Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!


Seeing Is Deceiving

QLD, Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work in a call centre for a government department that takes calls from local residents. Calls can range from calls about bills to fixing holes in the roads to calls about crocodiles. I work in our main building in a closed off call centre.)

Me: “Good morning, this is [Department]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi there, [My Name], you’re LOOKING nice today.” *customer laughs*

Me: “Thank you, so are you. I really like what you’ve done to your hair! But how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Wait… can you seriously see me? Holy s***.” *click*


I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Buy

| Fresno, CA, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Trigger Story

(I get two rather interesting customers. I do the normal “would you like a store card” spiel, and am told no, which is no problem. I run her card through the register when I hear the woman paying, in a very quiet voice, say this:)

Customer: “I wish this place sold butts.”

Me: *thinking I heard it wrong* “What?! Did you just say what I think you did?”

Customer: “Yeah. I wish this store sold butts. I need a bigger one.”

Me: *has started cracking up* “Well, you can have some of mine!”

Customer: *laughs and picks up her bag to leave, her friend laughing at her comment, too*

Me: “You’ve made my day. Have a great one!”

(Thank you, random customer who wanted a bigger butt. You made my day for sure.)


Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!


In The Heart Of The Duff

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV

(I am working at a movie theater, selling tickets. It’s the afternoon on a weekday, so it’s relatively slow. The phone rings, and I pick it up.)

Me: “Hello, you’ve reached [Theater] at [Location]. How may I help you?”

Woman: “Hello? Hello! Yes! I was looking in the newspaper… You don’t have any show times for that whale movie!”

Me: “That whale movie?” *trying to think of what movies coming up have a whale in them*

Woman: “Yes! I wanted to see the one with the whale…”

Me: “Do you mean Heart of the Sea?”

Woman: “Yes! That’s the one! When I can I see the whale movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry. That movie’s not going to be out for another three months. But I’m sure once it is, we’ll be showing it.”

Woman: “Another three months?” *sadly*

Me: “Yes. It opens in December.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, do you have that Duff movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Woman: “Yes. That sweet girl, she was on the Ellen show yesterday?”

Me: “I… didn’t see it.”

Woman: “Oh, she’s just the sweetest girl. She was on Ellen! She’s got a new movie coming out, she said.”

Me: “Do you mean… Hilary Duff?”

Woman: “That’s her! She was on Ellen, and she was just the sweetest girl. I want to see her movie. Ellen said it was good.”

Me: “One moment… I’ll see if we have it.” *drawing a complete blank, I call out on the radio, after putting the woman on hold* “Does anyone know if Hilary Duff has a new movie coming out?”

Manager: “Hilary Duff? The Disney Channel girl?”

Coworker #1: “She was in a Cinderella movie; that’s all I know.”

Coworker #2:Cheaper by the Dozen 2 was YEARS ago.”

Coworker #3:Foodfight was a TERRIBLE movie. We’d never carry that!”

Coworker #4: “Wait, wasn’t she in the Cars sequel?”

Me: *I get the woman off hold* “It doesn’t seem like we have any Hilary Duff movies coming out at our theater any time soon. I’m sorry.”

Coworker #5: “I know she’s done some Rom Coms recently.”

Woman: “Oh, that’s too bad. She was on Ellen yesterday, you know. She was such a nice girl!”

Coworker #6: “You mean She Wants Me? That was ages ago!”

Woman: “Ellen is very funny, you know. She has all the best recommendations.”

Me: “She’s very funny, yes.”

Coworker #7: “Pretty sure she did a made for TV thing, too.”

Woman: “You know, I like to watch Ellen every day, with a tall glass of lemonade, and a big bowl of popcorn. It’s not as good as your popcorn, but it’s still quite fun!”

Me: “I’m sure it is, ma’am. Was there anything—”

Woman: “Sometimes, I write letters to Ellen!”

Manager: “Oh! I saw that one!”

(I had to deal with this poor, lonely woman who clearly just wanted to chat in one ear, and my coworkers discussing Hilary Duff’s resume over the radio in my other, for quite a while after that. Thank goodness it was a dead afternoon!)


Got Some Yogurt Hurt

CO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a frozen yogurt shop with the word yogurt as the first word of the shop’s name. An elderly man walks in and approaches the counter.)

Man: “Is yogurt all you sell?”

Me: “Yup! That’s why we’re called [Store]!”

Man: “Well, I’ve hated yogurt my whole life!” *storms out*


A-Salted With Your Fishy Tale

| NJ, USA | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Popular

Me: “Hello, this is [Pool Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *on the phone* “Hi, I just bought a house with a pool and had some questions.”

Me: “Certainly. First I need to know if it’s a salt or freshwater pool.”

Customer: “I don’t know; how could I find that out?”

Me: “I need to you check to see if you have a salt generator or not.”

Customer: “All right, I think it’s a salt pool. How would I start it up?”

Me: “Do you know the gallonage of your pool?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s [average size pool].”

Me: “All right. Well, looking at my chart, you’re going to need 625lbs of salt to reach the required concentration if the concentration is currently 0ppm.”

Customer: “That’s a lot of salt.”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir.”

Customer: “How would I add the salt?”

Me: “Just toss it into the pool; there’s no special way of adding it.”

Customer: “That’s not how you do it.”

Me: “Yes, it is, sir. There may be other systems out there but if it’s our pool then you don’t have a special salt system attached.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s how you add it?”

Me: “Yes. You want to raise your salt level to between 3000ppm and 3500ppm and to go to that from scratch, for your size pool, you need to add 625lbs of salt.”

Customer: “All right. Is it going to taste like salt?”

Me: “That’s a common misconception with salt pools. If the salt is within that range you won’t taste salt; if it’s 6000pm or higher you may.”

Customer: “So you’re telling me I need to add 1250lbs of salt?”

Me: “Not unless you want to taste salt.”

Customer: “What if I want to?”

Me: “Why would you want to taste salt?”

Customer: “Because I want it to be like the ocean.”

Me: “Ok…”

Customer: “How much salt would I have to add to my pool to be able to put fish in and swim.”

Me: “Are you telling me you want to make an open air salt water aquarium out of your pool?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then I suggest you talk to a pet store. We can sell the salt but I have no experience in maintaining marine life.”

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