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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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A (Mason) Jarring Request

| Warwick, RI, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I accidentally pick up a call from a customer who had asked to speak to “the manager.” Although I’m not the store manager, I am A manager, so I decide to try to power through what is clearly going to be a ridiculous call.)

Me: “So sorry for the wait. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I asked to speak to the manager because the regular people who work in the stores don’t actually know anything.”

Me: “Okay… how can I help you?”

Customer: “First of all, I would like to make a complaint about your hold music. You shouldn’t have it. It gets in your head. So I think it’s incredibly rude, and you should get rid of it immediately.”

Me: “All right, sir, I do apologize about that. I will certainly let my superiors know about your concerns.”

Customer: “Good. Next, I’m looking for two things. One, I need small mason jars, preferably in a two-pack. Second, I need a replacement antenna for my TV. I wanted a manager, because I don’t think the regular workers know the full stock of the store and will just tell me you don’t have them without looking.”

(We are not an electronics store, per se, but we do have a large website with an enormous assortment from which we place orders for customers all the time. As he’s talking, I am quickly doing an online search for a replacement antenna. Turns out, we do carry a wireless antenna that none of our stores stock, but which we can order for the customer and have sent directly to him.)

Me: “All right, sir, it looks like we do carry a wireless antenna through our website that our stores don’t have in stock, but which I could order for you and have sent straight to your house.”

Customer: “I don’t like ordering things without seeing them first! This is the fifth antenna I’ve had to buy now, and they all break! I just want to watch local channels, the local news, international news, and basic things. I don’t know what is so hard about this! This is the fifth one!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Like I said, we carry one. We just have to order it. I’d probably recommend some kind of electronics store—”

Customer: “I already tried them!”

Me: “Ohhhhkayyyyy, well, I’m sorry I can’t help you with the antenna, then. As far as the mason jars go, I definitely have some small jars in stock, although they come as a set of four, not two.”

Customer: “But I only need two. I want it to come as a set of two.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that, sir, but all of our mason jars come as a set of four or more. I do apologize that I couldn’t help you with either of those things today.”

(The customer continues to rant at me for a few more minutes, saying the exact same unhelpful things, before finally letting me go. I immediately went and found my store manager, and relayed the customer’s “concerns,’ including that we should do away with our hold music.)

Me: “You owe me.”

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Maybe You Didn’t Say What You Thought You Said

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre, Language & Words

(We have a lot of multicultural customers come into our store and as I love languages I like to ask about their accents and learn a phrase or two if I can. A young woman and her elderly mother have been talking in another language before coming to my register.)

Me: “Hi there, did you find everything okay? And do you mind me asking what language that was?”

Daughter: “It’s a dialect of Italian.”

Me: “How would I say ‘have a nice day’?”

Mother: “Fi una bella giornata.”

(As I hand them their purchases.)

Me: “Well, then, fi una bella giornata!”

Daughter: “Very good!”

(The mother then says something in Italian before slapping me in the rear.)

Mother: “Maybe I find you boyfriend!”

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A False Cart

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in a superstore in a mall with three floors. The first and second floor have the only entrances/exits and the only registers, so that’s where we keep the cart returns, but the escalators have a mechanism to bring carts up and down between floors. The third floor is all merchandise. I’ve brought a cart upstairs for my own use, to hold cleaning supplies, defective merchandise, etc. I already have some equipment and my own jacket in it. A customer approaches me with a full handbasket.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where can I get a shopping cart?”

Me: “That would be downstairs, on the first or second floor.”

Customer: “There’s none up here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. Since the only entrances and exits are on floors one or two, that’s where we keep the carts.”

(He seems less than satisfied, but by this point I’ve gotten to the employees-only supply room, and bring my cart inside to fill it. A coworker comes in a moment later with his own cart.)

Coworker: “There’s a customer out there asking for a cart. Like, he wanted me to give him mine.”

(I laugh, but brace myself. Sure enough, when I exit the customer is loitering by our employees-only door. At this point he would have spent less time going downstairs and getting his own cart.)

Customer: “Hey, I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: *brightly* “Sure! He’ll be down on the second floor, at the service desk. Just right of the cart return.”

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Pray It’s Just Dry Humor

| IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(My brother is mopping the women’s restroom when a customer comes in.)

Brother: “Careful. It might be wet.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Good. My hip’s been bothering me and I don’t have insurance, so if I slip and fall I can sue [Store].”

(She goes into the handicap stall. Meanwhile my brother waits outside so he can finish cleaning after she’s done. The customer eventually comes out.)

Customer: *disappointed* “The floor’s dry.”

Brother: “I’m… sorry?”

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Barking Crazy

| Boston, MA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

Me: “Hello! How are you today?”

Customer: “Hi there. I just wanted to let you know I had to throw away one of my dog’s toys that I bought here.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that! What was wrong with it?”

Customer: “Well, my dog was just OBSESSED with it. She loved it! Even after I took it away, she still wanted it! It MUST be those Chinese chemicals they put in them!”

(Pause.)

Coworker: “Is it a full moon?”

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