Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Think Before You Speak About What You’re Thinking

| PA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I work at a store in a mall, and I’m commonly stationed right at the store’s entrance so that I can greet customers, give samples, and tell them about ongoing sales. A male customer walks in.)

Me: “Hello, sir, would you like to try a sample of our [new flavor]?”

Customer: *seemingly saying his thoughts aloud while looking right at me* “She’s pretty…”

Me: “…Please let me know if you need assistance.”

Customer: “I wonder if she has a boyfriend…”

Me: *smiles uncomfortably*

Customer: “Maybe I should ask her…”

(I edge toward the back room of the store, pretending I need to straighten some merchandise.)

Don’t Run Away With Scissors

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I am a receptionist in a retail office. We sell a variety of scissors, but have to order most of them. A regular — rather annoying — customer has us order one pair of each type of scissors for her, so she can touch them and decide which pair she wants. They all arrive and she is looking at them.)

Customer: “Well, this is the pair that I wanted! They’re perfect!” *holds up a single pair of scissors, out of several different kinds*

Me: “Awesome!” *beginning to clear away the other products, implying she did not want them*

Customer: *starts smacking the tops of my hands repeatedly* “No! No! No! No! No!”

Me: *I immediately drop the scissors and stare at her in shock* “Um…”

Customer: “OBVIOUSLY, I wanted to look at the rest of them!” *proceeds to examine all the other scissors, then only buy the original pair she liked*

Parental Control Versus Gun Control

| USA | Bizarre

(I work in the corporate office for one of the largest firearms manufacturers in the US. I overhear this from one of our service technicians, and to this day I really wish I had heard the customer’s end of this call:)

Tech: “Sir, you need to put your mother on the phone, please.”

Tech: “I know you’re frustrated, but this gun is registered to your mother, and we can’t work on it unless we talk to her.”

Tech: “Are you even old enough to own a firearm, sir?”

(Pause.)

Tech: “Please stop crying, sir…”

I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

| SA, Australia | Bizarre

(I work in a shoe repair shop, not far from our watch repair shop.)

Customer: “Excuse, are you the same as him?”

Me: “I don’t understand the question. Are you asking if I am him?”

Customer: “Yes. Are you him?”

Me: “You’re asking me if I am that person over there?”

Customer: “Yes, are you him?”

Me: “No, I am not him. I am me.”

(The customer walked away looking sad.)

Don’t Go Against Or He’ll Be Very (St. Georges) Cross

| Denmark | Bizarre, Geography, Politics

(A customer walks into to the shop where I work. He is talking to himself and starts laughing randomly. This conversation happens after he has paid for his purchase.)

Customer: “By the way can you tell me which flag this is?” *shows me his coin purse*

Me: “That is the English flag.”

Customer: “The English flag looks like this?”

Me: “Yes, that’s the English flag; it’s different from the British flag.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. And are the English with us or against us?”

Me: “I think they’re with us; they were the last time I checked.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks so much. Bye!”

Me: *to my coworker* “I wonder what he would have done if I had said they were against us?”