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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Gunning For A Date

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I am female and have a love for outdoor activities. It is a few days away from Mother’s Day. I am walking a couple to their table and am chatting with them.)

Me: “So, do you have any fun plans for the weekend?”

Husband: “Yeah, I will be taking my wife fishing for her Mother’s Day present.”

Me: *excitedly* “Oh, really? That’s so cool!”

(The wife starts shaking her head.)

Husband: “Oh, I was just kidding. She doesn’t fish.”

Me: “Oh, well. you never know. For example, there may be women like me. If I had a significant other want to take me hunting for Mother’s Day, I would totally want to go. I figured that was the case.”

Husband: “You know, I have a son who is single and he LOVES to go hunting and shooting.”

Wife: “No, he doesn’t. What are you talking about?”

Husband: “No, he loves hunting.”

Wife: “He doesn’t even like guns!”

Husband: “Well, he will!”

Me: “…”

Trying To Go Dutch On The Danish

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a popular coffee chain that also sells baked treats. A very polite, very elderly man purchases a cheese Danish, leaving only one in the tray. The next customer, a young woman, buys the last cheese Danish. She gives me cash, and while I am counting it out, the old man comes up to the counter again. He points at the cheese Danish that the young woman is holding.)

Old Man: “Excuse me, young lady, that’s mine.”

Young Woman: “Oh…”

(She glances at me uncertainly, and I look around. I spot the old man’s cheese Danish on a table nearby.)

Me: “Sir, yours is right there.” *points*

(The old man turns and looks, and looks genuinely surprised to see the cheese Danish.)

Old Man: “Oh, my…”

Young Woman: “Dessert buddies!”

(She high fives him and hurries out of the shop, blushing.)

A Passport For Bad Behavior

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(I am working over the Christmas holidays in a very fancy shop, so much so that it is a pretty famous tourist destination. An American woman in her sixties comes in wearing a long black fur coat, fur hat, and various gold rings – the epitome of glamour. She starts looking at our most expensive leather wallets.)

Me: “Hi, are you looking for anything in particular?”

Customer: “I need a wallet for my husband.”

Me: “Any particular kind?”

Customer: “It has to be large enough to fit a passport. He has to carry it everywhere now because he can’t use his driving license as identification any more. The cops took it away when they found him doing 150 miles per hour on the highway.”

(She shakes her head, as if to say ‘what is he like?’, and wanders off.)

Deathly Out Of Touch

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(A woman walks up to my counter.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for the Necronomicon.” *a book that supposedly teaches you how to summon spirits*

Me: “I think we have a copy over here.”

(I take her over to the section, find the book, and pull it out for her.)

Me: “Here it is!”

Customer: *looks suspiciously at the book* “Do you have any other copies? You touched that one!”

Me: “Um, yes, there is another copy on the shelf.”

Customer: “Good! And that one hasn’t been touched by human hands?”

Me: “…I’m pretty sure it has been touched, but it’s still shrink wrapped.”

Customer: “No, that won’t do. Are you sure you don’t have another copy that hasn’t been touched?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m pretty sure all of our books have been touched by human hands.”

Customer: “Darn. Well, call me if you get an untouched copy.” *leaves without giving me a phone number*

Running Afoul Of The Customer

| USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant. The day before, I tripped and fell while jogging. As a result, all the skin on my knuckles, my palms, my elbows, and my right cheek is gone. I’m heavily bandaged for aesthetic and sanitary reasons. I’ve been fielding questions all day about them. A guy drives up to pay for his order.)

Customer: “Wow, what happened to you?”

Me: “I had a jogging accident.”

Customer: “A jogging accident?”

Me: “Yeah, I tripped over my own two feet and landed hard.”

Customer: “That sucks. You need a better cover story.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Tell people you fell off the back of a motorcycle. That’s so much cooler!”

Me: “…”

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