Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Gotta Take It H2-Slowly

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance, Popular

(I work in a flower shop. We sell cut flowers and some potted plants. Two young women approach the counter with one small potted cactus each.)

Customer #1: “We’d like these, please. Are they easy to take care of?”

Me: “Yup, they’re very easy going. Just put them in direct sunlight and water them about once a month.”

Customer #1: “Once a month?!”

Me: “That’s right. A lot of people are surprised when they hear that, but you can actually kill a cactus by overwatering it.”

(Customer #1 starts jumping around and clapping.)

Customer #2: “I told her that if she could keep a plant alive for a year, she could have a boyfriend.”

Me: “…I don’t think the point of having a boyfriend is to keep him alive.”

Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Bizarre

(In the shop I work in we sell international postcard stamps in strips of five. We don’t have single stamps. After a couple of years working here, I have a whole explanatory spiel that I go into to pre-empt the most common questions about the stamps.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have a stamp for one postcard?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. We only sell international stamps in strips of—”

(The customer suddenly glares at me and interrupts my spiel.)

Customer: “’I am afraid,’ you say. You are not afraid! I am afraid…”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir…”

(He wandered off, muttering under his breath in what sounded like German.)

Planting A Seed Of Crazy

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(My fiancé and I are browsing at a local furniture store for a new bed. This particular store showcases their furniture in different styles, such as a sofa and entertainment center would be set up in a living room style. We are walking past the section where all the office desks, filing cabinets, and other related items are. When I pause to tie my shoe, I notice a woman with a gallon of water.)

Lady: “Don’t tell anybody I’m doing this, okay, hon?”

(She then starts pouring water into the fake plants.)

Me: *flagging down the nearest employee* “Excuse me, but there’s a woman in the office section trying to water the fake plants.”

Employee: “Oh, shoot! How’d she get back in here?” *radios the security guard* “Hey, Andy, Mrs. Francis made her way back in. Can you come escort her out?”

Me: “She’s been here before?”

Employee: “Yes! She’s a local who believes our fake plants are real, so she tries to water them. There are other stores who have fake plants, but she seems to be extremely fixated on the ones we have here.”

(At this point, the security is holding onto the screaming woman’s arm.)

Security: “Mrs. Francis, we’ve already told you. Those plants are fake, and you cannot bring liquids into the store. It will damage the wood!”

(Suddenly the lady sees me standing there and she narrows her eyes at me.)

Lady: “You! I thought you were a good person! You ratted me out, you dumb b****!”

Me: “I’m sorry…”

(As she’s pulled away from the store, I can hear her screaming:)

Lady: “You’re all plant murderers! Not only do you cut down trees to make your furniture, but you starve those poor plants to death! Shame on all of you! I hope you get choked to death by my dangling vines!”

Fiancé: “Well, that was interesting. I wonder what she meant by ‘my dangling vines’?”

Employee: “That’s nothing compared to what she did or said on Arbor Day.”

Me: “What about Earth Day?”

Employee: *shudders* “You don’t want to know, and I don’t want to remember.”

Like Taking Candy From A Store

| Switzerland | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(I work at a take away restaurant that’s located inside a mall. When we are closed, we usually just put the lights out and later shut the doors when we leave. It is already past closing time this evening. My boss sits in the office and counts the money while I am about to pack my stuff and go home when we suddenly hear someone calling. I cautiously peek inside the dark restaurant and find a woman standing at the register.)

Customer: “Hello?! Oh, there you are, finally! I’ve been standing here for about five minutes! I want to buy something!”

Me: “Uh… Miss, we’re already closed. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “You can’t do that! I want to buy a candy bar!”

Me: “I am sorry, but like I said, we’re already closed. My boss is already doing the cashier balancing, so you can’t buy anything.”

Customer: “BUT… but I already ATE it!”

Me: “You did WHAT?!” *shocked*

(She shows me an empty candy-bar wrapper.)

Me: “So you’re telling me, you walked into this dark, obviously closed store, grabbed this candy bar and just ate it before you even paid?!”

Customer: “Well, yes. I was kinda hungry…”

(She then apologized and left us the money on the counter.)

Feeding His Imagination

| Plymouth, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance

(I have just convinced a customer to order a large piece of cake and a large drink, rather than just the biscuit he originally wanted.)

Customer: “You must have a lot of boyfriends.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Men love girls who know how to feed them. You obviously get that, so you must have loads of boyfriends.”

Me: *laughing* “Just the one, sir.”

Customer: *looking genuinely sad* “What a waste…”

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