Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

The New Fragrance From Soylent Green

| Dublin, Ireland | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(I work in a department store, in the fragrance department. I was showing two guys our newest fragrance for men.)

Customer: “Have you ever seen the movie Perfume?”

Me: “Yyyeesssss…”

Customer: “Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “You mean… perfume made of people?”

Customer: “Well, one of them was made of hair.”

Me: “No. I do not have any perfumes made of human hair.”

Customer: “Hmm. Okay, thanks.”

Nearby Female Customer: *laugh-snorts, then runs away*

(The guy then stood there for a further 30 seconds while I looked at him awkwardly before he wandered away.)

License To Be A Girl

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Popular, Transportation

Caller: “I need to file a claim. The tow truck driver removed equipment from my car.”

Me: “What equipment was taken off?”

(Anything bolted or wired into the vehicle is considered part of the vehicle, all other items will be removed for storage in case the vehicle goes to the auction.)

Caller: “My license plate.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “…Did you say your license plate?”

(These are legally considered personal property and we HAVE to remove them for storage.)

Caller: “Yes. Now I have to take it to a mechanic to have them put it back on.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s two screws that are probably still on the vehicle. All you need is a screw driver or a quarter to stick in the grooves on the screw head.”

Caller: “BUT I’M A GIRL! I don’t know how to use any of those tool things!”

Me: *looks down… yep… still a girl… wonders if my voice is particularly manly today* “Ma’am, I will call the company that towed your car. The guy there owes me a favor. Just turn around and politely ask them to replace the plate. If you’re nice to them, they’ll be nice to you.”

Caller: “For free?”

Me: “I’ll arrange for them to waive the fees.”

(This happened to be my monitored call for the month. My manager laughed her way through my review.)

How Em-Bra-assing, Part 2

| PA, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Popular

(I work at a popular chain of plus sized women’s clothing stores. A woman comes in with her son, who looks about eight or so. Our bras are in the back corner of our store. The mother instructs her son to sit on a bench, and has me size her for a bra and then help her figure out what one(s) work best.)

Me: *turns around to show the woman a rack of new bras and sees that her son is no longer on the bench* “Uh, ma’am? Did you have a kid with you?”

Customer: *whips around* “What? Oh, god! [Kid]?! Where are you?” *starts searching the whole store, including under the panty tables and in clothes racks*

Me: *quietly use my walkie to tell the manager a woman’s kid likely ran off somewhere and ask if I should call mall security*

Customer: *starts coming back, looking like she’s either ready to cry or rip my head off because some people think it’s my job to watch their kids*

(The kid suddenly crawls out from underneath a dressing room door, in our leopard corset lingerie (completely fastened, mind you) with his T shirt stuffed into the bra cups and the stocking straps clipped onto his shorts.)

Kid: *clearly very proud of himself* “MOM! I’m Catwoman!”

Me: *goes entirely silent and just stares, at a complete loss as to what to do*

(My manager steps out of back room and then abruptly turns back in, but I can hear him on my walkie earpiece.)

Manager: “I am NOT dealing with that.”

(Things ended up fine. The kid did get scolded for disappearing, but his mother really couldn’t get mad at the corset thing because it was just too funny. Normally, I hate children, but this kid was great. He’s going somewhere in life, I just know it.)

Related:
How Em-bra-assing

You’re Our Number Two Customer

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Popular

(My manager is in the bathroom pooping when a customer gets the sudden urge to poop. Our bathrooms are one person bathrooms, so the door is locked. The customer gets up and sprints to the bathroom and twists the doorknob so hard it breaks, and the customer barges in and sees my manager on the toilet.)

Manager: “Hi. Welcome to [Shop].”

Very Anal About What They Use

| UK | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the late shift at a local convenience store on a busy high street. Even though we’re surrounded by bars, nothing exciting tends to happen even around this time, 10 pm. The store lead on duty and I are stacking the health and beauty section before the stock take the following morning, when a gentleman, who appears slightly tipsy approaches me. I’m female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell any lube?”

Me: *looking up beside the condoms. It’s an unusual request and our range is limited so I need to check* “I’m sorry, I don’t think we do. I’ll check with my manager.”

(My manager has overheard and joins the conversation.)

Manager: “No, I’m sorry. we just sell condoms.”

Customer: “Aw, d***. Do you know what else I can use for anal?”

Me: *trying to remain professional* I could suggest baby oil?”

Manager: “…or Vaseline?”

Me: “Or maybe vegetable oil?”

Customer: *nodding throughout* “So, Vaseline? Maybe I’ll combine it with baby oil?” *picks both off the shelf* “Thanks! I’ll let you know how it goes!”

Manager: “I’m not going to ask if those were personal suggestions of what to use!”

Me: “I just hope he doesn’t come back to tell us how it went!”