Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Flurries Of Furries

| ME, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

(I am working by myself at the box office out in front of the theater when an individual walks in wearing a full wolf costume, head and all.)

Wolf-Man: “Yes, one adult to ‘Zootopia,’ please.”

(However, posted very clearly next to me is a sign saying that we cannot sell tickets to those wearing anything obstructing an individual’s face or any sort of prop weaponry.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, but unfortunately I cannot sell your ticket while you have that mask with you. It is a company policy for the safety of all of our guests.”

(The individual doesn’t take very kindly and, still wearing the wolf head, tells me very sternly:)

Wolf-Man: “This is my head. I am Greypaw the Wolf, and while I am in my fursona, that is who I am, so I would like to buy my ticket, please.”

Me: *gesturing to the sign next to me* “Unfortunately, I can’t let you purchase tickets until you remove the head. I have to ask you to return it to your car before we can complete the transaction.”

Wolf-Man: *still wearing the head and leaning over the counter* “I can smell that you are afraid of me. Just because I am an animal does not mean you need to be afraid. I’m just like you.”

Me: *pretty frustrated* “Sir, I don’t want to ask you to leave, but if you do not remove your mask, I will be forced to. It is a company policy and I have to uphold it.”

(This enrages him, causing him to lean over and growl at me, getting down on his hands and knees for some reason.)

Wolf-Man: “I am not a ‘sir’; I am a wolf and I expect to be addressed as such. I want to see this movie and all you are doing is preventing me because you obviously don’t like that I am not a human like you.”

Me: “Sir, I will gladly sell you the ticket. I’ll even store your mask in box office with me so you can be sure it’s safe. All I need you to do is take it off.”

Wolf-Man: *growled again, this time howling as well* “I am NOT a ‘sir.’ I am a WOLF!”

Me: “Well, I do have to apologize then, but not only do we have a no mask policy, but we do have a no pet policy, so I am going to have to ask you to leave.”

(He finally got the hint and stormed out, mumbling to himself the whole way to the door. Luckily there were no more customers in line as it was a slow day, but I never did see Greypaw again.)

Should Have Had A Measure Of Common Sense

| Hickory, NC, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I work in a shoe store, where we get some pretty unbelievable customers. My manager has just been approached by an elderly lady.)

Manager: “Welcome to [Store]. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m not happy with these shoes.”

Manager: “I’m sorry to hear that. How can I help?”

Customer: “I bought these at your store in [City an hour away]. The man measured my feet, but when I brought them home they didn’t fit! I need to return them.”

Manager: “Did you try them on when you bought them?”

Customer: “Of course not. He measured my feet.”

Manager: *after a pause* “Okay. So what size would you like instead?”

Customer: *now in a huff* “Well, why don’t you do your job and measure my feet and tell me!”

(My manager finds her some shoes, which she doesn’t try on, and rings her up before turning to me.)

Manager: “Are you f****** kidding me?”

Talking Baloney About Salami

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m the manager of a small local deli. It’s known for unusual cuts of meat, as well as your regular ones. One day a more than eager customer comes in.)

Customer: “Hey, buddy, I want some llama meat.”

Me: “I’m sorry…? Llama meat?”

Customer: “Yeah, my son gets it from here for me every week. Llama meat! You have unusual meat here, and I want some llama meat! Are you new or something?”

Me: “Sir, I’ve worked here for almost a year, and I can assure you we’ve never stocked such an item; in fact, I’m pretty sure hunting llamas is illegal.”

Customer: “No, listen, you little twit! Llama meat! I put it on my sandwiches! See, right there! You have little circles of it, Salamo meat!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? Could you repeat that?”

Customer: “Llama meat! Salamo meat, whatever! I put it on my sandwiches and it’s red and spicy! Salamo llama meat!”

Me: *putting two and two together* “Do you mean salami? It’s red and comes in circles, and ours is spicy.”

Customer: “Yes, salami! Llama salami salamo meat! Don’t you know anything? God!” *storms out*

That Question Is On Thin Ice

, | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in the cafe of a national chain bookstore, where customers can help themselves to free ice water at the condiments counter.)

Me: *tidying up the condiments*

Customer: “Excuse me. Is this real ice?”

Me: “…what’s fake ice?”

Not Receiving The Right Answer

| Englewood, CO, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh, okay.” *hands him receipt*

Customer: “Oh. I meant yeah as in ‘no’.”

Me: “Ah, yes, I also mean the exact opposite of what I say.”

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