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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Closing Before It Gets Too Hairy

Kansas City, MO, USA | Bizarre, Time

Me: *answering phone* “Hello, this is [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “DO YOU HAVE MOUSTACHES?”

Me: “If you mean fake moustaches for costumes, yes.”

Customer: “Great. What time do you close?”

Me: “In about 10 minutes.”

Customer: “Can you stay open? I really need those moustaches and I’m on [Road that is 30 minutes away].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I have to close at nine.”

(Even if I wanted to stay open longer, I wouldn’t be able to as corporate sets the hours of operation and if I stay late I could be fired.)

Customer: “Please? What if you buy them for me and leave them outside the door? I’ll tape the money to the door.”

Me: “I don’t believe in lending money to strangers.”

Customer: “C’mon, don’t be a b****. I need these moustaches.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m ending this conversation.”

(I hung up the phone and started closing the store. Around the time I left the customer showed up to scream at me through the locked door. I guess those moustaches were really important!)

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Throw In Some Goat Cheese While You’re At It

, | Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I work the night shift at a fast food restaurant making the orders. It is about 2 a.m. and my coworker is taking an order in the drive-thru at the speaker box and I’m listening in.)

Customer: *incoherent rambling with the word “goat” in there somewhere*

Coworker: “Sorry, I can’t understand you; can I take your order at the window?”

Coworker: *to me after taking their order* “They want to know if you can make a salad for their goat.”

Me: *laughing* “I guess I can do that. This is the first time I’ve made an order for a goat.”

(They had a goat in the back seat of their car and gave it the salad. On my way home from work in the morning, I found the goat tied to a power pole. As it turned out, it wasn’t their goat. Luckily, I found its owner and it got home safely.)

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I’m Suda-Fed Up

| MT, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(A customer comes up to me with two packages of a popular over-the-counter drug brand; one is for treating cold symptoms and one is a sleep aid only.)

Customer: “I’m not sure which one to get.”

Me: *pointing to the orange box* “Well, this one treats symptoms of a minor cold, like stuffy nose and chest congestion, and this one—” *pointing to the blue box* “—is a sleep aid.”

Customer: “Which one should I get?”

Me: “Do you have a cold or do you need help falling asleep?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Can you put them behind your back and mix them up, then I’ll just pick a hand and go with it.”

Me: “It might just be better to choose the one that fits your symptoms.”

Customer: *pushing the boxes at me* “No, this will be fine. Just mix them up behind your back, and I’ll pick one.”

Me: “Um, okay.” *dutifully puts the boxes behind my back and switches hands*

(The customer picks the hand that was holding the sleep aid.)

Customer: “Great! This is perfect. THANKS!”

Me: “You’re welcome?”

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Forbidden Fruit

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but food isn’t allowed up here. You’ll have to eat it outside.”

Patron: *proceeds to dump a pint container’s-worth of fruit salad in his mouth, all at once*

Me: “…or that”.

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Very Butt-Hurt

| The Netherlands | Bizarre, Popular

(I am a female physical therapist and have four other colleagues. Three of them are on vacation and I’m going on a vacation on Friday (it’s Monday). We’ve had a lot of new patients calling in for appointments and since we are low on staff, we’re fully booked until at least the end of the week. Today I’m on my own and the phone has been ringing quite a few times, which I let go to voicemail if I’m treating a patient.)

Voicemail: “Hi, it’s [Patient]; I have been calling but no one is answering. I want to make an appointment.”

(I call him back:)

Me: “Good morning, I’m [My Name] from [Practice]. I’m calling because you left a voicemail this morning.”

Patient: “Yeah, hi, I called but no one answered the phone. You see, this morning I sprained a muscle in my a** and it hurts a lot so I need an appointment around 18:00.”

Me: “I’m sorry for not answering the phone but I’m currently alone and I was unable to get to the phone. And I’m unable to get you an appointment today. It’s very busy now and we are completely booked until the end of the week.”

Patient: “Oh, yeah. Well, my butt is hurting pretty badly so I was hoping you could massage it today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I really don’t have any time to help you today. The first place I have available is Monday.”

Patient: “No, that won’t do. Then I’ll call [Other Therapist] in [Other City]. Do you know him? He’s from there and he’s also pretty good.”

Me: “No, I’ve never heard of him, but I understand your decision and wish you feel better soon.”

Patient: “Ah, yeah, thanks.” *hangs up*

(The next day I get in late and have a lot to do. When I’m treating a patient, the phone keeps ringing. After a while I’m able to check the voicemail.)

Voicemail: *it’s patient from the previous day* “Hi, it’s me; can you call me back? No one is picking up the phone.”

(I call him back:)

Me: “Good morning, it’s [My Name] from [Practice]. I’m calling because you left a voicemail this morning.”

Patient: “Hi! I told you yesterday that I would be going to [Other Therapist]. Well, he treated me very well with a gel and a massage and it worked. He said that my butt had an agitated muscle. I still feel it a little bit but that’s fine. But I wondered if you have some time to treat me today?”

Me: “But didn’t you just tell me that you feel a lot better?”

Patient: “Yes, it really does but I was just thinking that maybe you could treat me as well.”

Me: “I’m sorry but like I told you yesterday, I really don’t have any time this week. We’re completely booked.”

Patient: “Ah, well, I don’t really need it anyway. I’m in Amsterdam right now; have you ever been at [Place]?”

Me: “Eh… no, I haven’t.”

Patient: “You should really go there. I think you would really like it!”

Me: “So, is there anything I can help you with otherwise?”

Patient: “No, not really. I’ll call in if I want to have treatment again.”

Me: “Ok, sir, we’ll hear from you again. Have a good day.”

Patient: “Yeah, you too. And don’t forget to check out [Place]!”

Me: *hanging up confused*

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