Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Your Request Will Not Bear Fruit

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at local pizza place. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “What kind of pizzas do you have?”

Me: “Well, let’s see! I have pepperoni, cheese, [Specialty], which has sausage, mushrooms…”

Caller: “No, no, what kind of toppings do you have?”

Me: “Oh! I have pretty much anything you’d expect! For meats, I’ve got pepperoni, sausage, bacon, ham, chicken…”

Caller: “I don’t like vegetables.”

Me: “Okay, I have several pizzas with meats only…”

Caller: “Well, I don’t like meat.”

Me: “Do you want a cheese pizza?”

Caller: “Oh, no, I don’t like cheese.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Can I make a suggestion?”

Me: “Sure!”

Caller: “You guys need to have a dragonfruit pizza.”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah. So, can you make sure your manager knows?”

Me: “Um… okay, sure. I’ll tell somebody.”

Caller: “Okay, well, I’m going to call back tomorrow to make sure you have a dragonfruit pizza.”

Me: “Well, I won’t be able to tell the owner by tomorrow. I’m sorry…”

Caller: “Oh, what’s your owner’s name?”

Me: “[Name].”

Caller: “Oh, okay, he’s the owner of [Pizza Place]?”

Me: “Yes, he is.”

Caller: “Is he the owner of ALL the [Pizza Place]s?”

Me: “Uh, no…”

Caller: “Oh, okay, well, can you tell him right now that you need to make dragonfruit pizza?”

Me: “He’s not here right now. Would you like to speak to the manager on duty?”

Caller: “Oh, no. I’ll call back in a month to make sure you have dragonfruit pizza. Okay? So make sure you make dragonfruit pizza by then.”

Me: “Um, okay, I’ll let somebody know for you.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks. I love you. Bye.” *click*

(What just happened?)

Their Ballooning Criminal Ambitions

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(My brother opened a tasting room just off a main street in our town. Since he’s the owner, occasionally my parents and I will help out and are doing so when this happens. Note that we have an A frame sign on the sidewalk with a balloon to catch customer’s eyes.)

Mom: “Is he really doing that?”

Me: *I come out of the office* “Doing what?”

Mom: “Someone stole our balloon.”

Me: “Really?”

Mom: “Yeah, he was stealing it for his girlfriend. I saw them running away, and she was holding it.”

Dad: “Let them go. It’s better to have them keep the stupid balloon rather than come back the next day with a brick through your window.”

(We would have given them the balloon if they just asked, but who would be so desperate to steal a balloon?)

You Can’t Teach An Up-Dog New Tricks

| Smokey Mountains, TN, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I work in a toll booth at an amusement park collecting money for parking. My coworker sharing the booth with me has a customer and the transaction proceeds as normal until the end. I catch onto what the customer is doing and am snickering throughout the conversation.)

Customer: “Can I take a bag of up-dog into the park?”

Coworker: “Hotdogs?”

Customer: “No, up-dog.”

Coworker: “What’s that?”

Customer: “What’s what?”

Coworker: “Up-dog?”

Customer: “Yeah, up-dog.”

Coworker: “What is that?”

Customer: “It’s up-dog. ”

Coworker: “Yeah but what is it?”

Customer: “What’s what?”

Coworker: “Up-dog.”

(This repeats a few times.)

Coworker: “Huh?”

Customer: “You’re suppose to ask me what it is.”

Coworker: “Okay… What is it?”

Customer: You’re supposed to say ‘What’s up-dog.’”

(At this point I started laughing and my coworker awkwardly laughed. Defeated, the customer drove off. I then explained to her what it was he was trying to do. We shared a laugh over the poor guy’s failed attempt at ‘up-dog.’)

Napkin To The Future

| USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I am ringing up a customer and they are handing me their cash, when a college girl walks up next to them to grab a napkin from the empty napkin holder near the register.)

College Girl: *leans over to napkin holder* “Napkin.”

Me: *blank stare at girl*

College Girl: *as she’s leaned over speaking into the empty napkin container* “Napkin.”

(The customer, handing me their cash, blankly stares at the college girl.)

Me: *grabs another napkin container and gives her a napkin*

College Girl: “Oh, I thought it was voice recognition.”

Not A Glass-Act

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s around 11 pm when a middle-aged man and his mother come in and ask if we do take out. He has two beers while they wait. I come to the table with the takeout order.)

Customer: “Can I have this?” *holding up the 20 oz pilsner glass he was drinking from*

Me: “Uh… no, I don’t think so. Let me see if—”

Customer’s Mother: “Stop it. We have glasses at home.”

Customer: “But I want this one.”

(I’m about to walk away when the customer threw the glass, still with about an inch of beer in it, into his takeout bag. He then grabbed his mom and booked it out the door.)

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