Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

You’re Our Number Two Customer

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Popular

(My manager is in the bathroom pooping when a customer gets the sudden urge to poop. Our bathrooms are one person bathrooms, so the door is locked. The customer gets up and sprints to the bathroom and twists the doorknob so hard it breaks, and the customer barges in and sees my manager on the toilet.)

Manager: “Hi. Welcome to [Shop].”

Very Anal About What They Use

| UK | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the late shift at a local convenience store on a busy high street. Even though we’re surrounded by bars, nothing exciting tends to happen even around this time, 10 pm. The store lead on duty and I are stacking the health and beauty section before the stock take the following morning, when a gentleman, who appears slightly tipsy approaches me. I’m female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell any lube?”

Me: *looking up beside the condoms. It’s an unusual request and our range is limited so I need to check* “I’m sorry, I don’t think we do. I’ll check with my manager.”

(My manager has overheard and joins the conversation.)

Manager: “No, I’m sorry. we just sell condoms.”

Customer: “Aw, d***. Do you know what else I can use for anal?”

Me: *trying to remain professional* I could suggest baby oil?”

Manager: “…or Vaseline?”

Me: “Or maybe vegetable oil?”

Customer: *nodding throughout* “So, Vaseline? Maybe I’ll combine it with baby oil?” *picks both off the shelf* “Thanks! I’ll let you know how it goes!”

Manager: “I’m not going to ask if those were personal suggestions of what to use!”

Me: “I just hope he doesn’t come back to tell us how it went!”

We Will Never Be Loyals

Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m at the register, paying for my items…)

Cashier: “Hi. Do you have your loyalty card ready?”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I don’t have one.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up for one?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you. I’m not very loyal to one shop!”

Cashier: *laughs, and then looks at me properly for the first time* “Oh, I can see that!”

(Thanks…?)

Being A Customer Is Not Their Calling

, | Yorba Linda, CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Popular

(A middle-aged lady walks into the store.)

Customer: “Hi, may I have the store’s phone number?”

(I look at my coworker and we share a confused look.)

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “My grandson is in the car and wants to call in an order.”

(In total disbelief, I give her the number and watch her sign it to her grandson through the store window.)

Customer: “Did he call?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, let me give you his number so you can take his order.”

(Before I can say anything she gives me her grandson’s number so I call but nothing happens.)

Customer: “Well, just walk out to the car and take his order!”

(I went out, took the order, went back and made the sandwich. While she paid for it she commented on how rich she was and how poor we were. Seriously, she told us we were poor and couldn’t afford what she could. She left, leaving no tip. Worst customer ever.)

Doesn’t Have This Pet Thing Nailed

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(A customer brings in 80lb bulldog in for B&B.)

Me: “So do you want me to just trim his nails or file them, too?”

Customer: “Oh! I only want you to file them. I live near the woods so he needs to be able to protect himself. So make sure they stay sharp.”

Me: “Sir, what do you think is going to get him?”

Customer: “I don’t know… like a rodent.”

Me: “What kind of rodent?”

Customer: “A raccoon or a… fox.”

Me: “Well, that’s why he has a mouth full of teeth to protect himself. He’s going to use those, not his front feet.”

Customer: “Uh, well, just make sure you don’t cut them. Like I said he needs to be able to protect himself.”

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