Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Double Double Trouble

| Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I work drive-thru at a popular coffee shop, and for reference, a “double double” is two cream and two sugar. A regular customer comes through the drive-thru and orders her usual, a large double double. When she pulls up to the window the following exchange happens.)

Me: “Hello!”

Regular: “Good morning!”

(I take her money and get ready to hand her the coffee.)

Regular: “Why can’t you order a double double without sugar?”

Me: “Oh, well, double double means double cream and double sugar.”

Regular: “I know. I wish I could get it without the sugar, though. I don’t really like the sugar.”

Me: “Oh! Well, you can order a coffee without sugar in it. Did you want me to do that for you?”

Regular: “But then it wouldn’t be a double double, though.”

Me: *confused* “Err, that’s right…”

(I gave her the coffee and wished her a good day. Somehow I knew there was no winning this one.)

Will Get The Occasional Hack

| Scranton, PA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, my a**-hole neighbor hacked into your cable and is watching me!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir? Did you say he hacked our cable and is watching you?”

Customer: “Ya, that’s right! I heard him over there telling all his friends he hacked my cable box and can see me. I want you to put a block on him!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but I can assure you that’s not possible.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! I saw it on the news last week!”

Me: “Is it possible he knew you were listening and he is messing with you?”

Customer: “NO! You know it can happen and it happened to me! Are you stupid? I’m being watched and you don’t even care. They hacked into my cable box and they are watching me through the green light on the box. Shut his service off NOW!”

Me: “Sir, If you feel your life is in danger or you’re being talked about maybe you should call the police.”

Customer: “Ya, I’ll call the police now. I’m also going to report your company and they are going to shut you down!”

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “NO!” *hangs up*

Obituary Required For Common Sense

| Perth, WA, Australia | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in online death notices. As we’re based in Australia, it’s worth noting from the outset that the caller had a Canadian accent.)

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I’m listed on your site, but I’m not dead.”

Me: “Oh no! Let me check this out for you. What name was it?”

Caller: “[Name].”

Me: “Yes, I see the listing. Just let me check something.”

(We do sometimes get incorrect notices for people who are alive, mostly imported from old archive records.)

Me: “This is strange; the listing was posted yesterday from [Funeral Home].”

Caller: “Well, it needs to come down.”

Me: “Where are you calling from, by the way?”

Caller: “[City] in Canada.”

Me: “Okay, well, this listing is for a [Name] from [Suburb of Sydney], so it’s not you.”

Caller: “But it’s my name!”

Me: “Yes, but this person had the same name.”

Caller: “People are going to Google me and think I’m dead. I’m applying for jobs, and I’m not going to get hired if people think I’m dead.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t remove the listing as the family of the deceased has requested it be online.”

Caller: “Can you change the name on the listing?”

Me: “No, if I did that the people who were looking for this person’s listing would not be able to find it.”

Caller: “I need a contact number for a family member for this guy. He must have had a nickname or something they can use.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t give you that information. There’s nothing I can really do for you here. I’m sure any potential employer will understand you’re not dead.”

Caller: “I just don’t understand why my name is even there.”

Me: “It’s very rare for a name to be completely unique. If you keep Googling you’ll probably find a lot of people with your name.”

Caller: “Well, make it stop!”

28 Comments Later

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Zombies

(My restaurant has a comment-card box where customers can tell us their opinions this is an anonymous card we found in the box one day.)

Card: “I found your food to be quite delicious, your service amazing, and the prices incredibly cheap. I shall be back again- OH S***, THE ZOMBIES HAVE FOUND ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!”

(We now refer to the comment-card box as the Zombie-Box.)

The Voice Of Fairness

| AB, Canada | Bizarre, Popular

(In my day job, I’m an announcer on a radio station. However, radio money isn’t very good, so I take a second job stocking shelves in a grocery store. I’m working at the grocery store one night when a customer approaches…)

Customer: “Hey, can you tell me where the ketchup is?”

Me: “Yup! Three aisles over, sir.”

Customer: “Great! Thanks.” *pauses for a minute* “Ya know, your voice sounds familiar.” *looks at my name tag* “Hey! Are you [My Name] from the radio station?”

Me: “Yes, I am, sir.”

Customer: “What, is this some kind of contest or something?”

Me: “Nope. I work here.”

Customer: “What? Why?”

Me: “Well, money’s a little tight these days, so I took a second job.”

Customer: “But that’s not fair!”

Me: “Meh. Lots of people take two jobs to make ends meet.”

Customer: “BUT YOU’RE ON THE RADIO!”

Me: “I don’t understand what that has to do with anything.”

Customer: “You’re, like, the best guy on the radio! I can’t believe they don’t pay you enough! Don’t worry; I’ll take care of this.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Tomorrow, I’m going to head down to the station and talk to your boss! Now that the listeners know, we’ll make sure they pay you what you’re worth! Just wait… once I’m through with your boss, you’ll be running that station!”

(The customer stormed off, muttering about how unfair it was. He never did come down to the station.)

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