Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

The Oprah Code

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I’m working as a cashier. It’s late in the evening and things are slowing down for the night, so the other cashiers and I stand at the end of our lanes and chat with browsing customers until they’re ready to check out. There’s a rack of DVDs at the end of my lane, and an older customer stops to ask my opinion on some of them. I vaguely recognize she’s a regular, but I don’t remember many details, and she seems friendly enough.)

Customer: “What’s this ‘Game of Thrones’ like? I’ve heard of that one.”

Me: “Well, some people are really into it, but it’s really violent. I’m not a fan. I don’t know if you’d enjoy it.”

Customer: “Ooh, no, you’re right.”

(She picks up a copy of Lee Daniels’ “The Butler”, and sighs.)

Customer: “I just can’t trust Oprah anymore.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “Since I found out she joined the Illuminati.”

Me: “OH!”

(I remembered why I recognized this regular.)

Some Callers Really Get Your Goat

| Scotland, UK | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I work for a large insurance company in the car insurance department. We certainly get some oddball callers and queries, but a few really take the cake. This is one of them.)

Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Company]; you’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I’ll be travelling to France in a few days and just needed to check some things on my policy.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. Could I just take your policy number…” *I confirm the policy and security with the customer* “Okay… I see you currently don’t have European Cover, but you are covered Third Party Only as part of your current plan. Are you looking to increase your cover to fully comprehensive whilst in France?”

Customer: “Yes. I’d also like to get the European Breakdown package as well.”

Me: “That’s great; I can get that set up for you…” *I explain the fee structure*

Customer: “One thing I need to know before I go ahead?”

Me: “Not a problem. How can I help?”

Customer: “Well, I’m picking up my fiancé and we’re coming back here to get married.”

Me: “Congratulations, sir!”

Customer: “Thank you… but you see… I’ll be bringing her goat back to the UK with us. Would that be covered by the policy?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, did you say you’re bringing a goat back with you?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s the family pet and she won’t go without him.”

Me: *pause for a moment* “I don’t see why that should be a problem, but I’ll need to check with underwriting. Are you okay to hold for a moment?

Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

(I call through to underwriting.)

Underwriter: “Customer Underwriting Team; [Underwriter] speaking. How can I help?”

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] from Customer Services. I have a customer who wants to check if we’ll cover him travelling from France to the UK with a goat in his van.”

Underwriter: “…”

Me: “Hello?”

Underwriter: “A goat?!” *laughter is heard in the background from other underwriters*

Me: “Yeah, it’s his fiancé’s goat; she won’t leave France without it.”

Underwriter: *stifling laughter* “I just need to quickly ask my supervisor.”

(During the brief hold, I jump back to the customer and let him know we’re just waiting on Underwriting approval.)

Underwriter: “Okay, his insurance won’t be affected by having the… goat… in the back of his van; however, we won’t cover damage the goat does to his van, or the goat itself in the event of an accident.”

Me: “Thanks, I’ll let the customer know. This is the oddest call you’ve ever had, isn’t it?”

Underwriter: “Myself, yes; not Underwriting as a whole, but you don’t want to know. Thank you for calling Underwriting.”

Me: “Thanks again.”

(I switch back to the customer and relay what Underwriting said. He’s ok and we go ahead with the changes to his policy.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, that’s everything. Thanks again.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. We hope you have a safe journey.”

Dog-Darned Language

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working back in the aquatics department when the phone rings. The cashier is taking a call on another line already, so I answer:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pet Store], where we offer professional grooming and positive dog training services. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “YOU NEED TO CALL THIS MOTHER-F***ING NUMBER AND GET MY DOG’S VACCINATIONS. I KNOW I GOT THEM AT YOUR STORE!”

Me: “Sir, please—”

Caller: “DO IT NOW! I KNOW I GOT THEM AT [Store]! THEY GAVE ME THE F***ING WRONG NUMBER!”

Me: “Sir, please calm down. If you continue to use that kind of language, I will be forced to hang up.”

Caller: “GOOD! JUST F***ING DO IT-”

(I hang up. I tell the story to my employee.)

Me: “Can you believe that? It was bizarre.”

Cashier: “Yeah, I can. He called just a little while ago and screamed at me that his dog got arrested, until I hung up.”

Me: “Wow… I don’t know what to say to that.”

Cashier: “Neither did I.”

I Rest My Chase

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bizarre

(I am at work when a man with matted grey hair and a biker jacket walks in. I am upstairs working so my coworker approaches the man. I can hear their conversation from my office.)

Coworker: “Hello, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I wanna talk to [Coworker who isn’t working that day].”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but he isn’t in today. What were you chasing?”

Customer: “Chasing? I wasn’t chasing anything!”

Coworker: “What were you after, sir?”

Customer: “I’m not chasing anyone!”

(This continued for a while until the man eventually leaves, but not before saying “How rude” to my coworker. I walk downstairs and approach my coworker.)

Coworker: “Wonder what he wanted from [Coworker who isn’t working that day].”

Me: *jokingly* “Maybe he’s a convicted stalker and got scared when you said chasing.”

(I looked out the window to watch the man leave, expecting him to hop onto a Harley or something similar, but to my surprise the man got on to a push bike and rode it down the footpath. I swear, we get all the crazy ones.)

Beware Of Crafty Customers

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Craft Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you sell those little bags? The ones you put drugs in.” *I laugh thinking he’s kidding* “Well, do you?!”

Me: “Uh, yeah, we carry them in our jewelry making department.”

Customer: “Why would they be over there?!”

Me: “Uh, because you put beads in them.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah, I want to buy them to put screws in them.”

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