Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Folding Back

| Woking, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a high-end concession in a large department store. On this occasion, I am helping a colleague from another concession with a customer who has spent hundreds of pounds on dozens of items. I begin to fold the items in the way I have been trained, wrapping them in tissue paper.)

Customer: “Stop it. You’re doing it wrong!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, madam, is there a way you would prefer them to be folded?”

Customer: *in an irate tone* “No, let me do it myself.”

(The customer folds up her own items, which I had no problem with until…)

Customer: *angrily* “Don’t be offended.”

Me: “I’m not offended at all; I know everyone has their own particular way they like to fold.”

Customer: “No, you were just doing it wrong. Don’t be offended.”

Me: “I’m very sorry about that, madam.”

Customer: “Well, I am older therefore I know better than you. See, now my clothes won’t get creased in the bag. You would have creased them horribly. But, don’t be offended.”

(My colleague tells the customer her total, who then proceeds to rant about how pleased her husband will be that she spent so little, and she deserves much, much more out of him. She then decides she would like to keep the hangers and rams them into the bag with her clothes, crushing them into the bottom of the bag.)

Customer: “You had better not be offended, and you had better learn how to stop clothes creasing!”

(The customer stomps off with her over-full bag.)

Colleague: *to me* “I hope you aren’t offended!”

Turning Alcohol Into Whine

| Wickham, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(Due to an unknown genetic disease, I’ve been left with almost no sense of smell. On this particular night, a drunk man comes in and accidentally drops his bottle of alcohol on the floor. Being the only one who can’t smell it, my supervisor sends me to clean the mess when this interaction occurs. Note that I am 19 and have moved out of home by this time.)

Customer: “Oh, darling, it mustn’t be very nice having to clean up after other people. But don’t you be getting high off of those alcohol fumes!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think you can get intoxicated just by inhaling this stuff, but I’m not bothered by the smell much.”

Customer: “I suppose you mustn’t be. A lot of children like you have drunken parents. I’m sorry you have to go home to that.”

Me: *a bit offended* “I actually moved out of home last year. I turn 20 soon and my parents never drank.”

Customer: “Now, you can try to cover for them but it’s okay to tell people about living with parents addicted to alcohol. Did they force you to drink? Is that why you aren’t bothered by the smell?”

Me: *rather irate at this point* “I have a disease. I can’t smell because of that. I’d like to stop talking to you about this now, if you don’t mind.”

(The customer bows and shakes her head slowly, and I can hear her tutting.)

Customer: “So they got to you too, did they? Poor innocent youth…Yes, addiction is a disease, but you can overcome it by listen to the word of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”

(By this point I’m astonished by her stupidity, and the mess is all clean. After giving her a weird look, I walk away and wonder what the heck just happened!)

This Customer Giving You An Earful

| MD, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(My store mostly sells gifts, but we have a rack of jewelry pieces, as well. I come around a display to check on a customer, and realize she has her hand to her ear, an expression of pain, and there’s blood on her hand.)

Customer: “I used to have my ears pierced when I was a baby, but they grew shut when I was in college. I was seeing if I could open them again with these earrings.”

(The woman was easily middle-aged, so her ears had healed decades before.)

Me: *horrified* “We don’t even allow pierced people to try on earrings for hygienic reasons, but definitely not to pierce ears!”

(She asks to use the bathroom to wash the blood, while I wipe down anything she touched with gloves and bleach, and throw out the earring she used and anything that she touched. She comes out of the bathroom.)

Customer: “Where can I get my ears pierced?”

Me: “There’s a tattoo and piercing parlor a block over.”

Customer: “A TATTOO place! Do you know how unhygienic that place could be?!”

An A-Moose-ing Interaction

| Gatineau, QC, Canada | Bizarre, Holidays, Pets & Animals

(It is Halloween. My father and I want to get new licenses for the family car he is giving me. My father is wearing a moose costume and the lady at the desk is dressed as a devil. I do not wear a costume.)

Lady: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Father: “Hi, we would like to get new plates for her.”

Lady: “Very well. *to me* “Here are the forms to fill.” *to my father* “Are you a moose or a deer?”

Father: “Wait, let me check…” *he places his hands around his mouth in a cup position* “MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

(The lady, I, and the whole waiting area where people are sitting, have eyes wide open and dropped jaws.)

Father: “Yep, I believe I am a moose!”

Supervisor: *coming over* “[Lady], is everything okay?”

Lady: *cracking up laughing* “I believe a moose sang me a love song.”

Supervisor: “Did you moose-sing back to him?”

Me: *face-palm*

They’re A Few Chapters Short Of A Novel

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(A woman walks into the store and looks around as though she’s lost and confused.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “What kind of store is this?”

Me: *looks around at books everywhere* “Um, this is a bookstore.”

Customer: *looks amazed and points to the books on the shelf nearest* “So, these… are books?”

Me: *a bit confused* “Yes.”

(I keep an eye on the woman as she wanders deeper into the store, looking around bewildered. She stops as she approaches the counter toward the back of the store and points to our sign that reads “More Books This Way” with an arrow pointing upstairs.)

Customer: “MORE BOOKS?!”

Me: “Yes, we have children’s books and board games upstairs.”

(The customer looked at me for a second.)

Customer: *yelling* “I CAN’T HANDLE IT!” *runs out the front door*

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