Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

What A Sweet Old Bag

, | UK | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(During the night shift at the restaurant I work at, a customer pulls up.)

Customer: “I’ll get a cheeseburger, a small [Soda], and some chips, please.”

Me: “Okay, will that be all for today?”

Customer: *deadpan* “Well, could you dip the bag in chocolate? Can you do that?”

(I laugh, because the customer made a direct quote from comedian Tim Hawkins who has a joke about how people never eat healthily at fast food places.)

Me: “I see that you watch Tim Hawkins!”

(There is an awkward silence on the other end of the phone.)

Customer: “Uh… who’s Tim Hawkins?”

Me: “Never mind.”

Customer: “But can you dip the bag in chocolate?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t.”

(To this day I have no idea whether it was an actual, insane request, or if somebody with a sense of humor decided to mess with my mind.)

Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 25

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Popular, Technology

(I work front desk at a hotel.)

Me: “Front desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I was just wondering if you could maybe turn down the wifi?”

Me: “I’m sorry… Could you repeat your question?”

Guest: “Yeah, could you please turn the wifi down?”

Me: “I’m sorry; you want me to turn the wifi down? Are you having trouble connecting to the Internet?”

Guest: “No, I want it off!”

Me: “Well, I can’t turn it off; otherwise the other guests won’t have any Internet either.”

Guest: “Well, could you at least turn it down a bit, then?”

Me: “If you don’t want any Internet you can simply disconnect any devices you have from the wifi, but I can’t turn it down.”

Guest: *grunts and gives a deep sigh* “Okay, obviously you have no idea what wifi is.”

(The guest hangs up and a few hours later he comes up to the front desk and wants to check out a day early.)

Me: “Was there something wrong with the room that I could help you with?”

Guest: “Yeah, I want to get out of here because your d*** wifi is so strong! Maybe you should turn it down a bit so people can get some rest!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I really don’t understand what you mean.”

Guest: “I’m leaving because I have a headache! If you had just turned down the f***ing wifi like I asked my head wouldn’t hurt so much!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

(The guest left in a rage and when I told my manager what had happened he laughed and agreed that he had no idea what was wrong with that guy.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 23
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 22

The Mother Of All Fakes

| Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Liars & Scammers

(I have just finished making a sandwich for a woman when she starts speaking to me as I ring her up.)

Customer: “I’m sorry. Sometimes the spirits just won’t let me keep my mouth shut.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I’m a psychic you see, and I have a message from beyond.”

Me: *not convinced* “Oh, really?” *prompts her to pay*

Customer: “Yes, it’s a message from your mother’s mother.”

(She then looks up at me and grins, I guess I was supposed to be excited. I prompt the machine again which she finally takes.)

Me: “Oh really? Which one?”

Customer: *her head snaps up, frowning* “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother was adopted, so she had two mothers, and both passed years ago.”

Customer: *flounders for a moment before speaking* “The biological one, the one you were closest with, her.”

Me: “Well, that’s funny. I didn’t know her well.”

(The customer finally finishes paying and I hand her her food. She frowns again, then grins.)

Customer: “The one you were closest with. She wants me to tell you she is always watching over you and will be your spirit guide.”

(She tries handing me her “business” card, which I just shove in my apron.)

Me: “That’s funny, as my mother and I also consider ourselves psychic. My mother’s adopted mother isn’t connected to the earth anymore. My mother’s biological mother, however, is connected to her and leaves her gifts and things. Have a nice day. Bye!”

(She stormed out, angry I just outed her. My coworkers and I had fun at her expense, and I looked her up from her business card. She has gotten in trouble for scamming people. I may believe in psychics, but most of them don’t butt into people’s lives, especially at work. You learn to keep your mouth shut; it can ruin a person to hear things like that.)

Zodiac Whack

| Rockville, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work in a market that tends to draw some crazies. This particular incident actually happened to a coworker who was bagging groceries)

Customer: “Can you please provide me with a different bagger? I get the feeling that you’re a Gemini and I just can’t have that type of energy around me right now.”

Vegan La Revolution!

| MA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’ve worked at several museums relating to the Revolutionary War, so I’m used to people coming in wanting me to affirm their various political agendas about firearms. This threw me for a loop though, as I was cornered in a completely unrelated exhibit about nature and philosophy.)

Patron: “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Of course.”

Patron: “What exactly is transcendentalism?”

(This is a pretty common question, and I do my best to explain it for him.)

Patron: “Oh, okay… So, like, are YOU a transcendentalist?”

Me: *laughs* “Well, to be honest, a lot of their talk goes over my head. But I guess I’m a bit of a tree-hugger like Henry Thoreau.”

Patron: “Tree-hugger? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Me: *a bit taken aback* “Oh, you know, just that I’m inspired by nature. Not that I chain myself to trees or anything.”

Patron: “Oh good, I thought that meant you were a vegan or something. I’m a hunter.”

Me: “I’m not vegan; that’s fine.”

Patron: “But I make sure to use every part of the animal.”

Me: “That’s good. I respect responsible hunters.”

Patron: “And the gun is good for self defense, of course.”

Me: “Okay.”

Patron: “Because the Revolution is going to happen again, you know.”

Me: “Sorry… I need to go help those people over there now.”

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