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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Has An A-Gender With The DNA

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I help manage a small clinic that does various types of tests. Today, we receive a very bizarre phone call.)

Client: “Hello. Do you do DNA testing?”

Me: “Yes, we do DNA testing. Do you need a test that is admissible in court?”

Client: “No. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “Yes. We do DNA tests.”

Client: “I get that. I just want to know if you do DNA testing.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but what in particular are you needing with the DNA? I guess I am just not understanding what in particular you need.”

Client: “You know. DNA. I need a test for DNA. I’m pregnant and I’m having a baby boy. I need a DNA test. I need you to tell me the gender of my baby.”

Me: “Oh. You just need a test to verify the gender?”

Client: “No. I need to find out if it’s a boy or girl. I’m pregnant with a baby boy and I need to know if it’s a boy or girl.”

Me: “Umm… I see. I’m sorry, ma’am, but we do not do gender tests here.”

Client: “But you do DNA. You can tell me the gender of my baby before it is born.”

Me: “No. I’m sorry. We can do DNA to find out who the father is but, we do not do gender-typing on an unborn baby. Your gynecologist can help with that.”

Client: “Oh. Thank you.”

(I’m still not entirely certain what it was she needed.)

Ordered The Chef’s Special

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(I’m working the lunch shift in a downtown farm-to-table restaurant. We get a wide range of customers, from college kids and professors, to ladies who lunch. I’ve seated a normal casually dressed man, and one of my servers goes to help him.)

Server: *to me* “There’s something weird about him. He’s not making sense and doesn’t seem to want to place an order.”

Me: “That’s weird. He seemed pretty normal when I sat him. I’ll go talk to him.” *to customer* “Sir, can I start you with something to drink today?”

Customer: *unintelligible mumbling*

Me: “Okay, then. If you don’t wish to place an order today, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: *more mumbles*

Me: “I’ll have to ask you to leave; the dining room is just for our customers. I’ll give you a moment to collect yourself, but you need to leave.”

(I step away from the table and am walking across the dining room towards the server when she sees something behind me.)

Server: “No, sir! Please be careful! White Coats, I need the White Coats!”

(The customer had picked up a fork and was trying to stick it in an outlet behind the host station. I strong-armed him out of the building while the server got the “White Coats” as backup. The White Coats were our kitchen staff, all wearing chef coats. A wall of them made great backup. The customer wandered away while I called the police. They eventually picked him up; he was off his meds and harassing local shops.)

Unable To Please You

| Lancashire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Language & Words

(I am a cashier. Two customers approach the counter; one of them has an item of fruit.)

Customer #1: “Is this [price #1]?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s [price #2].”

Customer #2: *in a stern tone* “Please.”

Me: “…sorry?”

Customer #1: “So you should be. You say please when you tell me the price.”

Me: “It’s [price #2]… please?”

Customer #2: “That’s better.” *to Customer #1* “Don’t they teach people manners these days?”

(They put down the fruit and walk off.)

Me: “But… I… I was answering a question.”

What Came First: The Chicken Or The Crazy?

| Manila, Philippines | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am by the fresh poultry section waiting for my chicken to be cut by the butcher. There are other people lined up before me so I patiently wait as the line is short, anyway. A lady in her late 50s stretches her hand across me and tries to grab a couple of bags from the cold tray. I slowly back my cart away so she can have room and have ease to get what she wants.)

Lady: “Thank you! I could not get around this line!” *groans* “I’ll just cut these myself instead at home to save time!”

Me: *smiles*

(She then walks away. She comes back after I got my produce and starts another small talk.)

Lady: “Hey, look, these section here has a promo from [Brand]! You can get a FREE kg of chicken if you buy four! How cool is that? And these look so much better than what you got. Yours look a day old. It does not look fresh anymore. You might get a disease out of that.”

Me: *tries to be very polite* “Sorry, but I only need a couple. Also, I’m very certain that what they sell here are fresh everyday.”

Lady: *rudely takes the bags out of my cart and puts the chicken from the promo section* “Here… take these five bags and I’ll pay you half the price when the transaction is done. You can take three bags and I will get two. Totally worth it, right? You definitely saved some money!”

Me: “Can’t you just mind your own business? I told you, I don’t need that much! If you’re in great need of a discount, go buy in the public market!”

(While saying this, I return the items back and get mine.)

Lady: “But I hate the smell there!”

Me: “Not my problem! Ciao!”

Lady: “You better not turn your back from me while I’m talking to you! You need to take these!”

(Security approaches her.)

Security: “Madam, kindly put them down and come with me.”

Lady: “No! I will stay here until I convince this young woman!”

Security: *to me* “Young lady, you can go now. On behalf of the management, I apologize for the inconvenience.” *turns to the woman* “Please, come with me.”

Lady: “No, I’m not going with you!”

(I left the area as soon as the security said, with a smile on my face. When I looked back, the butcher was trying to contain his laughter while security talked with the lady. I paused and tried to watch from the distance. The security left the lady alone and she started to disorganize the fruits & vegetables display.)

Barking Mad Behavior

| Port Saint Lucie, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work for a popular green market. A customer approaches with a dog in her cart.)

Me: “Aw, what a sweet dog!”

Customer #1: “Want to hold him? You don’t need to keep ringing me up!”

Me: “N- no, that’s okay. He looks very sweet, though. I have a dog—”

Customer #1: “Go say hi!”

(The dog suddenly leaps out of the cart and onto the moving conveyor belt! The other customers in line start panicking, while I hurry to catch the man’s dog that is now running up and down the belt, and across my scanner. When my manager finally gets the man and his dog out, the other customers and I stand in awed silence. Until…)

Customer #2: “That just happened.”

Me: “Ah, yeah. Yeah, it did.”

(We both stare at the paw prints all over the scanner and belt.)

Customer #2: “I can wait until that gets cleaned…”

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