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Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

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Totally Wired Right Now

| Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre, Movies & TV, Popular, Technology

(I work for a cable company doing customer service, as well as tier one tech support. The bulk of my job is rebooting cable boxes and modems, or programming remotes. People tend to get frustrated when I ask them to do basic things like make sure their TV is on or there are batteries in the remote, but it is stories like this which justify the reason for asking such basic things.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cable Company]. How can I assist you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just picked up a new box at the local center, and I am getting the same error message I was on the last box.”

(There are a list of error codes that show on the front display of cable boxes where the time or channel usually is, so I expect it to be one of those.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but I definitely assist you with that today. Could you please read the code off to me?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s C-I-S-C-O.”

Me: “Cisco…? Sir, is that on the box itself or the TV?”

Customer: “The TV. It’s been there forever.”

Me: “Okay, sir, well that is just the name of the brand of the box. It appears to be rebooting. It is perfectly normal to see that there. Now can you please tell me what it says on the front display of the box itself?”

Customer: “Oh, it says [error code]. It’s been stuck like this for a half hour.”

Me: “Well, it shouldn’t be taking that long, so let me look up what that code means.” *a few seconds pass as I verify it is an input error* “Okay, sir, could you do me a favor and let’s walk through your connections to make sure everything is secure on the back of the box.”

Customer: “Okay, give me a second.” *there’s some rustling as I assume he is checking all the wires* “F***. I guess I might help if I plug the cable into the wall, huh?”

Me: *chuckling* “Yeah, that does tend help with your cable TV experience.”

Customer: “See, this is the s*** that happens when you smoke too much.”

(I have to mute myself to laugh out loud.)

Customer: “Wait, these calls are recorded, right? I should not have said that.”

Me: *chuckling harder* “No worries. Nobody listens to these calls anyway.”

(I can only hope that was one of my randomly selected calls for review that month.)

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Way Too Chicken For That

, | England, UK | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bizarre

(I’m in the process of taking some whole chickens out of the oven.)

Customer: “Don’t do it!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Sticking your head in the oven, don’t do it!”

Me: *realising she’s joking around* “You mean this isn’t a tanning salon?”

Customer: “It really isn’t! Don’t do it!”

Me: “Dang, I’m in the wrong place!”

Customer: “You really are!”

(Nothing like a bit of random to liven up the afternoon!)

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Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Technology

Me: “Good morning, my name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

(Pause.)

Patient: *very slowly and clearly* “Um… request an appointment?”

Me: “Oh… I’m not a computer, ma’am.”

Patient: *shocked* “Oh! Goodness.”

Related:

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

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Marco Polo Isn’t Solo

| USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Popular

(It’s a somewhat quiet day in my rather large store, and I’m watching the front end. Suddenly a man comes in, looks at me apologetically, and self-consciously walks up to the desk.)

Man: “I’m about to be really annoying, and I apologize in advance, but we don’t have cell phones at the moment and I’m not sure where my wife is.”

Me: “Oh?”

Man: *suddenly steps back and yells as loud as he can* “MARCO!”

Random Customer: *from somewhere in the back of the store* “POLO!”

Me: “Was that her?”

Man: “No, actually. Strange. Guess she isn’t here. Thanks!”

(I laugh and he leaves, but I suddenly hear another voice from deep within the store.)

Random Customer #2: “MARCO!”

Random Customer #3: “POLO!”

Random Kid: “MARCO!”

Random Customer #4: “POLO!”

My Boss: “MARCO!”

Me: “Why not? POLO!”

(By the time we were done, pretty much everyone in the store was laughing. The guy who unintentionally started it all actually came back in a half-hour or so later with his wife. When they were checking out, I told them the story of what happened and he grinned and yelled ‘Marco!’ which started it all anew!)

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Too Taxing For Them To Understand, Part 3

| UT, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Money

(I call a customer to collect payment for finished tax return.)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], I’m just calling to let you know your tax return is complete and you have a balance of [balance]. Once we collect this amount we will send you your return.”

Customer: “Uh, so I have to pay before you will send me my return?”

Me: “Yes, it is required that we collect payment before sending you the return.”

Customer: “Why? That seems weird. Why can’t you send me my tax return then let me pay you?”

Me: “Uh, because we would risk the chance of customers getting their tax returns and never paying us and the firm would go under…”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll pay… That is just so weird.”

Related:

Too Taxing For Them To Understand, Part 2

Too Taxing For Them To Understand

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