Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

How To Troll(ey) Yourself

| Ireland | Bizarre, Popular

(I’m sitting at the customer service desk when I notice a lady dump a load of items on top of a load of display boxes. She disappears off into the shop again and after a few minutes comes up and dumps more stuff on the boxes. The next time she comes back I go over to her with a trolley.)

Me: “Hi there! Thought you could use a trolley!”

Lady: “Oh, thank you! That’s a big help.”

(The lady proceeds to put all her items into the trolley before wandering off into the shop for more things she needs, leaving her trolley full of shopping behind her. A few minutes later she comes back, this time struggling to carry three 10-litre buckets of paint. My manager comes out onto the floor and notices her.)

Manager: “You’ll put your back out carrying those! Let me get you a trolley.”

Lady: “Oh, I’m fine thanks. I already have one here.” *gesturing at the paint that she put on the trolley* “Man, I wish there was an easier way to carry these things about.”

(The lady walks off into the shop again. My manager turns around and looks at me confused.)

Me: “I don’t think she understands how trolleys work.”

A Far Away State Of Mind

| USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I work as a customer service representative for a catalog ordering company.)

Me: “My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: *in a southern accent, with a shocked and confused tone of voice starts talking loudly through what must be a defective telephone* “You sound so far away! I can barely hear you! Are you far away?”

(I have an idea in the back of my mind what she really means but I just don’t believe it, so I give her the benefit of the doubt with my answer.)

Me: *wearing a headset* “No, my mouth is close to the phone.”

Customer: “No! I mean I live in Arkansas. Where do you live? Is it far away?”

Me: *deadpan* “I live in [Other State].”

Customer: *now settled and no longer confused, but still in a state of shock and speaking loudly* “OH! No wonder you sound so far away! [Other State] is very far away from Arkansas.”

Me: *face-palm* “Okay, well, how may I help you today, ma’am?”

(I finished the call without another incident.)

Dealing With The Switchboard Horde

, | TX, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(The following calls are all in a row at the very beginning of my shift. Caller #1 is very elderly lady, #2 is middle aged lady, #3 is young man.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “MIKE?! Is that you? MIKE?!”

Me: “This is the operator; can you give me the last name of the patient?”

Caller #1: “I need Mike. Put Mike on the phone!”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Yes, could you please look out your window and tell me the name of the foot doctor across the street?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t have a window in my office. Do you know the name of the doctor you are looking for? I could look it up on the Internet.”

Caller #2: “No, I don’t know his name. That is why I’m calling you. Could the security guard go outside and see if he can find a foot doctor over there.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they are all patrolling the hospital and they wouldn’t be able to leave the property.”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “Why do you keep answering the phone? I am trying to talk to my husband, Mike! Put him on the phone!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What is your husband’s last name?”

Caller #1: “Do you not have sense?”

(The caller then hangs up. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #3: “Can you help me? I can’t find my walis eefus.”

Me: “I’m sorry; are you looking for a patient?”

Caller #3: “No! I lost my walis effus getting out of the car and I thought someone turned them in.”

Me: “I’m not understanding. What did you lose? Can you spell that for me?”

Caller #3: “My walisssssssssssss eeeeeeefussssssssss! You know… my W-I-R-E-L-E-S-S … E-A-R-P-H-O-N-E-S!”

Me: “Let me put you through to lost and found.”

(I transfer the caller. I answer the next call:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hospital]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “MIKE?!”

Me: “…”

Driving Temperature Change

| MI, USA | Bizarre

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Lady: “I need a thermostat.”

Me: “Okay. What’s it for?”

Lady: “It’s for my car.”

Me: “Okay, but what is it going in?”

Lady: “It’s going in my car!”

On The Aisle To Enlightenment

| CA, USA | Bizarre

(My friend told me this story the other day. We are both clerks at a local discount grocery store. We have new owners, who have recently started playing music other than ’70s Top 40 and early 2000s soft pop on the store intercom.)

Customer: “Could you have that music turned off? It’s the devil’s music. I know because I’m enlightened.”

(The music in question was something by Van Halen. My friend was confused, and looked at the customer, an older woman, incredulously.)

Worker: “Can I direct you to my—”

Customer: “And judging you by your response, you’re not enlightened. Bye.”

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