Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

A Very Quick Performance

| Vienna, Austria | Bizarre, Time

(I work in a big theatre where a lot of rich obnoxious people come to watch the performance. No one is allowed entrance into the auditorium after the performance has started. I am working entrance when a woman in her fifties shows up ten minutes late.)

Me: “Good evening, madam. I am very sorry, but the performance has already started; you can take a seat in the lobby. There is a live screen where you can watch until intermission.”

Woman: “So, I am not allowed in?”

Me: “No. I am very sorry, but nobody is allowed in after the music has started.”

Woman: *very understanding* “I get that. But, you see, my mother, she is 90 years old; it takes her a while to get ready, so maybe you could make an exception?”

Me: “I really couldn’t, I’m sorry.”

(The last two sentences are repeated 3-4 times. At that moment sure enough, a very old lady enters the area with her walking stick and stands quietly next to the original woman.)

Woman: *more unsettled* “Look, we’ve paid a lot of money for these tickets! I want you to let us in NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t do it.”

(I look over to my colleague and sign him to get our supervisor.)

Woman: “You are going to let us in THIS SECOND or you’re going to be in BIG TROUBLE!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but once the performance has started, there is no getting in. it says so on your ti—”

(I stop talking at that moment, because the 90-year old woman, that takes so long to get ready and walk, suddenly starts running towards the door to the auditorium. I’m baffled, but since she is 90 years old and I am in my early 20s, the one-second head-start she gets until I believe what’s happening is not enough for her to reach the doors before me, so I stop her and escort her back to her daughter.)

Me: “As I was saying, it says on your ticket, that once the performance has starte—”

(Again, the 90-year-old lady starts running towards the auditorium and I stop her and bring her back. Finally, my supervisor shows up.)

Supervisor: “What seems to be the problem?”

Woman: *switching back to her fake polite tone* “We were late, but look, my mother, she is 90 years old, she’s not that fast anymore…”

(My supervisor continues to give her the exact same information I gave her two minutes earlier. While she gets more unnerved again, the old lady tries running off once more and I stop her again to bring her back.)

Supervisor: *raising his eyebrow* “Well, if she had been that quick while getting ready, you wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place!”

(The woman gave up and took a seat at the monitor.)

Dumbledore’R’Us

| Wilton, CT, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I have worked in this particular craft store for years, and know all of our product by heart. An older man speaking broken English flags me down.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a little remote that you point at lights and it fixes the lights.”

Me: “Could you describe it a little more, please?”

Customer: “It was all over the TV last night. All over the TV. You didn’t see it?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid not. We have lots of different lights though, string of lights and replacement bulbs—”

Customer: “No, no, it’s not a light; it fixes the lights. You point it at the broken light and it fixes it.”

Me: “I don’t believe we carry anything like that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “No, all stores carry it. The TV store said every store carries it.”

Me: “Let me ask my coworkers if anyone has heard of it.”

(We use walkies-talkies to talk to each other, and have headsets to the customer can’t hear the responses.)

Me: “Has anyone heard of a device that you point at broken lights and it fixes them?”

Coworker: *through walkie* “You mean a magic wand?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid nobody has heard of it. I’m sorry, I would try [Big Store #1] or [Big Store #2]. Maybe they carry it.”

Best Comment Of The Year

| IA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A regular customer almost always has a similar exchange with me during checkout. Usually it goes, “That was a good year,” or some good other natured ribbing.)

Regular: “How much you need?”

Me: *total that sounds like a long ago year*

Regular: “That wasn’t a very good year.”

Me: *without a beat, not really paying attention* “That’s because you weren’t there.”

Regular: *can’t stop laughing*

This Situation Will Just Snake Along

| IN, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work in the children’s department on the second floor of our large public library, so I see some interesting things. There are no food and drinks allowed except in the main lobby area. A roughly ten-year-old boy enters the children’s department.)

Boy: “Can I get logged onto a computer? Oh, and this isn’t a drink by the way.” *he’s holding a styrofoam drink cup*

Me: “Yes, there are computers open in the lab. What’s in the cup?”

Boy: “A snake!”

Me: “What? A live snake?”

Boy: “Yep! I found it outside and I’m taking it home but I wanted to come here first. Can he stay in the cup while I’m on the computer?”

(A bit stupefied by the unexpected situation, I agree. I comes to my senses and realize a minute later that this a terrible idea.)

Me: *goes to computer lab* “I’m sorry, we actually don’t allow animals except trained service animals in the library. You need to take the snake outside.”

(The boy reluctantly agrees to do so. Out of curiosity, I watch him from the windows. The library security guard joins me to see what’s going on. The boy has elected to dump the snake out directly in front of the library main doors, which are automatic and still open behind him. It’s November and chilly so of course the snake is going towards heat, resulting in a desperate game of soccer on the boy’s part. There is general relief from the watching crowd when the snake is finally coerced into the bushes. My coworker stops panicking and everyone resumes normal duties. Five minutes later, an adult man walks into the children’s department:)

Man: “Hey, do you have a hole punch?”

Me: “We should, but you have to use it here at the desk. May I ask what you need it for?”

Man: *holding up Pringles can* “I found this snake outside and I put him in this can, but I want to punch some holes in the lid so he can breathe while I’m here. Can I borrow it?”

Coworker: “Why is that snake back in here again?!”

(Please note that he had to walk through the main lobby, past the circulation desk, past the reference desk, upstairs, and around the corner to children’s. The man was denied use of the hole punch, under duress, and the snake was escorted back outside of the library. Such fuss over an average garter snake!)

Gets The Chest Signal

| Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre

(I am working as a bank teller at the drive-up window. A lady pulls up and I greet her through the speaker.)

Lady: “Can I ask a favor? I can’t find my phone in the car. If I give you my number, will you please call it?”

(I agree, and dial the number. Once it begins to ring, the lady jerks her head up with a shock, eyes wide. She proceeds to reach down her shirt and pull her phone out of her bra.)

Lady: “Found it!”

Page 5/267First...34567...Last