fine, book reviews on the radio are easy to find. Do you know the title?”

Customer: “No it was on [Show] on Radio 4.”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Can you remember on what day?”

Customer: “No, just that it was [Author] and it was in the last fortnight.”

(The author’s name doesn’t bring up any results and I can’t find anything similar in amongst the reviews on that show so far in a very long list.)

Customer: “You must have listened to [Show]. It’s one of the best things on the radio.”

Me: “Sorry, madam, I only listen to the radio in the car and my family has always listened to Radio 1 in the mornings.”

(The customer is very shocked by this and keeps lecturing me on why I should be listening to her show. Radio 1 is all current music, while as Radio 4 is aimed at older middle aged listeners. After having no success, and getting distracted by the customer’s rant, I decide to search the BBC’s website as a last resort and tell the customer as such.)

Customer: “No, don’t bother. I’ll look it up on the Internet at home.”

(The customer then left the store without so much as a thank you, leaving a queue of other customers speechless.)

Has One Of Those Genderal Voices

| Wales, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the departmental switchboard, so I field calls. If someone’s on their phone or even logged out, the calls reroute to me/ Normally people are fine with me taking messages.)

Me: “Bore da. Good morning.  [Local Government].”

Customer: “Hello! Is that [Male Colleague]?”

Me: “Nope, [Colleague] is off sick at the moment. If you tell me your query I can direct you to somebody else who may be able to help.”

Customer: “Oh, it IS you [Male Colleague]!”

Me: “Ma’am. I am not [Male Colleague], I am [Female Name] and you’re through to switchboard. What’s your query?”

Customer: “How did your op go, [Male Colleague]? I didn’t realise it was THAT kind of op!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am NOT [Male Colleague]. If you tell me what your call is regarding, perhaps I can help you.”

Customer: *ignoring me* “Cruciate ligament, you said. Well, now we know better. I think [Female Name] is a great choice! Good for you!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Male Colleague] is still on sick. He did not have gender reassignment surgery. I am a different person. And I would like, very much, to help you with your query.”

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll see you at [Local Pub] on Friday. We can have a chat ‘off the record’ and I’ll bring you my favourite lipstick.” *click*

(All my switchboard colleagues, who’ve only heard my half of the conversation, are staring at me.)

Me: “Yeah, I have no idea either.”

Must Be Super Baked

| USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(Our bakery is designed so that customers can see me working. There are large signs proclaiming BAKERY right above the employee door. One day I am bent over doing some intricate detail work on a trim. I am clearly wearing our uniform and appropriate apron.)

Customer: “Do you work in the bakery?”

(I don’t immediately respond, thinking they were addressing my coworker who is right there out on the sales floor.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Do you work in the bakery?”

Me: *look up with a slightly incredulous look on my face* “Yes. What can I help you with?”

(The customer asks a question which I cheerfully answer and they leave. I immediately start laughing. My coworker gives me an inquisitive look.)

Me: “I don’t know why I keep getting that question. Next time I’m going to panic and say ‘OH, GAWD, I’M SLEEP-DECORATING AGAIN! How did I get here?!'”

(We laughed and shook our heads and continued working in our bakery, which we then dubbed ‘The Fakery.’)

Seven, Eight, Nein!

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I work part time at my dad’s plumbing company, which bears our last name, doing basic office work, and learning about running a business. I’m filling out a work order for an older customer’s rental home. We live in an area with a lot of German heritage.)

Me: “And can I have your address?”

Customer: “It’s seventy-seven [Street Name].”

(I write the address down and, per usual, cross my sevens.)

Customer: “Look at your sevens. That’s a very German way of writing.”

Me: “Well, you know, as you can tell from my very German last name, we’ve got a lot of German blood.”

Customer: *leaning in and glaring* “That’s how they found the Nazis you know. They made them write stuff down and look at their sevens.”

(The customer is now quite close to my face and glaring at me.)

Me: “You don’t say…” *slowly backing up behind the service counter* “Well, I think I got everything here…”

Customer: *suddenly very chipper* “That’s great! Hope to see you soon!”

Dad: *apparently overhearing everything* “Did that guy just call us Nazis?!”

Needs To Re-edit Their Workload

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I have a regular customer who comes in and asks me to help him type up real estate documents, as he is an elderly real estate agent who lacks a secretary, and his typing skills are nil. Usually, his work takes quite a while and he is always willing to let me help other customers with basic orders in between working on his documents.)

Me: “All right, sir. Here’s a printed copy of the documents we just edited. If you would just review those and let me know if we need to change anything? I’m going to step aside so [Coworker] can help her customer really quick, then I’ll finish your order.”

Customer: *mumbles assent and takes stack of papers*

(I wait off to one side while my customer reads his paperwork. When he’s finished, my coworker is just about to wrap up with HER customer, when my customer speaks up.)

Customer: “HEY! When did I get pushed to the side?! We’re working on my order!”

Me: “Err… [Coworker] was just finishing up some quick prints for her customer, but we can get back to working on yours, I suppose!”

(I sit, bring up the rest of the customer’s documents and ask him for his notes. My coworker apologizes to her customer and the two of them wait off to one side.)

Me: *pulling up the next set of notes* “So, what did we need to do with this set?”

Customer: “Why don’t you help that girl!? If she’s just going to print a few things, you might as well get them out of the way, because my stuff’s going to take longer! Besides, you young people are always so impatient and I don’t want you hovering over me while I work!”

(My coworker and I exchanged glances, and then traded places once again so she could finish helping her customer as was originally planned.)

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