Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Can’t Be Flexible With A**-Holes

| Oakville, ON, Canada | Bizarre

(I work on the sales floor of a running shoe store chain that also sells other sporting goods. A very agitated customer and his wife walk in.)

Customer: “I demand to see the manager! I need help!”

Me: “We currently don’t have a manager on staff right now, but I’m happy to help you.”

Customer: “Fine. I need flexible shorts!”

Me: “Can you be a little more specific?”

Customer: “I am being specific. Do you not understand the word flexible?!”

(I start showing the guy our shorts. The store is quite busy and my other coworkers are busy with customers, but both shoot me concerned glances.)

Customer: “None of these are flexible!”

Me: “Are you looking for something tight or stretchy? Spandex perhaps?”

Customer: “No! Flexible!”

(I consider asking him if he would like to see our selection of chain-mail shorts, but I reconsider.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are all the men’s shorts we have.”

Customer: “Fine! Screw this!”

(He promptly left, dragging his wife with him. She gave me an apologetic look on the way out. The guy hadn’t been in the store for more than a few minutes.)

Stepping Up To The Regular-Sized Plate

| Twin Cities, MN, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Popular

(The place I work at features an all-you-can-eat spaghetti dish. It’s one of our most popular pasta items but is a pretty generous serving, so not too many people order extra plates. Our spaghetti also comes in two portions, a standard portion, as well as a half portion. Often times, if people order an extra plate of spaghetti, the waitress will actually ask the kitchen staff for a half portion, since few people finish a second portion and we don’t like to see too much food wasted.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I thought your spaghetti was all you can eat.”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “Well, I ordered a second plate but it’s a lot smaller than the first…”

Me: “Oh, we sometimes do that just in case people aren’t as hungry as they think they are. It happens more than you’d think.”

Customer: “But I thought it was all you can eat!”

Me: “It is.”

Customer: “But I want more than this!”

Me: “Well, when you finish that, we can bring you another plate if you’d like.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yup. It’s all you can eat so we’ll keep bringing you plates until you’re full.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Great!” *goes back to eating happily*

(I made sure his waitress brought him a full portion the next time he asked for a refill. In the end he ended up eating almost four plates of spaghetti, plus a side salad and a generous portion of bread!)

Get Back On Time Or You’re In For A Grilling

| TX, USA | Bizarre

(Our store closes at midnight. It’s 11:45 pm and a gentleman with a bit of a slur walks up asking to buy one of our grills. The grills we sell are locked up outside and cost $99. I ring one up for him which comes to about $108.)

Customer: *slaps down $55* “Is that enough?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Let me call someone to bring some money.”

Me: “Well, sir, we do close at midnight. I hope they can get here before then.”

(He hangs up his phone and appears a bit frantic. He begins to pat himself down looking for more money. He then lays a large pocket knife on my conveyor belt.)

Customer: “Listen, this knife is from [Another Store] and is worth $100. Call them; they can vouch for it. I’ll sell it to you for $10… $15, what do you say?”

Me: *shocked* “Um, no, sir, I cannot do that.”

Customer: “All right, dang, let me go home and get some more money. I’ll be back.”

Me: “It is 11:51 pm. You have nine minutes.”

(As my crew and I are cleaning up after midnight, there’s a phone call. Sure enough…)

Customer: “Hi, can I please speak to the man that was helping me with a grill earlier?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; he’s gone for the evening.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back in there tomorrow for the grill.”

(Who needs a grill at 11:45 at night, anyway?!)

Fan-Assisted Fear

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in a deli in a grocery store. In the bakery department the ovens beep when the timer goes off, much like an oven at home.)

Oven: *beep* *beep* *beep*

(Suddenly there is a loud drawn out scream. The entire section of the store is looking around to see what happened.)

Customer: *at bakery counter* “That beep scared me!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir. They beep when the timer goes off.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t have things that scare people! You need to turn them off!”

Clerk: “There’s no way to turn the beep off, sir. We need it to know when the oven is done.”

Clerk: “There are things that scare black people and things that scare white people and that scared me!”

(The clerk is black and the customer is white.)

Clerk: “Sir, I’m sorry but we aren’t afraid of ovens…”

(The customer storms off muttering to himself.)

Conversational Weirdness Is Spiraling Upward

| NY, USA | Bizarre

(A customer is being served by a coworker at the deli at the grocery store where I work. My customer notices their transaction.)

Customer: “What was that ham that you sliced the other customer?”

Me: “That was the spiral ham.”

Customer: “Oooh, I usually associate the word “spiral” with a staircase… Can you imagine if you were sliding down a staircase banister and suddenly it turned into a straight razor?”

Me & Coworker: *exchange shocked looks*

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