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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 59

| Ashland, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Money

Customer: “So I want to do $40 cash, and the rest on my debit card.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

(I put the cash through, same as any other order, and then…)

Me: “Okay, go ahead and slide your card now.”

Customer: “But I left it at home.”

Me: *stunned* “You left it at home?”

Customer: “Yeah… Wait, you mean I need to bring the card with me to use it?”

Me: *speechless*

(Thankfully, a manager nearby overheard the exchange and jumped in…)

Manager: “Yes, ma’am, you need to bring your card. We can’t use a debit card that you don’t have.”

Customer: “But I have a debit card! Are you telling me I can’t use my card? Why can’t I use it?!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to come back with your card.”

Customer: “But I have a card!”

(This went on for a good minute or so. The manager ultimately wound up voiding out the second half of the order, telling the customer to come back *with her card* to pay for it. Afterward:)

Customer: “Make sure you don’t put that stuff away! I’ll be back! *leaves*

Next Customer: *shakes her head*

Me: *still speechless*

Bagger: “So… how much you want to bet she doesn’t come back?”

(She didn’t come back. That second half of the order? Mostly frozen food.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 58
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 57
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 56

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Already Covered In Enough Trash

| Riverbank, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(The guys responsible for herding and organizing the carts also empty the garbage cans near the entrance, usually by tying off the bags, putting them in a cart, and wheeling them through the store to the back. It’s not usually a problem, but on this day the bag broke and leaked stinky trash water all over the floor. I was on my hands and knees wiping up the spill when our store operator came over to me to say there was an insistent customer in my department. The lingerie department.)

Me: *wearing rubber gloves obviously soiled with trash remnants* “Hello, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for some lingerie for my wife and I want you to help me pick some out.”

Me: “Tell me more about what you’re looking for. A matched set, a nightgown, lace, satin?”

Customer: “Why don’t you tell me what kind of underwear you like?”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “She’s about your size, if you wanted to look real sexy what would you wear?” *remember: I’m wearing trash-covered rubber gloves*

Me: “Sir, I can point you to different items in the department or help you get another size or color, but I can’t choose an item for you.”

Customer: “C’mon… I just want you to help me find something that would look good on a woman like you!”

Me: “Sir, I’m covered in trash juice and we have a main aisle blocked off waiting for me to clean it. If you need help finding something, you can talk to [Coworker] in the jewelry department.”

(I walked away while he contemplated the 6’2″, 300 lb worker at the jewelry counter. The last I saw of him he was scurrying away from my coworker muttering something about not needing any help.)

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A Ballooning Sense Of Bad Behavior

| Helsinki, Finland | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Holidays

(It is daytime during New Year’s Eve, and I go to buy some supplies for my brother. When I walk through the door, I see a balloon stand with lovely New Year’s Eve-themed balloons, so I pick one out. Soon I notice a middle-aged customer, an angry-looking woman, who is intentionally following me when I walk around. Suddenly she grabs me violently by the shoulder, forcing me to stop.)

Me: “Uh, excuse me, what are you doing?”

Customer: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Do what exactly?”

Customer: “Walk around in the store with a balloon with you like that!”

Me: “I took this from the balloon stand by the door, and I intend to pay for it before leaving, if that is what you mean.”

Customer: “NOOO! I mean, you can’t just strut around looking all snobby and important with that balloon, showing it off like ‘look what I’m getting for my kids’! It makes me look like an a**-hole!”

(Note: I’m only 22 and have no kids, so I tell her that I’m getting it for my grandma, since she’s hosting a dinner for my family tonight.)

Customer: “See! That’s even worse! Why can’t ordinary people just walk around the store, without feeling obligated to buy stuff like that for others who certainly don’t need it!”

(At this point I’m so confused, that I go completely silent, but the woman just keeps repeating herself, with her voice going higher and louder each time. I just stand there dumbfounded, when mall security suddenly appears.)

Security: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “This woman is basically forcing me to buy a balloon for my kids even though I don’t want to!”

Security: *to me* “Did you do this?”

Me: “No, there has to be some mistake here. I never spoke to her or even looked at her before she came up to me and dragged me by the shoulder. I was just walking around with this balloon that I picked up by the balloon stand, while collecting other items.”

(At this point the woman goes totally crazy and starts dragging me by my hair. The mall security officer steps in and firmly holds her away from me.)

Security: “Finish up your shopping and meet me by the cashiers, and we’ll go have a look at the tapes. I’ll keep an eye on this woman in the meantime.”

(I went to pay for my items, including the balloon, and then I followed him to the room with all the security tape screens. He saw exactly what happened on the tape, and he let me go. While I was walking to my car I could still hear the woman screaming in protest. I guess her problem was having a bad conscience!)

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Conversation In Headlock Gridlock

| VA, USA | Bizarre

(I am working at the desk, when I get a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. My name is Kate. How may I help you?”

Man: “Oh, well, don’t you sound cheerful this morning! How cute. I knew a girl named Kate… Oh, wow. Can I spill my guts to you?”

(I’m not quite sure what to say, almost expecting this to be a prank call.)

Me: “Um… sure?”

Man: “Well, I know a girl named Kate… and she was a muscle builder type of girl. I’m sure you have those… right? Well, you should’ve seen this. One time at a pool party, she put me in a scissor head lock. She held me there for so long… I couldn’t even breathe. It was crazy. She held me in a scissor head lock.”

(The guy on the phone continued to repeat the fact that she had held him in a scissor head lock while she was in a bikini.)

Me: “Oh, well, that’s quite interesting. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “But you would’ve laughed, right? To see a 21-year-old girl put a 58-year-old man in a scissor head lock… Just tell me you would’ve laughed. I want to hear you say it. And then you would have told her to go and do it to someone else, right?”

(Genuinely creeped out and completely puzzled as to why this conversation is happening, I ask him again how I can help him.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I must move on past this topic. Now, is there anything I can help you with?”

Man: “Yes, I was just wondering how much your memberships are.”

Me: “Okay, sir… Let me direct you to someone in that department.”

(Needless to say, I was confused for the rest of the day.)

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Unrest-Room

| Wilkes Barre, PA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I am spending the day today with my grandmother to do some Christmas shopping, and because she has some birthday coupons for several of the stores to use. I need to use the restroom, so I tell her to go ahead and wait on a bench and I’d be right back.)

Me: *opens the restroom door just in time to see one of the stall doors SLAM shut as if someone rushed in there*

Woman: *is audibly scrambling around in the stall, presumably getting toilet paper to wipe the seat or something*

Me: *sneezes*

Woman: “Oh! Uh… You might wanna leave. I… I don’t wanna put anyone else through this.”

Me: *in partial disbelief of what I just heard her say, quietly exits the restroom and makes the long walk to the bathroom in the nearest department store*

(At least she was considerate. LOL!)

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