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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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At Least He Doesn’t Discriminate

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m a 22 year old male and I work as a bagger, or “service clerk,” at a chain grocery store. One night, at roughly four in the morning, a man comes up to the line. He has with him a baseball bat, a cucumber, some cough spray that numbs the back of the throat, preparation H wipes, and a box of condoms.)

Customer: *leans over the belt and waggles his eyebrows at the female cashier* “So, what are you doing after work?”

Cashier: *immediately goes on the defensive* “Going home and spending some time with my boyfriend.”

Customer: *looks defeated, then looks over at me* “What about you?”

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Gone Acrobatty

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I’m helping a woman and her toddler, and the computer is taking an unusually long time processing her order.)

Me: “Sorry, it’ll just be a while.”

Woman: “No problem.” *to toddler* “I’ll just put you down, okay?”

(As she bends over, I see an impatient-looking couple behind her. As she fusses with her child, the couple does an acrobatic trick that makes it look like they’re making out on TOP on the woman, from my angle. The woman then straightens up, not noticing, and they straighten up, too. This happens over and over a few times. The toddler has gone quiet. Finally, the printer prints out the woman’s receipt.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Woman: “Thanks!” *to toddler* “Come on.”

(They left, the toddler staring at the couple with a grin. The couple acted like nothing strange had happened. Maybe they really were acrobats?)

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Only I Have A Bad Feeling About This

| Washington, DC, USA | Bizarre

(The used bookstore where I work has a loading zone for customers that are selling books, which is clearly marked by the striped pavement and a sign that says ‘No Parking: Loading Zone.’ We don’t often have many issues with this, but on this particular day, a business in the same shopping center is having a convention, and the parking lot is packed.)

Customer: “I’m parked in your loading zone.”

Me: “Oh, are you selling books?”

Customer: “No, but the handicapped spot is full.”

Me: “That’s unfortunate; we do need to keep that space free for those customers who are selling books, though, so I’ll have to ask you to move your car.”

(The customer just walks off into the store, so that I have to follow her.)

Me: “Ma’am? Excuse me. I will need you to move your car. Our loading zone is just for those who are unloading books that they’re selling to our store. I can’t allow you to park there while you shop.”

Customer: “NO ONE BUT ME KNOWS HOW I FEEL!”

Me: *confused* “I’m not sure how that’s relevant, but I still need to ask you to move your vehicle.”

Customer: *points to her foot, which is in a walking cast, as if I am disputing that she is handicapped*

Me: “I’m sorry the handicapped spot was taken, but the loading zone is not a handicapped spot; it’s just for loading and unloading. If your vehicle is still parked there in ten minutes, I will have to call a towing company.”

(The customer storms off into the store.)

Customer #2: *who has seen me have to ask two other people not to park in the loading zone in the time that he’s been in the store* “What a day. ‘Only I know how I feel’?”

Me: *lifts my hands in an ‘I don’t know’ gesture before going to look up the number for the towing company*

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Doesn’t Get How Working Works

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Time

(The phone rings and I answer.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hey, so, I know you’re open until 11 pm, but I was just wondering if you’ll still have people there that late.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry; I don’t follow. We are open to customers until 11.”

Caller: “Yeah, I know, but like, will you still have people still working there then?”

Me: “Oh, uh… yeah?”

Caller: “Okay, cool, thanks.” *click*

(I have to wonder what kinds of stores he’s been to that allow their employees to leave the store unlocked, operating, and open to customers after they clock out and leave!)

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A Suction Reduction

| Fond du Lac, WI, USA | Bizarre

(I am a 17-year-old girl. I’ve only been working here for a few weeks, so I’m still not sure about everything we stock and where every item is. A couple in their thirties comes up to me, looking a bit nervous.)

Man: “Do you… uh, have any little suction balls?”

Me: “Um, suction balls?”

Man: “Yeah, you know…” *he mines squeezing something like a turkey baster*

Me: “Oh! I think I know what you mean. We have suction things for cleaning babies’ noses. Is that what you want?”

(The couple exchange looks and start to giggle.)

Wife: “Well, that’s not what we’re going to use it for…”

(I turn around quickly before they can see how red my face has become. I show them what they are looking for, and after they leave I relay the story to my manager.)

Manager: “Yeah, if you’re going to work here during the evening shift you’re going to have to stop asking questions.”

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