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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Vegan La Revolution!

| MA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’ve worked at several museums relating to the Revolutionary War, so I’m used to people coming in wanting me to affirm their various political agendas about firearms. This threw me for a loop though, as I was cornered in a completely unrelated exhibit about nature and philosophy.)

Patron: “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Of course.”

Patron: “What exactly is transcendentalism?”

(This is a pretty common question, and I do my best to explain it for him.)

Patron: “Oh, okay… So, like, are YOU a transcendentalist?”

Me: *laughs* “Well, to be honest, a lot of their talk goes over my head. But I guess I’m a bit of a tree-hugger like Henry Thoreau.”

Patron: “Tree-hugger? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Me: *a bit taken aback* “Oh, you know, just that I’m inspired by nature. Not that I chain myself to trees or anything.”

Patron: “Oh good, I thought that meant you were a vegan or something. I’m a hunter.”

Me: “I’m not vegan; that’s fine.”

Patron: “But I make sure to use every part of the animal.”

Me: “That’s good. I respect responsible hunters.”

Patron: “And the gun is good for self defense, of course.”

Me: “Okay.”

Patron: “Because the Revolution is going to happen again, you know.”

Me: “Sorry… I need to go help those people over there now.”

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Putting The Dire Into Directions

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me where Southgate is?”

Me: “You just take the Whitemud, west, and you’ll turn right. You won’t be able to miss it.”

Customer: “What’s their address?”

Me: “Uhm, I’m not actually su—”

Customer: “So, you just go up this road here?”

Me: “No, it’s the Whitemud. Just up there, and you really can’t miss it.”

(By now I have a customer waiting to do financing and my phone ringing off the hook.)

Customer: “Well, can you just look up the address? You have a computer, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, yes. Just a sec.”

(I figure I can get the address and her out of here quick enough that I can still do my actual job.)

Customer: “Well, if you’re going to sigh THAT loud, it’s obviously too hard for you.”

Me: “I do have to breathe, but let me just get that address here.”

Customer: *starts leaving in a huff*

Me: “I have the address here…”

Customer: *comes back* “No, you’re not willing to help.” *starts walking out again*

Me: “But I do have the address right here if you want it.”

Customer: *leaves*

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Their Weirdness Is A Whole Different Animal

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m a cashier at a small supermarket. We have miniature carts for children to use. Around midnight, two well dressed men in suits enter the store. They grab a child cart and place a large object in it. They hunch over to push the cart and as they pass by my check stand I realize it is a taxidermied animal that looks like a cross between a wolverine and an armadillo.)

Coworker: *under his breath* “What the h***?”

(The men continue around the store as normal and eventually come through my line. I’m still in shock from their entrance.)

Me: “Uh… good evening, sir. Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Indeed I did my friend! Indeed I did.”

(I ring up the two men’s items: four water bottles, three packages of hot dogs, two cans of whipped cream, and a pack of gum.)

Me: *still bewildered, and having trouble taking my eyes off of the bizarre animal in the tiny cart* “Will that be all tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, sir!”

Me: “Well, uh… have a nice evening?”

Customer: “You as well, sir!”

(The two customers leave, grabbing their items and their weird dead pet on the way. I turn to my coworker:)

Me: “What in the actual f*** just happened?”

(At this point another bewildered customer approaches my check stand.)

Customer #2: “So you saw them too? Thank god. I thought I was losing it.”

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A Faire Amount Of Context Missing

| Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I’m back at work after a day off to attend the regional Renaissance faire, of which I’m a passionate devotee. I’m showing the pictures on my phone to a coworker, and offering as little context as possible for what I’m saying just to be funny.)

Me: “…and here’s Snorkel the dancing stunt pig, with his human daddy.”

Customer: *passing by and doubling back* “Wow, that is the greatest sentence I’ve ever accidentally overheard in my entire life.”

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Not Even Remotely Close To Finding It

| TX, USA | Bizarre

(I work in the customer service department at a grocery store and get a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I think I left something there the other day and was hoping you’d found it.”

Me: “All right, what was the item, ma’am?”

Caller: “A DVD remote.”

(I’m surprised at this, since we almost only sell food.)

Me: “I’m sorry. What?”

Caller: “A DVD remote. I always carry it with me for personal reasons.”

Me: “I’m sorry… but we haven’t had any remotes turned in.”

Caller: “Okay, just figured I’d check. Will you call me if it turns up?”

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