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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer Threw

| Gettysburg, PA, USA | Bizarre

(We get a lot of strange customers in the relics shop where I work. Most of them are older people who just have too much money and don’t know what to do with all of it, so they decide to spend it on expensive cannonballs and things of that nature. When we get a REALLY weird customer in, we write down their name and what they did.)

Older Woman: *picking up various bullets, shells, and other old things*

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Older Woman: *almost blissful smile* “No, thank you, I’m just listening to their stories.”

Me: “Their stories?”

Older Woman: *suddenly grimacing as she picks up one particular shell* “Yes, dear, they speak to me and tell me what they’ve seen. I only buy the ones that tell really good stories!”

Me: *slowly backing up as this woman is actually starting to scare me with the faces she’s making but still trying to look interested* “Oh, okay, then. Let me know if you need any help!”

Older Woman: *suddenly throwing a twelve pound cannonball across the room with incoherent screeching*

Me: *running back to the desk to grab the pepper spray if she becomes violent* “MA’AM, PLEASE DON’T THROW THINGS IN THE STORE!”

Older Woman: *now calm* “Sorry, dear, that one just frightened me. All it did was scream.”

Me: “Oookaaayyyy…”

Older Woman: *bringing something which I can’t identify beyond ‘twisted piece of rusted metal’* “This one sings quite nicely. I’d like to take it home.”

Me: *glad she’s finally leaving* “Will that be all for you today?”

Older Woman: *paying and leaving* “Yes, dear, thank you very much!”

Me: *turning to coworker who has worked here for twenty some years* “What just happened?!”

Coworker: “Oh, that was Daisy. She’s a bit on the odd side. You’ll see her at least two more times before this summer is over.”

Me: *resigning to the insanity* “I’m writing my letter of resignation to give [Boss] as soon as I see Daisy walk in the door again.”

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I Can Hear You Dumb And Clear

| Du Quoin, IL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I have just started working at my local pharmacy. It’s my first time answering the phone and I’m really nervous.)

Me: “Pharmacy, this is [My Name]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “HELLO?? HELLLOOOO?”

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Caller: “HELLOOOOOOOOO.”

Me: “Hello… ma’am?”

Caller: “CAAAAAN YOUUU HEEEAR MEEEE?”

Me: *holding phone away from my ear at this point* “Loud and clear, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh, good. I just wanted to make sure my phone was working.” *click*

Me: *stares at phone*

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Layaway Stayaway

| Franklin, TN, USA | Bizarre, Money, Popular

(I work for a women’s clothing store that has filed for bankruptcy and is going out of business. We have a customer that will put things on layaway and then forget about them until we call her to come pick up her stuff. About a month before we are going to close for good, she comes into the store.)

Customer: “I just heard you’re going to close! That’s awful. I love this store!”

Me: “I’m sorry, too. You’ve been a good customer of ours.”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to get some things while I can!”

(She shops for about half an hour before coming to the register.)

Customer: “I’d like to put these things on layaway, please.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am, but I have to tell you that all merchandise must be picked up before [date], because we will be closing our doors shortly after.”

Customer: “Of course. Of course. I understand. I’ll be back in to pick everything up next week.”

(I process the layaway and take her deposit payment of about thirty dollars.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, your layaway has been processed, and, just to remind you, it has to be paid for and picked up by [date]. We’re closing our doors a couple of weeks after that and we can’t have any merchandise left in the store. Any layaways left here will be returned and refunded.”

Customer: “Of course, I’ll be in next week! I promise!”

(Sure enough, the final day comes, and we’ve called her numerous times to tell her she has to pick up her things or have us return them for her, but she hasn’t come in or returned our calls.)

Boss: “Well, we have to do a return and process a refund.”

(We did the return, but she had paid in cash, so she would have to come into the store to pick up her refund. Two weeks later, after many voicemails, she has not come in to pick up her cash.)

Boss: “Lunch is on [Customer] today. She’ll have to go through the bankruptcy court now to get her money back.”

(To this day, I have no idea if she ever remembered she had left cash at the store.)

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As Thick As Pea Soup

| SC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for soup.”

Me: “What kind of soup did you have in mind?”

Customer: “You know, soup.”

Me: *attempting to narrow down the options* “Were you interested in hot and ready to eat soup, or are you looking for canned soup?”

Customer: “I want soup.”

Me: *brain cells beginning to weaken and die* “We carry hot soups in the deli, but otherwise, you’ll find our soup selection in… the soup aisle.”

Customer: “Soup?”

Me: *nodding slowly* “Yep. Soup.”

(Customer wandered away.)

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Very Home Free

| UK | Bizarre

(I am the customer, in a supermarket with my mother. We’ve just finished paying for our shopping and I’m making my way out. My mother has stopped to talk to someone. There are two sales people at the front door. One approaches:)

Salesperson: “Would you like to hear out new electricity deals?”

(Instead of saying that I don’t handle the bills in our house I scream:)

Me: “I DON’T HAVE A HOME!”

(I then ran past the poor man with my cart.)

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