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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Providing Unique Lip Service

| Longmont, CO, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work at a large store that sells nothing but beauty items for women.)

Customer: “I have a very weird question for you.”

Me: “Yay! Those are my favorite kind of questions!”

Customer: “I need very small, very sharp scissors.”

Me: “Well, that’s not weird at all. Let me show you where our cuticle and nail scissors are; that’s exactly what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “I haven’t told you what I need them for. I need to cut the lips off my fish.”

(I stop dead in my tracks, thinking I couldn’t possibly have heard her correctly. I give her a puzzled look.)

Customer: “That’s right. I need tiny scissors to cut the lips off my fish.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I have an Angel fish with a large pucker, and she’s my pride and joy. She developed a cancerous growth on her lips. The vet wants an outrageous amount of money to remove it. He said if I wanted, and was brave enough, I could cut off her lips myself.”

(I try to keep my composure, relay my sympathy, and show her the selection of tiny scissors. She makes her decision, and I take her to the register.)

Me: “I wish you luck with your fish!”

Customer: “Thank you, I need it. By the way, do you happen to know a close-by liquor store? I don’t usually drink, but I may need a glass of wine before my adventure!”

(Luckily there was a liquor store nearby. I thanked her for asking the weirdest question I have ever heard in my many years in retail. She laughed and said no one was going to believe me. I hope her fish is okay!)

I Can Put On My Own Pants And Everything

| Buffalo, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Underaged

(A customer comes in to buy a pack of cigarettes. He looks under-age.)

Me: “Can I see some ID please?”

Customer: “I don’t have to show ID. C’mon, I’m wearing snowpants!”

(Ironically enough there was a young boy about four-years-old standing in line behind him wearing… snowpants.)

Needs A Taste Of Common Sense

| WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A table orders a bottle of wine, so I go over to open it in front of them, let them taste it, and pour it for them. It’s standard procedure when you order a whole bottle.)

Me: *after opening the bottle* “So, who would like to taste it?”

Woman: *snaps* “Well, you already opened it so I guess we’ll just have it.”

Me: *pours their glasses and leaves while wondering how she expected to taste it without me opening the bottle*

Scratch-Off Your Name On The Pool

| CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I’ve recently been promoted from cashier to the customer service desk, where all lottery tickets and tobacco products are sold. The coworker training me has just stepped away when a middle-aged woman comes up to the counter and is staring at the scratch-off tickets.)

Customer: “Give me twenty $5 scratchers, please. I don’t care which kind, just give me a variety.”

(She opens up a thick envelope full of cash and gives me a $100 bill. I tear off two each of the ten different games we sell and give them to her, wishing her luck. She takes a quarter out of her purse, moves to the end of the counter, and starts scratching off all her tickets, throwing the losers away and setting aside a winner. She holds it out to me silently and I scan it through the machine.)

Me: “Wow, you won $50!”

Customer: “Okay, give me ten more $5 tickets.”

(I’m surprised but I do as she asks. She scratches off all of those, too, wins $20, and uses it for more tickets. This continues twice more until she has no more winners and no more tickets. She slams down the stack of losers, yells ‘d*** it!’ and walks away with nothing. My coworker is returning from break just as she’s leaving.)

Coworker: “Was that the scratcher lady? Awesome, your first encounter!”

(My coworker reaches under the counter and grabs a little notepad and pencil.)

Coworker: “How much cash did she give you?”

Me: “Well, she won a few times but she gave me $100 that first time. What’s her deal?”

Coworker: *excitedly writing in the pad* “Until a few months ago, she didn’t come in here much. But then, one day, she won $10,000 from a scratch-off ticket!”

Me: “Wow, that’s pretty cool. So I guess she’s trying for more, huh?”

Coworker: “Yeah, you could say that. She does this a few times a week and every time she goes through all the winners until she’s lost it all. We’ve been keeping a running tally and had a pool going over when she quits. I bet on 2,000 but got eliminated a long time ago. Let’s see…” *looking at the notepad* “Of the $10,000 she won, she’s now spent $9,200 of it on more tickets!”

(By the time she stopped showing up months later, everyone in the pool had been eliminated, because no one came close to guessing that she’d spend over $13,000 on scratch-off tickets without bringing home a single winner.)

Pumped For Revenge

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Transportation

(A customer comes to the cash desk:)

Customer: “Pump six.”

Me: “That will be £20.01 please.”

Customer: “Twenty pounds … and a penny! Hah! You win this time pump, but I shall have my revenge.”

(He pays and then walks towards the door, cackling maniacally and waving his fist in the air. As he leaves he shouts:)

Customer: “REVENGE SHALL BE MINE, PUMP SIX. WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT!”

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