Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Hope She Goes Away With The Flow

, | Luton, England, UK | Bizarre, Popular

(I work as a shop assistant in quite an expensive high street store. Because of the relatively costly items, customers expect a certain level of customer service. We also wear clothing from the store as our uniform, but with no real way of identifying staff, we usually greet our customers while we’re tidying the shop floor. I am going about my business when a customer walks in. I give it about 30 seconds before approaching her.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “Hi. I was just looking for some clothes. Is that okay?”

Me: “Of course. What sort of clothing were you after?”

Customer: “Just clothes. Am I in the right place?”

(I realise that she is trying to make some kind of point.)

Customer: “This ‘customer service’ nonsense is ridiculous. ‘Are you all right? Do you need any help?’ It interrupts the flow of shopping. Shopping is an experience, and the shop assistant getting in your face interrupts the flow of shopping.”

Me: “Well, as we wear clothing from the store, staff members can be a little tricky to identify if they aren’t behind the till, so we greet customers so they know who to look out for if they need any help.”

Customer: “’Need help,’ pfft. If I need help I’ll come and find you. You don’t need to ask me if I need help. Do you know that leading psychologists (that’s what I do, I’m trained in psychology) have found that most people hate shopping now because of all this ‘customer service’ so they’d rather shop online? Isn’t that sad? Shopping is an experience and customer service is simply ruining it.”

Me: “We carry out customer surveys on a regular basis and we’ve found that customers actually request this kind of service and many of them shop here not only because of the clothing but also the standard of customer service we uphold, but I’m sure if you wrote a letter to the company they would take your thoughts on board.”

(She carried on for 10 minutes before she stopped “interrupting the flow of my working.”)

Why You Need Hazard Pay: Reason Number Two

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(I work as a general janitor in a department store. I’m near the upstairs bathrooms, which are usually pretty quiet.)

Woman: “Excuse me! Can I throw something in your trash bin?”

Me: “Of course!”

Woman: *pulls out of her purse, no baby in sight, a full diaper* “Thanks!”

(She dumped the diaper and walked away. I have SO many questions…)

Need Some Lights For All Their Darkness

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(I work at a furniture retail store as a cashier. I sometimes like to guess why customers are buying certain items, depending on the season, such as glasses for weddings, etc. We have a set of 100 white scentless tea-lights. A pair of customers, a man and woman who appear to be a couple, come to my register with about 10 packs of these, so I’m sure I know what they’re for.)

Me: “Lots of tea-lights! Let me guess, for a restaurant or a hotel?”

Woman: “Oh, no. Actually, we’re goth!”

(I burst out laughing. They look confused for a moment, but fortunately were understanding when I explained that that was the first time I’d gotten that answer.)

Can’t See The Wood For The Bags

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Popular

Cashier: “So, will that be paper or plastic today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I prefer wood.”

Cashier: *just stares for a moment*

Customer: *realizing what she said* “Oh, um, paper is fine. I don’t know why I said that…”

(Meanwhile everyone around her was trying not to laugh as she exited the building without her wooden bags.)

An Act Of Togetherness

| SC, USC | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I work at an arts festival over the summer.)

Me: “[Festival], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking at your website and I’m trying to get tickets.”

Me: “Okay, I can help with that! What event are you looking at?”

(He names an event that I’m certain is part of a sister/fringe festival that runs concurrently, because it’s definitely not one of ours.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. That’s probably a [Fringe] event, not—”

Customer: *immediately and violently explodes* “NO! NO! NO! NO! God-d*** it! You f****** idiot! I’ve already TALKED to them and they said it’s NOT one of theirs and I’m sick and tired of being TREATED this way!” *he continues berating me as I hold the receiver in shock*

Me: *finally regaining composure* “I’m so sorry, sir. Is there anything I can do? I’ve got their booklet here and can try to look it up, so—”

Customer: “I’m SICK of you! You need to get your f****** ACT together!” *click*

(Another employee, having overhead part of the exchange, looks over at me as I woodenly hang up the phone.)

Employee: “Yikes, what was that about?”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, but I guess I need to get my f****** act together.”

(As it turned out, the event was neither ours nor the fringe festival’s, but a completely unrelated event. I’m sure he felt like he was getting the run-around, but he could have easily checked the local paper to verify. As for getting my act together, at the end of the festival, I was presented with a superlative: “Most likely to have his act together.”)

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