Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

We’re Living In A Bag Dystopia

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s to-go order.)

Me: “Would you like a bag for all that?”

Customer: “Oh, do you have bags?”

Me: “Y-yes. Would you like one?”

Customer: “Ooh, could I have one?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

(I guess it sounded too good to be true.)

The Icy Wastes

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a popular coffee shop. We carry both iced and hot drinks, with the hot drinks being in white, opaque cups, and the iced drinks being in plastic, transparent cups. The ice is clearly visible through the plastic. Two older women approach the counter together.)

Woman #1: “I’d like a small, iced coffee, please.”

Me: “Sure!”

(I make her coffee, CLEARLY ICED; she pays and finds a seat.)

Woman #2: “I want the same thing as her.”

Me: “No problem! Exactly like hers? A small, iced coffee, black, correct?”

Woman #2: “Yes, please, dear!”

(I make her coffee and bring it back to her. She pays and seems okay with it, until she goes to pick it up.)

Woman #2: “Oh, honey, I didn’t say anything about it being cold! This is icy!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I thought you wanted an iced coffee, exactly like your friend.”

Woman #2: “No, I HATE iced coffee!”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll make you a new one right away.”

Woman #2: “No, no, no, I don’t want you to waste it! Just put it in the microwave for me to warm it up!”

(We do not have a microwave in the store, only ovens, and even if we did, you’re not supposed to put plastic into a microwave.)

Me: “It’s no problem. I’ll make you a new one; it won’t take long.”

Woman #2: “No! Just put it in the microwave! I don’t want to waste it!”

Me: *face-palming* “Okay, ma’am.”

Woman #2: “Teens these days, wasting everything! When I was a girl, it was a SIN to put something perfectly good to waste!”

Me: *internally* “I wouldn’t HAVE to waste it if you had ordered correctly in the first place!”

(I end up just making her a completely new, hot coffee.)

Woman #2: “This is the same coffee, RIGHT?”

Me: “Sure, ma’am. Have a good night.”

Had Good Just Cause

| Canada | Bizarre, Prank

(We have a family friend who is known for prank phone calling us. The phone rings and my dad answers and the voice on the other end sounds just like his friend when he tries to do a fake accent.)

Caller: “Hello, sir, I’m calling on behalf of the missing children’s foundation. We are looking for donations to—”

Dad: *cutting him off and deciding to play along* “Oh, I’m so sorry, I can’t donate to that. You see, I already donate generously to the missing turtles foundation.”

Caller: “Uh, the what, sir?”

Dad: “The missing turtles foundation. It’s a very worthy cause helping lost turtles.”

Caller: I see, well, sir, I am sure it’s a very worthy cause but let me tell you a little bit about the missing children’s foundation.”

(The caller goes into a big spiel about the foundation and talks for a good 10 minutes. My Dad is impressed with his friend’s commitment to this one. After a good ten minutes have passed….)

Dad: “I’m sorry, could you start again. I wasn’t listening!”

(The caller keeps his calm and politely begins his spiel again. Finally my dad interrupts again.)

Dad: “All right, all right, I will donate to your cause! It’s not turtles but it sounds good!”

Caller: “Thank you, sir! Let me transfer you to my supervisor and she can collect the donation!”

(At this point my dad gets confused, thinking his friend may pass the phone to his wife. However his wife has never been involved in any of the prank calls before.)

Supervisor: *who sounds nothing like our friend’s wife* “Thank you for choosing to donate, sir! We can get started on the process.”

Dad: “Uh, I thought this was a prank call!”

Supervisor: “I’m sorry, sir? You thought this was a prank?”

(Needless to say my dad was pretty embarrassed and gave them a good donation for all the trouble! Our prankster family friend thought it was hilarious when we shared the story with him!)

Fear Of The Unknown

| NE, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I work the front desk and I frequently get calls about inquiries and a list calls wanting to know about our facility. I do not now many details if we can or cannot do certain things.)

Me: “[Retirement Home], this is [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m trying to find a place for my mother but it needs to be unknown.”

Me: “Are you asking for information about our facility but you don’t want your mother to know you that you’re inquiring?”

Customer: “Um, not really. I’m trying to find a place where no one knows where my mother is. Do you provide that?”

Me: “I’m not sure I understand what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “People try to steal from my mother. Do you provide a service that can prevent that?”

(I have no clue to what she is asking for and whether we can provide those services for her, I decide to “wing it.”)

Me: “I believe that we can provide those services, but I’m not sure what we would call them and everyone in sales is not currently in.”

Customer: “Um, okay, but you do provide those services?”

Me: “I believe we do.”

Customer: “…okay.” *click*

The Moon Is In Need Of A Reboot

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “Where are your books about conspiracies? I’m looking for an author named David Icke.”

Me: *showing him the section* “They’re here, in Cultural Studies.”

Customer: “I love reading about conspiracies. I never watch TV, you know, because it turns off part of your brain.”

(The customer proceeds to describe a number of increasingly unbelievable conspiracy theories.)

Customer: “…and the government built a weather control machine in Alaska, and they’re doing all kinds of crazy things with it. Do you know anything about this author? What does he write about?”

Me: “Well, as I understand it, he claims our reality is an illusion projected by the moon, which is really a computer built by lizard people who rule the world.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know about that lizard people stuff. That seems a little far-fetched.”

(After about an hour of looking through them, he proceeds to buy a stack of David Icke books.)

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