Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

We Will Never Be Loyals

Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m at the register, paying for my items…)

Cashier: “Hi. Do you have your loyalty card ready?”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I don’t have one.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up for one?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you. I’m not very loyal to one shop!”

Cashier: *laughs, and then looks at me properly for the first time* “Oh, I can see that!”

(Thanks…?)

Being A Customer Is Not Their Calling

, | Yorba Linda, CA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Popular

(A middle-aged lady walks into the store.)

Customer: “Hi, may I have the store’s phone number?”

(I look at my coworker and we share a confused look.)

Me: “May I ask why?”

Customer: “My grandson is in the car and wants to call in an order.”

(In total disbelief, I give her the number and watch her sign it to her grandson through the store window.)

Customer: “Did he call?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, let me give you his number so you can take his order.”

(Before I can say anything she gives me her grandson’s number so I call but nothing happens.)

Customer: “Well, just walk out to the car and take his order!”

(I went out, took the order, went back and made the sandwich. While she paid for it she commented on how rich she was and how poor we were. Seriously, she told us we were poor and couldn’t afford what she could. She left, leaving no tip. Worst customer ever.)

Doesn’t Have This Pet Thing Nailed

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(A customer brings in 80lb bulldog in for B&B.)

Me: “So do you want me to just trim his nails or file them, too?”

Customer: “Oh! I only want you to file them. I live near the woods so he needs to be able to protect himself. So make sure they stay sharp.”

Me: “Sir, what do you think is going to get him?”

Customer: “I don’t know… like a rodent.”

Me: “What kind of rodent?”

Customer: “A raccoon or a… fox.”

Me: “Well, that’s why he has a mouth full of teeth to protect himself. He’s going to use those, not his front feet.”

Customer: “Uh, well, just make sure you don’t cut them. Like I said he needs to be able to protect himself.”

Weird And Warming Thoughts

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | Bizarre

(It’s a slow night at work and it’s cold. I decide to verbally air my thoughts aloud and didn’t realize people were around me.)

Me: “Man, it’s cold in this store. I wish they’d fix that.”

Customer: “Are you serious? Like, are you for real?”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “No, but you didn’t answer my question. Were you talking to anyone specifically or were you talking to yourself?”

Me: “Uhhh, no, ma’am. Just kinda talking to myself. Ya know?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t do that.”

Me: “Oh? Why’s that?”

Customer: “Talking to yourself is weird. Only weirdos with mental issues do that. People will say stuff about you.”

Me: “Oh. That sounds pretty neat.”

Customer: “Um… okay, then.”

(She gave me a weird look and quickly shambled away.)

I’m Not Here All The Time

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Me: “Would you like to sign up to receive our coupons?”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I’m in here all the time.”

Me: “Oh, so then you might want the coupons then, because they are exclusive to the people who sign up and they give you certain percentages off your purchases.”

Customer: “No, I wouldn’t use them. I hardly ever shop here.”