Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Very Butt-Hurt

| The Netherlands | Bizarre, Popular

(I am a female physical therapist and have four other colleagues. Three of them are on vacation and I’m going on a vacation on Friday (it’s Monday). We’ve had a lot of new patients calling in for appointments and since we are low on staff, we’re fully booked until at least the end of the week. Today I’m on my own and the phone has been ringing quite a few times, which I let go to voicemail if I’m treating a patient.)

Voicemail: “Hi, it’s [Patient]; I have been calling but no one is answering. I want to make an appointment.”

(I call him back:)

Me: “Good morning, I’m [My Name] from [Practice]. I’m calling because you left a voicemail this morning.”

Patient: “Yeah, hi, I called but no one answered the phone. You see, this morning I sprained a muscle in my a** and it hurts a lot so I need an appointment around 18:00.”

Me: “I’m sorry for not answering the phone but I’m currently alone and I was unable to get to the phone. And I’m unable to get you an appointment today. It’s very busy now and we are completely booked until the end of the week.”

Patient: “Oh, yeah. Well, my butt is hurting pretty badly so I was hoping you could massage it today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I really don’t have any time to help you today. The first place I have available is Monday.”

Patient: “No, that won’t do. Then I’ll call [Other Therapist] in [Other City]. Do you know him? He’s from there and he’s also pretty good.”

Me: “No, I’ve never heard of him, but I understand your decision and wish you feel better soon.”

Patient: “Ah, yeah, thanks.” *hangs up*

(The next day I get in late and have a lot to do. When I’m treating a patient, the phone keeps ringing. After a while I’m able to check the voicemail.)

Voicemail: *it’s patient from the previous day* “Hi, it’s me; can you call me back? No one is picking up the phone.”

(I call him back:)

Me: “Good morning, it’s [My Name] from [Practice]. I’m calling because you left a voicemail this morning.”

Patient: “Hi! I told you yesterday that I would be going to [Other Therapist]. Well, he treated me very well with a gel and a massage and it worked. He said that my butt had an agitated muscle. I still feel it a little bit but that’s fine. But I wondered if you have some time to treat me today?”

Me: “But didn’t you just tell me that you feel a lot better?”

Patient: “Yes, it really does but I was just thinking that maybe you could treat me as well.”

Me: “I’m sorry but like I told you yesterday, I really don’t have any time this week. We’re completely booked.”

Patient: “Ah, well, I don’t really need it anyway. I’m in Amsterdam right now; have you ever been at [Place]?”

Me: “Eh… no, I haven’t.”

Patient: “You should really go there. I think you would really like it!”

Me: “So, is there anything I can help you with otherwise?”

Patient: “No, not really. I’ll call in if I want to have treatment again.”

Me: “Ok, sir, we’ll hear from you again. Have a good day.”

Patient: “Yeah, you too. And don’t forget to check out [Place]!”

Me: *hanging up confused*

You’re Only Embarrassing Yourself Now

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money, Popular

(I work as a manager for a local grocery store in town where I live. The store itself only ever gets busy during the summer months since it is a big tourist destination. Not only is it busy but we are understaffed so I am on register trying to clear up some of the lines.)

Me:“All right, sir, your total is [total] dollars.”

Customer: *swipes his card*

(My register declines his card due to a transmitting error between our systems and the bank.)

Me: “Do you mind swiping your card again, sir? My register declined your card.”

Customer: “Well, that’s odd; I just filled my account. I should have $7000. This is embarrassing.”

Me: “Oh, nothing to be embarrassed about, sir. It seems to be a problem with our machines.”

Customer: “All right, then, but this is embarrassing.”

(He swipes his card again and the register declines it for the same problem.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir, this is really odd. Do you have another payment option you’d like to try?”

Customer: “Can you be a little quieter? This is embarrassing. I don’t want anyone to hear.”

(He swipes a different card.)

Me: “Great, this card went through, sir. Would you like the receipt?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

(The customer leaves and I tend to the rest of my line before I close the register so I can quickly get other tasks done before I am needed again. I grab some baskets and stray carriages, and do some cash pick-ups. At this point my arms are full and I end up talking with another customer who needed assistance when suddenly the embarrassed customer walks in again, and barges into the conversation.)

Customer: “Yeah, hi there, I just got off the phone with the bank and they are telling me that my card was declined because of a machine reading error or something.”

Me: “Sir, I know. I told you that earlier when your card was declined.”

Customer: “I wanted to make sure, though. Also, that was really embarrassing for me so please keep that in mind next time this happens.”

Me: “No problem, sir.”

Customer: “I spoke to your manager over there, too, so she knows to train you on this.”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager. That is one of my cashiers.”

Customer: “You’re too young to be the manager; don’t lie. You’re only embarrassing yourself now.”

(The customer then complained to my cashier again about me lying. She pointed out that I am the manager and he looked embarrassed again and then quickly left. I really wanted to hit him the entire time he was speaking.)

The Wrong Number For The Right Restaurant

| Jerusalem, Israel | Bizarre, Popular

(This story is remarkable not because of anybody’s behavior, but because of the enormity of the coincidence. I am at home, and the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Woman: “Hi, this is the German consulate. We’d like to make a reservation for 8:00 tonight.”

Me: “Um… I think you have the wrong number.”

Woman: “This isn’t [Restaurant]?”

Me: *surprised* “Well, I did propose to my wife at that restaurant, but other than that I have nothing to do with them!”

Walk A Mile In Her Shoes And She’ll Still Be Stupid

| MI, USA | Bizarre

(I’m helping a customer pick shoes for his son. I’ve explained our smallest size available is on display. He picks up a shoe.)

Customer: “What size is this one?”

Me: “A size eight.”

Customer: “So… DO you actually have this shoe?”

Me: *five seconds of silence trying to process him asking if we really do have the shoe* “I’ll go get the other half to it…”

(He wasn’t the brightest tool in the shed and kept confusing the rest of the transaction.)

Hope She Goes Away With The Flow

, | Luton, England, UK | Bizarre, Popular

(I work as a shop assistant in quite an expensive high street store. Because of the relatively costly items, customers expect a certain level of customer service. We also wear clothing from the store as our uniform, but with no real way of identifying staff, we usually greet our customers while we’re tidying the shop floor. I am going about my business when a customer walks in. I give it about 30 seconds before approaching her.)

Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “Hi. I was just looking for some clothes. Is that okay?”

Me: “Of course. What sort of clothing were you after?”

Customer: “Just clothes. Am I in the right place?”

(I realise that she is trying to make some kind of point.)

Customer: “This ‘customer service’ nonsense is ridiculous. ‘Are you all right? Do you need any help?’ It interrupts the flow of shopping. Shopping is an experience, and the shop assistant getting in your face interrupts the flow of shopping.”

Me: “Well, as we wear clothing from the store, staff members can be a little tricky to identify if they aren’t behind the till, so we greet customers so they know who to look out for if they need any help.”

Customer: “’Need help,’ pfft. If I need help I’ll come and find you. You don’t need to ask me if I need help. Do you know that leading psychologists (that’s what I do, I’m trained in psychology) have found that most people hate shopping now because of all this ‘customer service’ so they’d rather shop online? Isn’t that sad? Shopping is an experience and customer service is simply ruining it.”

Me: “We carry out customer surveys on a regular basis and we’ve found that customers actually request this kind of service and many of them shop here not only because of the clothing but also the standard of customer service we uphold, but I’m sure if you wrote a letter to the company they would take your thoughts on board.”

(She carried on for 10 minutes before she stopped “interrupting the flow of my working.”)

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